


Save me......

by SavageMonkey



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction, harry/louis - Fandom
Genre: Actor Louis, Angst and Humor, Chef Harry, Children, Dad - Freeform, Daddy Harry, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Romance, daughter - Freeform, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-20
Updated: 2013-06-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 10:43:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SavageMonkey/pseuds/SavageMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is struggling with the loss of  his partner, raising his daughter Addie all on his own. He is hoping to find solace at a local community center grief meeting.<br/>Louis is dealing with his own loss, but has a whole new approach to life that Harry didn't know existed.</p><p>Harry is a successful personal chef.  Louis is a star of the stage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love Harry and Louis. I don't own them, I don't claim to know them. I would love to own them and actually know them. But I don't.

Lying on his back he could see the full white clouds passing slowly, creating wisps of what resembled fluffy ice cream. His arms hooked behind his head he felt the plush grass tickling at his fingers and the sides of his neck. "They really need to trim around here, can’t have it overgrown, that would really piss Mark off", he thought. He often still thought of what would or wouldn’t upset him. There wasn’t a day that went by in which he wasn’t fully aware his decisions might be solely based on this premise alone.

 

“I bought a new stroller today. It’s one of those ridiculously fancy ones you thought were too much. It has a cup holder and a rack below to store everything under the sun, along with an umbrella and a bug net. It also has those big wheels to steady it if I decide to take a run, which you know me, I say I will but it might not happen. I really need to though, my middle is growing by the day. You wouldn’t like that, you would tell me to get in shape.”

He swept his hand across the grass and picked a single blade, worrying it between his fingers.

“She said a word today Mark. She actually said 'Da-da', it was so beautiful. I got too excited I think. I wanted her to say it again so badly, but she just smiled at me, almost like she was messing with me, that one she gives me when she wants me to work for it.”

Letting out a sigh he continued. “I wish you could have heard it.” Sitting up and turning to face the headstone cross-legged, Harry reached out and stroked the indented letters one at a time.

“Mark, if you can hear me. I miss you so much. Some days I really don’t know how I go on.” Tears pooled and spilled over.

“It’s been six months now but feels like forever. Mum says I need to stop coming here so much. Maybe she’s right, it’s pure torture.” Swiping his hand to wipe away tears he reached out once more to the cold stone, standing up and taking two slow steps back, while stretching his long legs.

He shook out his curls before digging his hands into his pockets and turned to leave. Harry pulled his keys out with a huff to reveal a key chain with a pair of green eyes staring at him with a toothless grin.

His Addie.

He had taken the picture of her only a few weeks back, fresh out of her bath. Their newest game was to wrap the towel up over her head and play peek- a-boo, which brought along fits of squeals and giggles that warmed Harry's heart.

Crossing through the cemetery he noticed cars for another funeral making their way in. Black dresses and black suits were gathering around. He was almost relieved in a sad way that that wasn’t him again. He felt for the family across the way. He had been in their shoes not too long ago. His salvation that day was holding Addie, she had been just a few days short of two months old and she was all that had given him hope that there might be light at the end of a very dark tunnel that had been his life the past three years.

Pulling open the door to his car he took a quick peek back to the distant headstone and nodded goodbye as if Mark were standing there.

He slowly turned the keys in the ignition and the car came to life; Seether's _Broken_ playing as he opened the sun roof. The lyrics soaked into his skin as he sang along, driving slowly past all the names of lost family members. He truly felt the words sting his skin.

Harry turned out of the cemetery and headed toward his mum’s house, which was only a few miles from his own.

The house he had moved into after Mark’s passing was quite a bit smaller than they had planned on. It was quite lovely with a fenced yard, two small bedrooms, a massive kitchen and a beautiful sun room/play area that held more stuffed animals and toys than Addie could even begin to play with.

Harry made a decent living as a personal chef. It allowed him to focus on food not just as a craft, but also an outlet to making people happy. He made his own hours, and when business slowed down he could pick up hours with his friend Liam at his Italian restaurant, working a few shifts or catering private parties he booked.

Mark had always told him they would invest in some property and would eventually open their own restaurant one day. He would run the business end and Harry would cook, stealing kisses in the back while sending out master creations to hungry guests.

Harry smiled at the thought, but it faded quickly. Hitting replay, _Broken_ came through the speakers again.

 

**

Anne was standing in the doorway when he pulled in, holding his beautiful cherub of a daughter. Addie was reaching for him with both arms as he bounded up the steps to scoop her out of his mum's arms, pulling her close to his chest and pecking both chubby cheeks with kisses.

“Has she said it anymore mum? Did you work with her?” Harry pushed open the door for her to step back into the house while cradling Addie in one arm.

“No darling, but I did work with her, I swear.” Smiling at her son, she could see the pain in his bloodshot eyes.

“Mum, please I hate when you look at me like that. I swear I’m not going to crumble up. Some days are just harder than others.” Harry set Addie gently in her walker, grabbing the teething biscuits and giving her one. She whisked away down the hall in a flash with her arms up as if she was on her own personal roller coaster.

"Ah I know Harry, I know.” Anne murmured as she leaned down to pick up the scattered stuffed animals.

Harry bent himself almost in half and stopped her, pulling her back up into a warm hug.

“Thank you mum, I know you mean well. I’m just trying to find my way ya know.” He said whispering into her hair like he had done since he was a boy.

Anne wrapped her arms tightly around his back, gently soothing him, “I know son. I love you. Hey, I found something you might want to check out and since I’m meddling, I might as well keep on.” Pulling out of his embrace, she snatched up the paper sitting on the island in the kitchen.

Addie was making her third trip around the coffee table to the hallway sputtering large spit balls into the air. Harry stood watching her with wide green eyes of love.

“Here, this is for anyone like yourself that has lost someone dear. You could go for a weekend or you could start out with just a few sessions. Then they recommend a longer stay. Harry, it may really help you cope. I would keep Addie so you wouldn't have to worry, any time you need me to.” Anne looked up at him hopefully.

Harry scanned the paper and read the words out loud, “A Walk To Remember, keep your lost loved ones close. The time for healing is now.” Harry looked over the paper at his mum with a raised eyebrow.

“I'll check it out, okay? That’s the best I can give you right now.” Smiling, he kissed her cheek.

“ I best be getting us home, Addie needs a bath and bottle, and I need to work up a new menu list for Liam for the big event he has talked me into this weekend.” Gathering the two diaper bags and the blanket that Mark had bought before Addie was born, he ran out to put everything in the car.

Taking the steps two at a time, Harry met Anne at the top with Addie, and before taking her, he put on her knit beanie and cardigan sweater over her jumper.

“Mum thank you again for allowing me that time today, it was… Well today would have been.” Anne shushed him. “I know sweetheart. It’s fine. Go home, be with your daughter, laugh, ok?” Addie giggled at that and blew bubbles at her Nana.

Once Addie was situated in her car seat, Harry switched the music to the section of his iPod that consisted of classical music and fun kid songs. She would swing her arms to the tunes or most days she would crash out quickly on the short ride home.

The sun had set when they pulled into the drive and Addie was sleeping soundly. Harry gently pulled her out of the car seat, her head lolling onto his shoulder, and he thought that her bath could wait a little while she caught a cat nap. Snatching up the two bags and blanket he made his way up to the darkened house. He had become quite talented in balancing several items along with the baby. He realized early on he had to literally split himself into two to make everything work.

 

Dropping off the bags, he pulled her beanie off as gently as he could while snapping on the lights in the kitchen and small family room. Sitting down in the rocking chair his mum had bought him, he rubbed his daughters back and leaned his cheek on her head, humming softly and rocking gently in the dim light. The creaking of the wooden legs filled the room along with his soft humming. Harry wanted to take a moment to enjoy this. Some days it was so busy with prepping meals and keeping an eye on her and managing to shower and feed them both. It felt like he was losing more time than gaining it. He had to tell himself to stop and enjoy it.

He thought back to the day they brought her home. It was cold and Harry had been so worried about her catching a cold. Mark took extra precautions and warmed the car up before they left the hospital. He had then pulled the fleece blanket up to her nose in the car seat and sat in the back with her while Harry had watched through the rear view mirror as he drove, both smiling at each other. She was so small and barely seven pounds.

They stood over her bassinet, arms around each other while they watched her sleep, since neither one of them could sleep that night. They wanted to make sure she was real and they finally had her.

The pain was welling in Harry's chest at the thought, as icicles wrapped around his heart. They wanted to be a family but he guessed other plans were in store. Mark was sick, he had been sick for years but they thought it had passed.

Shaking his head trying to stop fresh tears from spilling over, Harry got up and laid Addie in the bassinet she'd nearly outgrown, covering her up and rolling her slowly into the kitchen hallway just away from the light so as not to wake her.

 

The kitchen had become his sanctuary, his stainless steel heaven he called it. The décor was French, as he had fallen in love with paintings of the Eiffel Tower and wine bottles lined the walls with small white lights twinkling inside. He had also strung vines of plastic grapes around the cabinets. Cook books and a small TV sat on a large desk that held all his menus and catering books. He had also recently purchased cake pans and muffin tins with the thought of trying pastries. That was his next thing to tackle when he found the time.

 

He was bbent over his laptop on the island counter when his phone's buzzing took him out of searching for recipes.

Liam.

_Mate! Hope you have some menus for me!! I’m off in an hour can I stop by?_

Harry shook his head at the phone smiling. People who didn’t have children never quite understood how things work for parents. Harry typed out his response:

_Liam my friend, Addie's asleep. If you promise to be quiet you can come over shhhhhh Oh and I haven’t done the menus yet. I took a side trip today…and before you say anything…. I know._

Harry knew the response would come back to him that he would be there, but now he will have that concerned face. All his friends keep encouraging him to move on, move forward, and quit spending so much time in the past. It’s a tired old song and dance at this point. He knew damn well he shouldn’t take every date of the month that he and Mark may have had something happen to go to visit his grave. But today really was different. Today was the day they met back in college, the day that changed his life. He couldn’t get this date back.

His phone buzzed.

_Harry, I won’t say anything I know what today is mate. I was there remember._

Harry stared at the phone screen. Yes he was. Of course he was.

_Thanks mate! See you soon. I’m going to see if I can get things going over here. Love u._

Harry set the phone down and as if on cue, Addie started whimpering. She never really cried hard, he knew when she needed him.

Walking over he watched her face change from sad to happy, and he reveled in the feeling of being needed instantly.

“Hello love how’s my sweet butterfly? You want a bottle? Come here” Harry reached down as she reached up and grabbed a handful of his curls, drool dribbling down her chin.

“Oi, little lady that’s quite the grip" he chuckled as he pried her chubby fingers open and released himself from her grip.

“Uncle Liam is coming over. But first we are gonna have dinner.” Settling her into the highchair and setting a bowl of chopped up banana in front of her, Harry busied himself grabbing fruit and cereal powder to make her a bowl and put a bottle on to warm up. 

Harry was amazed how easily he found a routine with her, it became like clockwork. He searched online for a lot of parenting advice, like when to start certain things like solid foods and when to take away the binky. He would also admit to trolling some of the mum sites just to get ideas of what to do with girls. 

 

Addie was content to eat her banana while Harry would spoon in some cereal between bites, mostly making it into her mouth. Giving her the bottle towards the end. she grabbed his index finger while she sucked it down, staring over at him. It was during these moments he had to pinch himself to believe that this little girl was actually his. He had always wanted children but had never anticipated that he would be doing it alone.

Scraping the bowl to get the last of the cereal he looked into her drooping eyes.

“Ah there my love, last bite, such a sweet butterfly. Let’s get you cleaned up and jammie time.” He smiled and stuck his tongue out her and was rewarded with big, deep dimples that rivaled his own.

As he was pulling her out of the high chair, the door bell rang.

“Uncle Liam!” the door swung open and Liam stepped in, taking Addie right out of Harry's arms.

“Look who’s here! Such a pretty baby! Who’s a pretty baby?” Addie cackled at him her mouth wide and smeared with left over cereal.

Harry smiled at his friend and pulled him into a side hug. “Ok ok Uncle, I need to get her bathed and off to bed before we can get working on that menu. Grab a beer, yeah, while I get her ready for bed. Just save me one or two.”

Harry swooped into the back bathroom running the water and stripping off his shirt to avoid getting it soaked.

Bath time would always go one of two ways, quickly and quietly or loud and wet. Harry wanted to get his girl to bed, so he quickly washed her hair and body and gently rinsed all the soap away. By that time, her eyes were starting to stare off into space and Harry knew this was the sign that she was going to go down without a fight. He was ready for that beer waiting in the fridge. It had been a hard emotional day.

Addie didn’t put up a fight at all; he added sweet smelling baby lotion to her arms and legs after he dried her. He ran a quick comb through her soft little curls. He chose bunnies for bed turning on the night light and classical music CD. Kissing her softly on the forehead he laid her on her side and pulled the cover up to her shoulders and rubbed soft circles over her back. He hummed her a soft lullaby as her long lashes fluttered a little and closed.

“Good night my little one, daddy loves you.” He whispered. Taking quiet steps back out of the room, he pulled the door till it was almost shut.

Heading back to the bathroom he grabbed his t-shirt and put it back on, and wiped up the water that had pooled on the floor. Turning off the hallway light, he then headed back through the family room to the kitchen.

Liam had cleaned up and wiped off the high chair, putting it back in the corner of the room. He had also washed the few dishes from Addie’s cereal and wiped off the counter. He had the menus spread out and was taking notes.

“Liam you didn’t have to clean up.” Harry said as he swung open the fridge door, grabbing a beer and twisting off the top before taking a long pull on it.

“No worries, Harry, you know I don’t mind helping you out. It’s in my blood to clean a kitchen you know," he said, flashing a brilliant smile at Harry.

"Oh that tastes good.” Harry declared as he pulled the stool over to the edge of the island to sit across from Liam and picked up Liam's notebook to look at his notes.

“I see you like the idea I had of several stations of variety. Thanks man.” Harry dropped the notebook back down.

“Variety is the spice of life, right mate?” Liam clinked his beer with Harry's. “Cheers.”

“Yeah well, I wouldn’t really know about that right now, Liam. My variety includes a lot of dirty diapers and drool on my shirt.” Harry smiled at him.

Leaning over and placing a hand on his shoulder, Liam looked serious. “But would you have it any other way?”

“Honestly? No, I guess I wouldn’t, but hell, it would be nice to share it with someone. I know I can’t go back, but you know man, it's days like this that really make me think. I woke up this morning and looked at the calendar and it’s like the date just jumped out at me. I can’t forget and I don’t want to forget. This was the day he walked into my life, took it over and we never looked back. And here I sit. Alone.”

“You're not alone Harry, you are never going to be alone. You have Addie. You have me and Niall and Zayn. Always."

“I know.” Harry looked down at his beer, picked it up and swallowed the last of it down. “You want another?” he asked as he hopped of his stool and headed for the fridge.

“Yes, please. Hey man, I saw this on the counter when I was cleaning up.”

Harry didn’t even have to look at what Liam was holding in his hands. He knew he should have thrown the flyer away before he got there.

“Yeah, mum gave that to me today.” he said as he brought back two beers, setting one in front of Liam and plucking the flyer from his hands.

“What could it hurt? If anything, you might get some stale pastries and a terrible cup of tea.” Liam took a swig. “I think they could help you. We all love you, and that little lady sleeping in the other room deserves a happy daddy.”

Harry felt the words sting in his gut. He knew Liam was right, it wasn’t fair to her that he could get so easily distracted by his grief. He wanted to do right by her, he knew he would make mistakes along the way, but maybe meeting with other people who might be going through the same thing would help.

“OK fine, you guys are right. I'll go to a session and see where that leads me. It can't hurt. So let’s set up this menu, yeah? We don’t have a lot of time to make changes.” Harry placed his hand on Liam's.

Liam looked up at him hopefully. "You'll go, then?"

" I'll check it out tomorrow and see when the next meeting is." Harry felt a rush of anxiety run through him. He would actually have to actually go, he wasn't a very good liar and he hated disappointing his friend. 


	2. Chapter 2

The streaks of the rising sun washed over his face through the crack in the curtain and Harry moved to stretch and rub his eyes as he looked over at the baby monitor screen. Addie was balled up under the blanket. He could hear her breathing, slow and steady. He believed it to be the best sound in the world.

Taking the few moments he could spare before she woke up, he padded into the bathroom to shower.

 

Letting the hot water wash over his skin, he placed both hands on the wall and closed his eyes. Today he would head to a meeting at the community center. He just hoped they didn’t make him say too much, because he knew if he did, the floodgates might open and he would not be able to stop his tears in front of a group of total strangers.

 

He needed coffee and some breakfast, throwing on some sweats and a fresh t-shirt, he made his way into the cold kitchen. Looking out the window into his small yard, he made a mental note to start clearing out the weeds once it warmed up a bit. He could easily put Addie down on a big blanket or even drag her walker out there while he busied himself. Typically it did warm up in May, so Addie could start to enjoy being outside more.

 

His phone began buzzing as he poured his first cup of coffee and watching the steam billow out, he picked up the phone and opened the newest text message.

_How’s my wonderful brother this fine morning? Don’t roll your eyes as your doing right now, I know you’re awake! Give Addie kisses from her auntie._

Gemma.

His sister was always so cheerful in the morning; he wasn’t quite sure how she pulled it off.

_Hallo big sis, I will cover Addie in kisses when she wakes. How are you?_

Harry couldn’t ask for a better family. They were always supportive. When he came out to Gemma and his mum at Sunday tea at thirteen they stopped and looked at him and said ok, and then asked if he wanted more potatoes to go with his roast.

On the day Mark passed, Gemma was there to pick him up off the floor. She had tucked him into his bed and kissed his forehead and whispered in his ear that they would help him get through it. 

_Little brother, I’m ok, concerned about you though. Mum told me, you knew she would. Will you be ok later? Do you want some company?_

He knew the word would spread that he had decided to seek help. So it was just a matter of time before Gemma checked in.

He typed out his response: _you know I love you, and I really appreciate you wanting to come, but I better do this on my own._

_Harry I knew you would say that. Mum's keeping Addie, yeah?_

_Yes who else would?_

_So true, well bro I have to get off this stinky train. I love you so much. Call me if you need to talk later ok?_

_Thank you Gemma, love you too._

Harry laid the phone down. Seeing that the time was almost 7am, he couldn’t believe that Addie was still sleeping. Walking down the hall he poked his head in her room tip toeing over to the edge of the crib. He was met with green eyes staring up. She was just laying there watching her mobile moving.

"Da….Da….DAHHH” Addie cooed out at him.

Harry couldn’t believe his ears. She did it again. “Oh Addie! My sweet butterfly you said it again.” Reaching down and picking her up she wrapped her little arms around his neck to pull his hair. He snuggled her close. “I love you."

 

**

He busied himself the best he could throughout the rest of the day, his insides starting to clench at the thought of going to this meeting. Addie kept him busy with toys and feedings and a quick afternoon nap. They even tried out the fancy new stroller and took a brisk walk to the park on the corner and back. He knew the money was well spent and looked to the heavens with a smile, letting Mark know it was.

 Harry changed his clothes after deciding he needed to look presentable for the meeting. He had chosen black jeans, a gray jumper with a black t-shirt underneath and his black boots. Shaking out his mop of curls he took a step back and looked at himself in the mirror as he added a bit of cologne. "I guess this will have to do."

Harry then packed an overnight bag and loaded Addie into the car. The meeting didn’t start till almost 8 o' clock and was supposed to last an hour. Harry didn't want to have to wake her just to bring her home again.

"Nana and poppa can’t wait to keep you, little butterfly.” As he tucked her into the car seat she swatted the stuffed giraffe into his face. laughing. “Oh a cheeky one, aren’t we.” Pinching her cheek Harry smiled at her.

 

Anne was sitting on the couch when Harry arrived.

"Oh my handsome son, you look very nice and oh, you smell good too.” she said as she moved take Addie out of his arms.

"Well I figured I probably shouldn't wear a t-shirt covered in drool and cereal. She ate already mum, but I stuck a bottle for bedtime in here and the blanket is in the bag too. Oh and her favorite giraffe. Guess what! She said da-da this morning again. It was so beautiful.” Harry touched her cheek and kissed it before heading toward the door.

 

"Harry wait.” Anne walked toward him. “If I don’t say this enough I should, you’re a wonderful father. This little butterfly is lucky to have you.” Tears were threatening to slip out as she wiped at them.

Harry smiled at his mum but the words wouldn’t come. The lump in his throat wouldn’t let them out. He just nodded his head and walked back to his car.

 

Clicking on his iPod as he took the back streets to the center he chose a more upbeat song, Lana Del Rey's _Lucky Ones_. Harry tapped his fingers on the steering wheel while keeping an eye on the street signs so he didn’t miss his turn.

 

Pulling into the lot it was quite full. Glancing in the mirror he adjusted his hair one more time. It was a terrible nervous habit he started back in school. Blowing out a deep breath, he got out and walked calmly across the dimly lit parking lot.

 

The center consisted of a large gym, track, indoor swimming pool, and a large indoor football field. Off to the left down a long corridor they held all sorts of classes, from painting to yoga. Along the back wall were smaller meeting rooms which held the group meetings, like the one he would be attending.

 

A young woman sat behind the desk, looking up at him and smacking her gum a bit too loudly. “Whatcha here for, love?"

Clearing his throat his voice sounded an octave lower than normal. “This flyer here basically, grief counseling?” Harry handed her the flyer.

Her eyes went soft; it was that look he hated. “Sure love, down the left hall past the art room you will see the sign on the door for Dr. Spector’s counseling group. Room number 17 but there is a group in there right now that will be finishing up before your meeting in fifteen minutes. Here, sign in first, please.” she said, pointing down to the guest sheet on the desk.

Harry signed and thanked her, making his way slowly down the hall on his long legs.

Filing out the door of his meeting room he saw a few women holding copies of the same book, talking animatedly about the next chapter they couldn’t wait to read. Book club, he figured. That sounded a lot more fun than what he was going into.

 

Taking a minute to pause outside the door he leaned up against the wall, not really looking at anything or anyone in particular. He had the tendency to look upset when he was quiet, people could mistake his furrowed brow. 

 

Two older women, followed by a young man filed into the room. He was chatting with them about the weather. He had a grey beanie stuck on his head with his long fringe almost hiding one eye, trailing down his cheek. He saw them laugh and pull their chairs next to each other.

Harry figured now was as good a time as any to walk in.

 

Scanning the room the chairs were already in a circle, along one wall was a counter with pots of coffee and tea with pastries set out. Harry chuckled to himself that Liam might be exactly right about this. Walking over, he grabbed a Styrofoam cup and filled it with steaming coffee, stirring in two packets of creamer and swinging around to see more people filing into the room, scraping their chairs closer to each other.

 

He probably picked the one group of people that all knew the other. He had a feeling he might be the only new one.

Harry chose a seat between an older gentleman hunched over his cane and a young woman reading a book. They looked harmless enough.

A tall man with a brown suit came through the door, his glasses on top of his head. He whisked in quickly and pulled another chair over.

“Sorry everyone I’m a bit late, my daughter had choir practice and I had to drop her off. How is everyone?” Scanning the room, his eyes fell on Harry. “Oh hello! I’m Dr. Spector.” Walking straight over to Harry with an extended hand, Harry instinctively stood and shook his hand before clearing his throat again. “Hi, I’m Harry Styles.” Well so much for just trying to be invisible.

 

"Hello, Harry.” The group's words rang out around him, making him jump a bit, he could feel his face flushing as he nodded to everyone and sat back down.

"We don’t bite. I promise.” Doctor Spector smiled as he sat in his large rolling chair.

"Speak for yourself, Doc!” The man with the beanie and fringe in his eye spoke up, grinning at the doctor.

"Oh always the jokester, Louis! Well I guess I should say then Harry, the rest of us don’t bite, but I can't speak for Mr. Tomlinson.” The doctor gestured a thumb at him. Louis smiled, looking down at his feet after catching his eye.

 

Harry shifted in his chair smiling back at the doctor and the man he called Louis.

 

"So welcome everyone, Harry, I see you are the newest member. How this works is and you can feel free to participate this time or just listen. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable, we like to share how we are doing. The goal here is to help you move forward in life. We all know that everyone here has suffered some kind of loss. You can choose to stay where you are in your life or you can move forward, and for a lot of people that is the hardest part. Some feel guilty for even having a good day, thinking their loved one will know it. But I’m here to help you realize that there is life out there. We have to move forward. This won't happen overnight so please don’t think one session will be enough. You will need time, time heals. As cliché as it sounds, time heals all wounds. We also offer weekend retreats twice a month at a lovely cottage in the country for a small cost which we can discuss later if you are interested.  
But basically tonight we will start the evening as a round table discussion of where we are and where we left off last time. Then we will break off into small groups and then come back to open discussion before parting. I will have these sessions three times a week; you can come as much as you like or as little. It’s completely up to you. Ok?” Harry nodded in his direction.

"So then let’s start to my right tonight and we can introduce ourselves and make our way around the room and go from there.” Dr. Spector gestured to Louis.

 

Harry felt himself instinctively lean forward.

“Well since the good Doctor called me out already I’m sure you heard my name is Louis. I’ve been coming here for about a year now. I lost my sister. It’s been a tough road but I feel like I’m really starting to make some headway. Right, Doc?” Louis patted him on the knee.

Smiling over the man Doctor Spector patted him back. “Yes, Louis, you really have."

At this statement, Louis pulled at the beanie again and looked down at his feet.

Next was a woman named Mary, she had lost her father. Carol lost her mum, Charles his wife and Lenora her daughter.

Harry was next, he could feel the walls getting closer as he looked over at the Doctor who had a hopeful face.

"As I said before I’m Harry, I, uh, lost my partner Mark.” Scanning the room for any disapproving stares, he didn’t see any, which was good. “He had cancer and uh now, now I’m a single parent to a daughter, she's almost nine months old.” He heard intakes of breath from the older women in the room. “Her name is Addie and I uh, just need to figure out how to move forward."

"Thank you Harry, you have a full plate don’t you? I bet your daughter is beautiful.” Smiling back at him he continued. “What do you think is stopping you from moving on?”

Harry pulled at his jumper and stretched out his long legs. “Well, I guess it’s just that I'm not really ready to? Everyone keeps saying I have to, but I think, 'why do I?' I don’t want to forget him. But I can’t get him back either. And with Addie, it’s even harder to forget, I feel like he’s missing so much. It’s terribly unfair.”

Harry felt his throat close so he brought the cup of liquid to his mouth to try and stop the lump from forming.

“Good point, Harry. You’re right, it is unfair. This is what we all feel right? It’s truly unfair to have this person in your life all the time and suddenly they are gone. Let's keep moving around the room.”

Harry sighed softly, scanning up to the water stained ceiling tiles. Maybe they might be applauding him, patting him on the back. He did it. He told a room full of strangers about his life. Saying everything out loud did pull a bit of weight off his shoulders actually.

 

About a half an hour into the session, he had listened to everyone talk the same language as him, they all grieved and just really wanted peace of mind. The doctor told them to take a short break, then find small groups to sit and chat with.

Returning from the loo back to the small room, Harry saw that everyone had broken off into groups.

Harry noticed Louis sitting on the floor cross-legged in front of Lenora. He caught his eye and smiled. Louis smiled back and pushing himself up from the floor he got up with his hand extended.

"Hey.”

“Hi.” Shaking his hand, Harry noticed he may actually be a bit older than he originally thought. The beanie along with the sweatshirt and cropped pants and toms made him look like a college student.

“Why don’t you join us over here? And I swear I most likely don’t bite.” Flashing a big toothy smile at him, Louis led the way over.

Harry decided to sit down on the floor next to Louis and they both faced Lenora.

Oh dear, this may be very forward of me, but do you have pictures of your baby?” Lenora asked as she smiled down at him.

Harry leaned back and grabbed into his pocket to pull out his key chain, handing it over to her. He could barely contain the smile on his face.

" Oh she looks just like you!” Leaning down, she held the keychain out to Louis so he could get a look.

"Mate, she’s gorgeous! You’re going to have to lock her up when she’s older.” Louis exclaimed as he handed the keys back to Harry.

"Thank you, she’s my little butterfly. I named her that when our surrogate said her stomach felt like butterflies when she started moving. It was pretty funny, I would go over there just to sit and watch her belly move and put my hand on there and talk to her.” Harry thought for a second that maybe he had just over-shared.

Both Louis and Lenora smiled at him sweetly. Lenora leaned down and took his hand. “Enjoy every moment Harry, I always wanted grandchildren. Now sadly I won’t have any, my Whitney was my only child.” Her face changed quickly, Harry couldn’t stop himself, he was up on knees hugging her instantly.

"Oh, aren’t you a lovely lad.” Lenora said in a choked voice. Harry pulled back, tears spilling over his eyes.

"M'Sorry, I’m sorry, please give me a minute.” He walked quickly out of the room to the bathroom, shut the door behind him and paced a bit, trying to calm down and leaned into the corner.

The door opened a crack and Harry saw his beanie before his face. Harry watched Louis in the mirror. He had a concerned look on his face. “I’m over here in the corner hiding from embarrassment.” Harry finally said. Louis stepped all the way into the bathroom. “No need to be embarrassed. This is your first time being here, it’s bloody fucking depressing.”

Harry couldn’t stop the noise that escaped his mouth. A near shout of laughter jumped right out of his mouth.

Louis smiled. “See the doc doesn't call me the jokester for nothing.”

Harry hadn’t laughed like that in a very long time. He didn’t know why what Louis said struck him as so funny, but it was the truth. It _was_ bloody fucking depressing. "Thank you, I think I really needed to hear that.” Harry pushed off the wall, scooting past Louis to throw some cold water on his face.

Louis watched him in the mirror. “So...um..... do you think you will be back?”

Harry smiled slightly at the Louis in the mirror.“Yes, I actually think this was good for me, even though I’m currently hiding in the bathroom. But yeah, I will. Hey, have you ever been to these weekend retreats he was talking about?”

"We mainly just pay for the shitty food. But it really can be helpful. I've quite enjoyed the ones I have attended." Louis smacked his lips.

"You tell it like it is don’t you?” Harry spun to face him, smiling down at him since he was nearly a head taller.

Louis threw his head back in a laugh this time. “Yes, very terrible habit I have of doing just that. It can really get me into a lot of trouble.” Walking to the door Harry held the door open for Louis to pass through. “And a perfect gentlemen too, I see.”

Harry blushed. “I try.”

As they entered the room, the Doctor was coming out. “Sorry lads, need to get going to pick up my daughter.The wife called and she can't. Harry, I do hope we'll see you again. Here’s my card if you want to set up any one on one time. Maybe see you next Tuesday, yeah?” he said as he hurried past them down the hall.

Harry checked his watch. It was almost 9 o’clock and he didn’t have Addie. He felt a little lost. Maybe he could catch up with Liam. He watched Louis run into the room and he slowly turned and headed out towards the lobby.

Grabbing his backpack, Louis said his goodbyes to everyone. Catching up to Harry in the lobby on the way out, he called to him, “Well it's early, do you need to get home to your daughter?”

"Actually, my mum has her for the night.”

“Well then, would you care to join me across the road at the pub for a pint?"

A pint sounded fantastic. "Why not? Lead the way, my friend.” 

The pub was dark and smelled like grease. But it was clean and felt lived in. The two men sat at the corner of the bar away from the main crowd. Several pints had been passed in front of them as they talked about life. Louis was the oldest child and had three sisters. He lost a sister when he was a teenager but just decided to join the group last year. His family wasn’t that close, but they kept in touch when they needed to. His passion was theatre and he worked shows year round. Harry was fascinated with his elaborate descriptions of the inner workings of theatre life. He was beginning to describe the most recent show they were going to be performing when he stopped short.

"You'll just have to come see the show, Harry, it's pretty delicious."

Harry took the last swig of his beer. “So what is this show your doing? Cabaret? Can’t say that I’ve heard of it. I mostly saw plays when I would go to the theatre, but not many musicals.”

Louis flicked his long hair out of his eyes. He had taken off his beanie to reveal long hair in a bit of a bowl cut shorter in the back and the front flopped down over his eyes. Harry thought it was quite a sight actually. “Oh, Harry, it’s a bit risqué. It's set in Germany, lots of sexual advances if you know what I mean. I play the Emcee.”

"Hmm, yeah, I don’t know this show. But I may have to look it up.” Harry smiled over his beer.

"No! Don’t! I want you to be surprised when you come see me in it?” Louis all but yelled at him.

Harry almost spit his beer out at the forcefulness of his voice. “Well isn’t that a bit presumptuous to assume that I'll come to see you?” Harry could feel the beer warming his insides, he needed to stop drinking.

“Oh, you will.” Louis looked through his fringe at him.

He had the bluest eyes Harry had ever seen. Checking his watch it was almost midnight. Attempting to stand up off the stool he had sat in for the past three hours, Harry pushed off the bar. “Louis, this has been so nice, here I was so worried that I would make an ass out of myself ."

Louis reached out to steady his arm. “Nope, your ass is still intact from what I can see." Louis made a slight gesture to look at his bum. When they pushed the door to the pub open, the cool air hit their warm faces.

Harry smiled and looked up at the sky. “So beautiful out here. Sky is so clear. I haven’t felt so clear in a while, you how that feels, Louis, to be all jumbled up in your head all the time?”

Louis nodded his agreement and turned to face him, looking up, “I've spent a whole year in this group and I don’t really know if I’m doing anything right or wrong.”

Harry sighed, looking down at his boots facing Louis' Toms'. “Right or wrong, it's all fucked up, right?" Harry smiled lazily at him.

"Fantastic idea, we will be fucked up together, our new motto.” Louis flung his arm over his shoulder.

Stopping by Harry's car, Louis reached for Harry's phone. “Here, let me put my number in, just in case you need me, and I’m being serious. Doc says we should find a buddy that we can trust and will be there if we call. And face it Harry, we all have our rough days.”

Harry watched Louis add his number, his long hair blowing across his face in the wind. His cheekbones were defined and lips red, and with those blue eyes he could seriously be a model.

“Well give me your phone then, buddy.” Harry snatched it up and added his number.

“You ok to drive then?” He asked Louis handing back his phone.

 

“Yeah, I don’t have far to go. You?” Louis looked a bit worried.

 

Harry nodded his head. “I’m good.”

Louis stuck out his hand. “Thanks for having a drink with me.” Harry grabbed his hand. “Thanks for having a drink with me.” Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he opened the door.

Louis had turned and was walking away to his car as Harry started the car and opened the sun roof. It was after midnight and cold, but he didn’t care, he wanted to keep feeling the air.

While the car warmed up Harry scrolled through his iPod, wanting something to keep his mood up, he needed some loud music. He finallyb settled on Fall Out Boy's _The Phoenix_. Mark could never understand his love of music. He turned the volume way up and pulled out of the parking lot feeling very free for some reason.


	3. Chapter 3

Harry pushed open the bedroom window and let the warm breeze blow through the thin curtains hanging over the window. He made his way down the hall and opened another window in the small family room and another in the sunroom in order to air out the house, let the good vibes in and the bad ones out as his mother had always said.

Addie had just gone down for her late morning nap so Harry decided to take this time to prep the luncheon meal that Liam and Niall were going to pick up in a few hours.

Niall was back in town after helping his mum move into a new house. The boys had all known each other since Uni and Liam had been a good mate to have provided each of his friends a job with him at one time or another, especially when one of those friends had fallen onto hard times. 

Time had passed easily for Harry. He had fallen into a routine with work, still doing private parties and helping Liam as much as his time would allow, but was beginning to explore his options for opening his own catering company. It was a big venture for him. He was just in the planning stages but knew he needed to do something a bit more stable, he was making rent and paying bills but he found himself thinking more and more about the future for him and Addie. His biggest goal was to stay available for Addie. She needed him around and not running off all the time to jobs here and there. If he could build up something substantial and actually have employees he would feel that he had accomplished something significant.

Addie had started crawling, pulling herself up, making words while pointing to everything around her, and getting into everything. He had sat on the floor when she first started crawling, willing her to crawl to him. He had been so excited and couldn’t wait for her to actually do it, but now he almost wished she was stationary again. She was a tiny tornado and into everything!

His sessions at the community center had really made him feel more and more human as the weeks passed into the summer. He shared stories, laughed and cried. He had his rough days just like Louis had said he would. But those were becoming fewer and farther between. He was down to visiting Mark only about once a week. He never stayed long. Just checked in, filled him in on Addie or work and would lay his hand on the stone and then turn to go home.

His music choices had also changed. The iPod station in the kitchen would fill the house with upbeat songs. He would take Addie into his arms and dance around the kitchen, smiling and singing to her. She loved every minute of their own little dance party. He would laugh to himself and thought if anyone looked in the window they would think he was mental.

Louis had been a great friend to talk with. They had exchanged numbers that first night and spent quite a bit of time texting ever since. Everyday would start with the casual hello and go on throughout the day into the evening. Louis had quite an interesting outlook on life and his humor was like no one else Harry had ever had the pleasure of meeting. Harry would often find himself alone in the kitchen howling with laughter at something Louis had said.

Harry was going to two meetings a week and the two of them would hit the pub for at least one of those nights. He couldn’t leave Addie with his mum that often over night and frankly, he didn’t like being away from her that much.

They would sit and talk for hours, even though on most days they had texted each other all day long.

Louis was still hinting to Harry that he had to see Cabaret. Harry had resisted looking it up, but he really was intrigued at what was so special about this role Louis had. 

The weekend retreat was coming up the following Friday night to Sunday. He had signed up looking forward to some time away and wanted to take advantage of the smaller counseling sessions. Even though the meetings were helping he really felt like he needed to dig a little deeper into his past and where he wanted to be in the future. He'd spent eight years with Mark, then took care of him for three years while he was sick. Harry felt like all of that had really taken its toll on him.

**

While he was preparing the marinade for the chicken he had set in a large pan on the stove, Harry's phone started buzzing.

_Hey hoooooo!_

Harry chuckled.

_Hey hoooo yourself Lou!_

_Whatcha doin harold?_

_Workin on a marinade for some chicken for a private party Liam is picking up in 2 hours. Hbu?_

_Well I’m not rehearsing today. I wanted to see if you and Addie wanted to join me for a picnic at the park?_

Harry stared at the phone. He really enjoyed talking to him, but he hadn’t met Addie yet and always asked about her and wanted to meet her soon.

He told himself that it's just the park, why get worked up?

_Ok that sounds good, but she's sleeping now and I’m cooking. How about after the boys get this food, it should be about 1:30 and Addie will be awake and hungry by then too I’m sure. Will that work ok?_

_Yes mate! I can’t wait to meet her. There's a park by Cherry Rd and Pine._

That's the park right down the street, Harry thought to himself

 _I know it well its just down from my house. You stalkin me Lou?_  

_Ha! No it’s by my house._

Harry leaned on the counter more.

_Well now, this IS interesting, where's your house then?_

_I am off Cherry rd and Woodrow._

_Louis! The park is where our neighborhoods intersect! Who'd have thought!? I'll text you when we are ready and we'll just walk to meet you!_

Harry grabbed a large mixing bowl and dropped the ingredients in and shook his head while smiling to himself, thinking "We are literally just blocks from each other."

The next two hours passed quickly, he got the chicken marinated and in the oven, green salad tossed, pasta salad and German potato salad both prepared and chilling in the fridge along with two more platters of cheeses and vegetables cut and plated.

Just as the door bell rang Addie was yelling in her room.

Harry ran and grabbed the door and let them in, then turned to head down the hall to attend to Addie.

Niall and Liam said their quick hellos and grabbed up all the items Harry had prepared. The night before Harry had made breads, muffins and two plates of cookies and brownies.

“Mate we'd stay but you know how the auxiliary ladies get if their food isn’t properly set up on time.” Niall gave a him quick side hug and kissed Addie on the cheek.

“Oh yes, don’t want to you get swatted. Go on and call me or text me later so we can catch up.” he said to Liam who was carrying the last of the trays out the door to the van.

“Catch you later mate. Thanks again!” Liam yelled as he hopped in the van and they drove away.

Harry watched Addie taking in all the movement waving her hands and clapping. He couldn’t believe that in one month she would already be a year old.

“Well that leaves you and me, then, yeah, little lady? Let’s get you dressed, we're going to meet a friend of mine, Louis. Can you say that, 'Louis'?” Addie sucked on her fingers while he put leggings and a t shirt with butterflies on it on her. He also packed a light jacket just in case she should get cold.

She was pulling up on everything so he put his hands out and she pulled up to face him eye to eye  and patted his head. Her curls flopped onto her forehead now. He face had thinned out a little, but her cheeks still had deep dimples. The green in her eyes were starting to take on a bit of a gold hue. Kissing both her cheeks he sat her down on the  carpeted floor.

Grabbing an old blanket out of the hall closet, he reached for the diaper bag and added some small toys for her to play with. Addie followed Harry out into the hallway and would stop and sit on her bottom looking up at him curiously.

“Yes, my dear, we're going soon, are you thirsty, butterfly?” Harry picked up her Sippy cup and filled it up with some ice water. “I'll bring a bottle, don’t you worry.” She reached right away for it, took a big gulp tilting her head way back then tossed it to the floor as Harry got the stroller out of the closet; Addie crawled right over and pulled herself up on it.

He had already packed her a lunch with some fruit and yoghurt mixed up and chicken cut into small pieces and a bottle to wash everything down. He wasn’t quite sure what Louis would show up with.

He took out his phone and punched in Louis' name to say they were ready.

_Mate! Addie's in the stroller ready for her picnic.  Want to start walking to meet?_

Harry's phone immediately beeped back.

_I was just about to walk about the door too. Yes I'll see you in 50 paces._

Harry maneuvered the stroller out the door and carried it and Addie down the steps to the small path in the front yard and then settled her into the stroller seat.

The sun was high in the sky and the warm breeze was still blowing.

Harry pushed his own curls off his forehead with a headband and then straightened the umbrella over Addie to keep the sun out of her eyes. They then set off down the sidewalk for the two-block walk tto the park.  

As they stood on the corner he could see Louis’ figure come into view a block away on the other side of the park. He waved a hand in recognition as he waited for a car to pass, then he crossed with Addie. The closer they got, Harry realized that he was actually nervous, but wasn't really sure why. His stomach was doing a weird dance it hadn’t done in a very long time.

He shook his head to clear it and then leaned down and checked on Addie. Her big green eyes were focused on Louis walking towards them. His hair was blowing around in the wind and he was wearing his usual Toms with rolled up trousers and a t shirt displaying words he couldn’t quite make out. He was grinning from ear to ear at Addie, waving and mouthing, "HI".

She gave Harry a questioning look, then her eyes were back on Louis. Her expression said that she wasn't quite sure what to make of him just yet.

“Hi, mate!" Louis exclaimed as he pulled Harry into a side hug. He then leaned over and gently touched Addie’s hand. “Hi little sweetie, I’ve heard so much about you.”

She studied his face for a moment and instantly a smile broke out across her face, showing her deep dimples.

“That’s my girl.” Harry beamed down at her.

Louis had a large bag in his hands. “Shall we find a nice spot?” and gestured into the park with one hand, and gently placed the other on Harry's back.

The park was green and lush with benches and a large playground with swings. There were tennis courts and a large area for football. In the middle there was a pond with fountain and lights, and ducks all around. There was also a small walking trail that led into the woods.

They chose a nice open area under a large, shady tree. Harry pulled the blanket out and spread it out on the ground. Louis had a smaller one he placed next to it. Harry pulled Addie out of the stroller and pulled her lunch out right away to keep her from crawling off too quickly and started her on the peas and chicken.

He settled himself down next to Louis. “So what did you bring for us, I’m starving, I've been slaving over a hot stove all day!”

Louis looked up, smiling. “Well, we have some sandwiches that I bought, and salads that I bought and some fruit that I bought. I can't cook.” he said sheepishly, and handed Harry a paper plate with a sandwich and a bowl of salad, setting the large bowl of cubed fruit between them.

“Thank you mate, hey this is fantastic. I really appreciate it. After cooking all day this is nice.” Harry said as he took the plate.

Addie was watching them and the ducks.

“Oh, Harry she's just beautiful. She looks so much like you... um this is personal and I probably shouldn’t ask, but does the mum see her?” Louis asked as he broke a piece off his sandwich.

“Oh, we have an arrangement. I send her pictures, she had actually done this before for another gay couple, so she knew what to expect. We did a lot of research. She gave up all her rights. It was legally sound. Mark saw to that. And he only wanted to do it if I was the father. I had mentioned adopting before, but we went this route first and it all took the first time round.”

Harry pulled more chicken and spooned some yoghurt into Addie’s mouth.

“I hope you don’t mind I asked. I tend to do that sometimes. I ask personal questions.”

Louis picked up a piece of strawberry and held it out for Addie. She took a look at his hand and gently took it.

Harry watched him with her. "No, I don’t mind at all, we're friends and I feel like we can talk about anything. A lot of people do wonder how it all works, so I don’t blame you for asking.”

Handing over her bottle after he felt that Addie had eaten enough, he laid her back on the blanket while she played with the giraffe and sucked down the bottle. Harry got to finish his salad and sandwich. There was a comfortable silence between them. He never found it very hard to keep up a conversation. They spent time talking and listening but also time just sitting in easy silence.

Louis flopped over on his belly facing Addie as she twisted her head to look at him, grabbed at his long hair with her chubby hand, and swished it around through her fingers. She pulled the bottle out of her mouth and giggled out loud. She stuck it back in and repeated the action and took out the bottle and laughed again, and this time Louis laughed with her.

Harry watched the interaction while he picked up the lunch dishes. “I think you may have found a friend. Now I know who to call when she’s having a melt down.”

“You could call me anytime Harry, if you need help. I would come over.” Louis kept up pushing his hair into her hand.

“I'll keep that in mind. And you live so close I can't believe it. How long have you lived over here?”

“I moved in with my boyfriend almost two years ago.” Louis tickled her side while she swatted him with the giraffe.

Harry felt his stomach clench.

“That lasted all of about three weeks before he decided he couldn’t live without his mum and moved back home. So I stayed on and made it work, I didn't have much of a choice and I told him we were done. He was quite droll actually.” Louis took the empty bottle from Addie and handed it to Harry. She grabbed his fingers and pulled herself up.

Harry’s mind was racing, he had a boyfriend. He hadn't wanted to make any assumptions about people, he'd thought Louis might be gay, but hadn't been sure.

“You knew I was gay, right?” Louis asked, looking over at Harry while holding Addie's fingers while she bounced a bit, marching in place.

Harry smiled. “Honesty hour, I wasn’t completely sure. I didn’t want to assume?”

Louis looked at him with his deep blue eyes. “Well, now you know.”

“Yes I do.” Stretching out his legs in front of him. “That was a really good lunch, Louis, thank you.”

“How about we fold up the blanket and take this little lady on a walk? How about down that trail?” Louis pointed to the woods.

They gathered up the blankets and toys and stowed them under the stroller and set off for the wooded trail.

They walked back deep into the woods, and Louis spent a lot of time telling Addie about the different kinds of trees and the animals they saw. He handed her a leaf then realized that was a bad idea when she tried to eat it. Harry laughed at him trying so hard.

Coming back out of the trail they decided to put Addie in a swing. Harry stood behind her and Louis in front of her. Gently starting out, she made loud cackling noises of approval. Louis made funny faces at her every time she swung forward.

Harry couldn’t help but feel a bit sad but kept a smile plastered on his face. This is what he assumed he would be doing with Mark. But watching Louis with her he realized that this was his life now, he needed to remember the here and now.

Louis looked at this watch after a while. “Harry I don’t really want to go but a friend is coming over to work on her lines and we're going to work on our duets.”

Addie was starting to doze off in the swing. “Its fine, Lou, this girl is going to crash out early, I have a feeling. Harry pulled her out of the swing and they walked back to the stroller. Harry strapped her in and tilted  it back a bit so she could lay back .

He turned and faced Louis. “This was really nice.” he murmured and looked down at his feet, kicking at the grass. "I don’t do things like this enough, I need to get out more often.”

“This was really very nice, Harry. I do hope we can do it again.” Louis pushed his hair back and looked up at Harry.

“I'll see you at the retreat this weekend. I really am looking forward to that.” Harry started pushing the stroller to the entrance.

“Just remember the food is shit, and it will be fine.” Louis chucked as he fell into step next to Harry.  

At the corner, Louis grasped Harry's arm and pulled him into a brief hug. It happened so quickly Harry didn’t have time to react enough to really hug him back.

“See you Friday night. Gotta run.” Louis said quickly before walking away, taking long strides down the sidewalk. 

Harry watched his figure retreat down the street. Sighing deeply before turning away, he crossed the street to make his way home.

**

Addie fell sound asleep early that night. Harry lay in bed with the covers pulled up to his chin, and listened to the sound of crickets outside. He was watching an old movie in the dark. It was this time of night he felt most alone. He thought about how nice it would to have someone to talk to before falling asleep or just to hold and cuddle. He missed that.

His phone vibrating on the night stand startled him from his thoughts.

_Harry you awake mate? I know it’s late._

_Hey Lou yeah just watching some shit movie on tv. U?_

_Eh just doing the same.. what movie?_

_Don’t laugh ok? Love Actually._

_Harry! No you’re lying to me. She just found out he’s been cheating on her and bought the necklace for that skank at his office!_

_HA!! you’re watching it too then!_

_Yes I am mate. Hey I wanted to say thanks again for meeting me today and letting me meet sweet Addie._

_Lou, I should thank you again it was lovely. Addie was out early. But now I'm just laying here waiting to fall asleep._

_You miss having someone by your side don’t you?_

Harry stared at the screen. Had Louis just climbed into his head? He didn’t want to give him the wrong impression right now. There was too much in his head to think about another possible relationship. But he couldn’t lie to him either.

_Yes._

That was all he could say. It was true. He hit send.

_Well I better get to bed I need to get up early for rehearsal we plan on trying to run the full show twice since I wont be around this weekend._

_I know I'll see you in the audience._

_You're relentless aren’t you Lou?_

_YES! Yes I am. Nite Harry. Xx_

_Nite Lou._


	4. Chapter 4

Louis set the kettle back on the stove, flicking over the paper he had been browsing for sales at local stores. His cupboard was getting bare - sadly there wasn’t much time to shop till after rehearsal.

His tea was steaming as he took a sip. One thing he did know was tea; it was almost a passion of his to find new brands and flavors to try, if it was shit he threw it out but most of the time he knew what to buy. He would spend Saturday mornings driving to local shops that specialized in tea leaves just to find a mix he could make and they would package it up for him.

His kitchen was a thrown together mish mosh of items he had acquired from antique stores. The two items that got the most use were the toaster oven and microwave. Canisters of different shapes and sizes with mis-matched plate sets with cookware were lined up in an open shelf. His friend had given him an oak table with chairs which sat in the corner holding his laptop and books scattered about.

His home followed the same pattern a big couch thrown in the living room with a wicker table in front. Art pieces he had collected haphazardly thrown on bare walls. Sculptures set on tables and glass figures in window sills. Several walls painted different colors depending on his mood at the time. Invite guests over to paint and give them a pint then see what happens.

The house had an open floor plan which he loved he could sit in the kitchen and peer over his oversized couch to the TV in the main living room.

He fell in love with the yard; it was small and neat with two rose bushes that never died out even though he hardly tends to them. He wanted a sitting area so he got the brilliant idea to pull apart a set after South Pacific two years ago bringing home four pieces for the wall. He set them in the yard threw bits of paint on it and called it his oasis in the backyard. He strung up lights around the trees outside.

His friend had built him a porch swing and two rickety chairs to go with t27. It was slice of heaven in a mundane world. Many cast parties were thrown at his home, music blaring, drinks over flowing discussing life.

Scanning the room he decided he better straighten up before Miranda was to arrive to go over lines.

He never ever claimed to keep house. He moved dirt around and more or less made sure things would get thrown out but he never tried very hard to make too much effort to clean it took too long.

Picking up and moving some stacks of magazines, he was too lazy to recycle just yet, along with take away boxes from the night before he moved them to the back porch containers.

Lighting candles he moved around opening a few windows. It as getting late and he need to air the house out.

Several days prior he had finally gotten Harry out of the house on what some would possibly call a date. But not Louis, it was just a friend thing for now. He knew damn well that Harry would not ever date him. Well at least he hoped at some point he could try to convince him to give it a shot. There was too much going on in his head right now.

But for Louis it was a cross to bear, he really likes the kid. He was three years older now crossing into his thirties so he felt in his head it was ok to call him "kid".

He was just so beautiful, he admitted it to himself the first night he walked into the meeting. Instantly compelled to reach out him, maybe even help him, even though Louis knew he was too fucked up really to help anyone else.

He managed to keep this grand façade that he was ok, just fine and life was good.

If he was to divulge to him what was always going on in his mind, he might run away and not look back.

This upcoming weekend retreat he didn’t really need to go to, the only reason he decided to go was Harry mentioned he was going to check it out. Louis had gone several times and each time he arrived home wrecked with emotion that took days to repair back to cheerful. He was afraid for what Harry will experience; he hoped he could help him, possibly for selfish reasons he would love for him to lean on him.

Only time would tell how it affects him. Flipping on some music stepping out on the porch to grab a quick smoke, he was a very casual smoker, to the point of buying a pack and it lasting weeks. He wasn’t sure if it was just a look he was going for or if he actually enjoyed the smoke stinging his throat making his head dizzy if it had been several days before he had one.

Drifting around his back yard admiring the lights while smoke trailed behind him; his thoughts coming back to life. He wasn’t particularly close with his family they tended to be a bit too homophobic for his taste. They weren’t interested in his shows or anything he tried to do for that matter. His love life really was laughable. Rodney had run home after trying to be a grown up was too hard for him. He had the occasional fling with a chorus dancer when he simply couldn’t help himself. But anything lasting just didn’t fall into place yet. He had made wonderful friends at the theatre, there was something to day about theatre people, their outlooks on life didn't compare to others, and everyone was open and free. His friends would lay down in front of a bus for him. Well of course if that bus was made of paper Mache maybe.

He thought of Harry how, at twenty seven, he had been so sure about his life and his relationship that he brought his beautiful Addie into the world possibly knowing deep down his partner may or may not live to see her grow.

He just couldn't wrap his brain around it. He would love to be a dad someday if the time was right and with the right person.

Shaking his head he walked over and stubbed out the cigarette he still held in his hand.

“Knock knock!” Came a sing song voice from inside his house.

Louis saw hair before his friend stepped into view; shocking blue and purple flashed on the porch.

“Oh, lovely Miranda it worked, I love the streaks!” Louis walked over to inspect it waving his arm for her to spin around.

“Not sure how Rob is going to feel about it come show time.” Louis kissed both her cheeks.

“Ah he can fuck off. We can find a wig right love.” Miranda walked back in his house.

“How you doing? Keeping busy I see.” Waving her hand at his messy living room.

Showing his love for her with a middle finger and a smile.

“You want to start with Maybe this time hon, warm your voice up?" Louis went over to his iPod. Scrolling down the music to get to her song he figured his neighbors must be used to all the singing coming from his house at this point.

“Sure thing sweets let me use the loo real quickly” Miranda sauntered down the hall.

Louis heard his phone vibrate on the counter, checking the message, it was Harry.

"Mate! Sorry sorry I know you have company just needed to ask. Probably a silly question but what is the dress like at the retreat? Do I just need to pack for anything in particular?"

Louis looked at the screen laughing, this boy. He was so cute.

"No worries mate we are just getting started. Just bring your comfy clothes. You will spend a lot of time sitting on your arse talking anyway. Maybe we could sneak away for a walk? They have some nice trails. So maybe some boots? Don’t worry too much about it."

"Oh thank you so much Lou! Ok gotta get Addie to bed. Have a nice evening. X"

"You too Harry, kisses to Addie. Xx"

Setting the phone back on the counter he swung around to see Miranda watching him with a pensive look, arms crossed leaning on the wall.

Brushing his hair off his eyes. “What?” smirking at her, he walked back to his iPod.

“Spill it!” gesturing to his phone.

“There is nothing to spill.” Flipping his hair back in a broad gesture.

“Oh honey the look on your face while you were typing, please! If you could have gone through that phone. What’s his name?” Miranda pulled a water bottle out of her purse taking a long drink.

“Oh you’re such a bitch.” Smiling as he caressed her face. “Fine! His name is Harry. I met him at my group meetings. He’s a bit of a case though, he lost his partner it’s all very tragic.”

“But you've been chatting? What about interest?” Miranda raised an eyebrow.

“Oh babes, its one of those things I’m keeping my distance there, he’s a young father and lost and confused still. But oh, let me tell you, he’s so fit! Mouthwatering, but I didn’t say that in case you ever meet him. I’m going to hold a ticket to the show for him. He actually likes theatre!”

“Wait, back up? He’s a dad?” Miranda sat on the stool by the kitchen.

“See I told you tragic, but amazing too. She’s going to be a year old. You should see her, beautiful and he’s just incredible with her.” Staring off into space as he described him.

“Oh no, earth to Louis. You got it bad sweetie. But that’s not a bad thing. Just be careful, he’s a package deal right?” Miranda stood and kissed him on the cheek.

“Let’s sing ok? Get your mind off him.”

Louis closed his eyes and gathered all his abilities to close off his mind.

**

Several hours later, voices spent, they sat outside; Louis was having his second cigarette of the evening chased by a glass of Merlot. Kicking his foot softly on the ground he listened to Miranda drone on about her love life. He loved her talent and they were the best of friends but her men stories all sounded the same.

“So he took me to dinner and a movie right, but didn't even both to try and kiss me! What even is that?” Gesturing broadly she picked up her wine glass.

“Sweetie you’re talking to the wrong guy about heterosexual matters of the heart.” Smiling at her over his glass.

“Oh please, you’re telling me it’s so much different if I was a gay man?” Looking astounded. “With your looks you could and have picked up several boys if I do recall over the years. Just flash your baby blues they are putty in your hands.”

Miranda wasn't completely wrong on this matter but he really didn't like to admit he had been a bit of a slut in his early twenties.

“Yes maybe, but I did always kiss them goodnight or more accurately good morning.” Throwing his head back in a laugh eyes crinkled.

“Well see then you should at least kiss them good night is all I’m saying. Well love thank you for working with me tonight. I know you have a busy day tomorrow. I shall leave you.” Slipping on her shoes she had kicked off making her way into the house.

Louis kissed her cheek leading her out to the front door. Closing the door he walked back into the kitchen to wash out the wine glasses.

Glancing over noticing at his phone on the counter he had missed a call. He noticed he had a text too.

Harry had called and sent a text about two hours prior while they were sitting outside.

Pulling open the text he couldn't help but smile.

"Well hi again, I had called but then realized you were probably still busy so I didn’t leave a message. But Addie’s in bed so I was just going to check in with you. Can I be honest Louis? I’m nervous, I don’t mean to be just I’m almost afraid of what I will discover about myself this weekend. I want to feel better, I really do. But how can I?

I’m just rambling, sorry thanks for being such a great friend to me. I will see you at the center in the morning. Would you want to carpool? I know we didn’t think of this before now. Just let me know in the morning I can always come pick you up? Night Lou. Xx"

Oh boy he’s already freaking out, Louis thought as he set the phone down. It was now well after midnight too late to text or call, and he figured he needed to get some sleep too. They were to meet at the center at 8am and now he wants to carpool. Great, a close car ride for two hours will really help his attempt to not want to jump him. But it will be good too, time to get to know him better.

Flipping off the lights and locking doors he grabbed his phone and put it on the charge setting his alarm for 6am he wanted to have some caffeine in his system before the ride.

The sheets felt extra chilly since he had opened windows when his naked form pulled the covers up to this chin.

Normally Louis never took the time to really think about relationships and what they mean. He hadn’t met anyone that he would so easily just get along with. It was refreshing. As his eyes fluttered shut he hoped that there would be enough emotion left in him to help. Some day he wanted to get the light back that had gone off in his brain the day he lost his little sister. Sadly a day he will never forget.


	5. Chapter 5

Harry couldn’t sleep. It was now 4am on the clock. He knew that if got up it would drag. So he kept flipping over. The sheets were pretty much locked around his legs from moving so much.

It was torture to think that in just under two hours he would be up and would have to drive. He had thought it was a great idea to have Louis with him, but since he didn’t text or call he didn’t know yet.

He had this bad habit of trying to make sure everything was in place. It would drive Mark crazy. He was the one that made all their plans and kept him informed so he could just show up.

Harry had planned how the house would be decorated - when it came to the nursery he lost so much sleep over shades of colors blending.

But on top of getting everything with the baby coming he was driving Mark to treatments. Then pretending that everything was fine when he spent days in bed or in the bathroom sick from the chemotherapy.

Mark never saw the times that Harry spent on his knees behind closed doors praying to someone to help him, keep him sane during those long hours of listening to him retch from the chemo coursing through his veins, or putting Popsicles in front of him only for him to scoff that it was the wrong flavor. He just smiled and would sweetly cover the wrong flavor back up and eat it himself when he could and trudge into the kitchen and grab the right flavor with a kiss to his forehead.

It is so hard to take care of someone that doesn’t first think they need it, and when they really do they don’t seem to care. You put their world on your back and carry it around with you all the time. Harry didn’t mind, he loved him. He would do it all over again and not do anything differently.

Shaking his head he realized his thoughts were keeping him more and more awake.

Stepping onto the cold floor he decided at 5am it was time to shower and get Addie’s bag packed to go stay and nana and poppa’s house.

**

Quietly bringing his and Addie’s bags into the kitchen, he heard his phone buzz.

Louis.

"Harry, I hope it’s not too early, I’m up before the damn sun! Something is wrong with this picture. But I did get your text. If you would like to drive and I pay half the gas then please come pick me up let’s say at 7:15? Can we stop and get some good coffee for the road I neeeeed it".

Checking his watch he had just enough time to get Addie up and take her to his mum’s house.

"Morning Louis! Great. I am about to leave to take Addie to my mum’s. I will get you. Address might be helpful??"

"Shit Harry! Yes it would.. 1718 Cherry Rd. It’s purple. Trust me you can’t miss it. I will tell you the story too on our lovely drive."

Harry stared at his phone. Purple?

"I will be there mate close to 7:15."

Addie was making a noise when he set his phone down. Practically skipping down the hall he swung open her door. She had pulled herself up and was standing there waiting for him arms outstretched.

“How’s my Addie? Hello love, good morning!” Placing kisses on her face as he picked her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Open mouth kissing his cheek.

“Ready to go to Nana’s?” Harry laid her on the changing table.

“Nannna nannnn nannna.” She responded clapping her hands.

“I’m going to be gone a few nights my butterfly. But I will be back soon. Ok?”

Harry spoke directly to her. Addie looked up as if to understand. He tried really hard not to sound like baby talk.

Carrying her around while she clung to his neck checking windows, lights and doors to make sure everything was locked up. It was so rare that he ever left for any period of time he needed to double check.

Setting her in the play pen with her giraffe, blanket and Sippy cup "I will be right back.” He headed out and put everything in the car.

‘Dahhhhhd Daaaadaaaad” she sang out from her play pen as he came back up the steps.

Harry smiled at his curly haired daughter. She had thinned out and her chubby hands were becoming long fingers and her belly wasn’t sticking out as much, she was starting to look like a little lady instead of a baby. Her green eyes stood out underneath her dark eyebrows and long lashes. The dimples seemed even deeper if it was possible.

Scooping her up his eyes swept around the room, he then shut and locked the door.

He purposely called his mum on the way to meet him outside. He knew if he took her in he may not leave her at all. In her 10 months of life he had only left her overnight a handful of times. This was a whole weekend, he needed it, and she needed it but still was hard. Kissing his mum several times and kissing Addie more he got in the car and watched them wave till he got around the corner.

Switching the music from classical to Blink 182 was a must, he needed to wake up and get out of his head.

**

Slowly creeping down Cherry Road he kept an eye out for a purple house, the street veered off to the right at the end. Right at the corner he turned slightly and laughed out loud. He wasn’t kidding! It was purple, a very deep purple almost black on one side and brick on the other.

Louis must have seen him coming down the street as he stepped out on the porch as he got closer, smiling.

He was dressed in jeans and a short sleeved button down blue and green checked shirt with blue Toms. It was a very nice look for him, his hair was swooping down over his eye and the rest of the fringe was sticking out in a few different directions. Harry thinks his breath may have been taken for a moment.

Bouncing down the steps Louis met him at the car as he slowed, motioning for him to pop the trunk.

Coming back to the passenger door he jumped in.

“Morning mate! I decided my usual look of sweats needed to go away for the weekend.” Gesturing to his chest in a grand motion.

Harry chuckled and put the car in drive.

“Well it suits you just fine. I do actually like a good checkered shirt. So where do we stop for coffee?”

Turning the car around to face going out the way he came in.

“Oh it’s a fabulous place just by the center called the Coffee Cafe. I shall treat you for taking me on for two hours.” Louis flashed a sparkly smile at him.

“Well you don’t have to pay it’s my pleasure, I invited you along with me.” Harry kept his eyes on the road.

Louis picked up Harry’s iPod scrolling through it. “Ah mate, not to be a total downer but damn this is depressing music.”

Harry half looked over, if Louis only knew how bad it really was six months ago.

Sighing he replied. "I know I just couldn’t bring myself to listen to anything upbeat, but its getting better than it was.”

Harry adjusted the air in the car.

Louis could have smacked his head right there for making such a statement, of course he was still in his depressed state.

“I’m sorry mate that was terribly insensitive of me.” Placing his hand on Harry’s arm softly rubbing his thumb over his bicep.

Harry smiled back. “Oh please don’t think that, it’s fine your and right, I’ve got to face facts I need to quit making myself sad. It’s,  as you say "being a total downer.”"

“Downer or not I need to think before I speak sometimes.” Louis removed his hand.

“Honestly no, I need someone like you in my life right now. You tell it like it is, I’ve been dancing around my feelings for too long right?” Harry stopped at the light looking over at Louis.

Louis felt his eyes looking at him and he knew he meant it.

“Harry only you can fix it, I will help you the best I can, but remember I’m still in therapy too. I’m pretty fucked up.” Turning to look out the window he pushed his hair out of his eyes.

Harry watched his face drop, if he could get behind those eyes. Time will help. He feels Louis is hurting more than he lets on.

“Ok enough downers talk right! Let’s get that coffee and we can talk about everything else ok? We have plenty of time.” Harry patted his knee.

“So I go past the center?” Harry was watching the road.

“Yep make a left here then we can head to meet everyone in the parking lot.”

Stepping into coffee house Harry took a deep breath, the smell tickled his nose, made him feel instantly better. Louis walked to the counter first. “Hey Meredith, how’s tricks?”

“Louis! Long time sweet cheeks! How’s the show coming?”

Meredith leaned over the counter to accept a kiss on the cheek.

“I bet you can’t wait to get back on that stage. I wish my classes would have allowed me to get involved, just no time with work and school.”

“Oh love its been a hoot, I missed you too.”

Gesturing back to Harry, "Meredith this is Harry my friend. We need some caffeine for our road trip.”

Harry stepped up and shook her hand with a dimply smile.

“Meredith has been a part of my theatre company for years off and on, amazing voice on this one. Can I get my usual mocha latte? I’m a big spender today and buying Harry’s too.” Placing a hand on his shoulder.

“What can I make you love?” Meredith turned to make Louis’s drink.

“I would love a Carmel latte extra whipped cream please. I’m on a mini-vacation, I’m splurging!” Harry chuckled smiling at Louis.

“Oh whoa there buddy spending all my money on extra whipped cream I see.” Louis pulled out his wallet placing the money on the counter.

Harry walked over to the small counter holding brands of coffee and tea. Noticing a small container of raspberry mint tea leaves he grabbed the container.

“Meredith please ring this up on me.” Placing it on the counter.

Louis looked down at the container, raspberry mint. Harry knew that he was in love with raspberry tea, "that little shit" he thought, he’s going to make me like him more and more with little to no effort.

“Harry really, you don’t have too.” Louis grabbed his and Harry's coffee.

“Shush! Just take the container and like it.” Harry placed money on the counter.

“Fine,  twist my arm! Meredith make sure you let me know when you will see the show, come the last night you know I will have the cast party as usual at my house. You have to see what we built.”

Kissing her cheek he made his way out after Harry.

Once outside Louis turned to Harry. “Mate, thank you. I can’t wait to try this; you will have to join me for a cup.”

“We will for sure, so we meet and follow each other,  is this how it works?” Harry opened the car door for Louis since he was holding both coffees.

Louis smiled up at him at the gesture.

“Yes even though we all know each other, we like to arrive together, he has so many groups its nice to know there are people there you already know.”

Pulling out of the lot cradling his coffee enjoying every sip of the sugary goodness, Harry moaned.

“Um mate? You’re moaning.” Louis smirked at him.

He could feel his cheeks redden. “Ha!” He barked out. “Sorry, sorry it’s been a while.”

“For?? Coffee or.....?” Louis eyes were watering, he was smiling so big.

“Coffee!! Coffee!! Well maybe everything really.” Harry turned away from Louis, he could feel his stomach warming.

“And we haven’t even left town yet.” Patting Harry’s leg. “This may be a very interesting car ride.”

They could see Lenora and Charles standing up against their cars waiting. Harry pulled into the slot next to them. Coffee in hand he got out to greet them.

Within a few minutes everyone that was going to be traveling had arrived. It was a nice group of people and Harry felt like he fit in and was happy to have gotten to know them all over the past month.

Louis watched Harry talk with everyone; he just was so at ease with meeting people and making conversation he made it effortless. Louis may seem like its easy but his acting abilities help out a lot. He was looking forward to the car ride and spending time with Harry.

**

Pulling onto the highway Louis and Harry had settled into light conversation about school and Harry’s venture into catering.

“So I know who I can call if I want to feed this cast party then?” Louis kicked off his shoes placing a foot up on the dash.

Harry watched him push the seat back and kick off his shoes.

“Well of course, just let me know if I can help.”

Louis took the last big sip of his coffee.

“Oh Harry I wouldn’t do that to you, I want you to come to the show, not work or anything. But maybe a different time.”

“So your still not going to tell me who you are in this show are you?” Harry looked sideways at him.

“Trust me you will be surprised I think. Its, lets say, a bit over the top.”

Harry kept his eyes on the road; Louis had plugged in his iPod it was tuned to Hey Soul Sister.

“I will be there; I planned to all along, so I will come the last night then?” Harry tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.

Louis reached out and touched his arm. “Oh that’s great Harry. I will reserve you the best seat in the house.”

Louis still wondered why he wanted him there so much, why it meant so much to him.

“Harry, not to bring up a bad subject,, but are you feeling better about this weekend? Your text last night, I was worried about you.”

Harry swallowed hard. “I don’t want to lie and say I’m fine. But I plan on really trying to work through moving forward. I want to Lou, ya know, I feel like if I don’t I won’t ever be able to….”

“What Harry?” Louis rested his chin on his bent knees staring at his profile.

“Move on.” Harry looked at Louis into his blue eyes silently telling him.

Louis felt his gaze was two fold but he didn’t want to read into it so he changed the subject.

“Wanna hear about my purple house?”

Turns out the house was painted purple by accident. A few too many bottles of wine proved that if you tell someone you think it would be cool to have a purple house. It just might happen.

The rest of the journey was pleasant, comfortable silence along with stories of Addie and Harry filling Louis in on his family.

 Louis didn’t say much about his own, it was too painful to tell Harry about parents that didn’t care and sisters that wanted hardly anything to do with him. So he stuck with telling about his theatre family instead.

 He had quite the array of friends from all walks of life; everyone was welcome into his world.

Turning down a small windy two-lane road, past bright green bushes surrounded by vast country speckled with flowers. Harry watched he was pulled into a quaint town with shops for breads and pastries. A small church with a high steeple on a hill, next to goats and cattle who grazed down into a valley. A creek ran down to a small one lane covered bridge that held the name "O’Leary’s" up by two posts.

Crossing through opened to a large house bright with flower boxes set on railings of the porch. Hanging plants hung high with a large flag flying overhead.

There was a white fence running the perimeter of the property. Harry could see small gazebos behind the house, wicker tables and chairs on the porch and down in the front yard with colorful umbrellas.

Large oak trees lined the front of the house along with a small fish pond with colorful fish figurines around it. Harry instantly felt calmed. There was something about the feel here he liked.

Louis watched Harry take the place in, he knew his reaction would be good. He felt the same way his first time.

“Its very inviting isn’t it?” Harry remarked to Louis as they pulled their bags out of the trunk.

“It’s very calming and peaceful. I really like it here.” Louis took a breath he really had forgotten how much he needed this place.

Walking up the walkway Harry stopped and let Louis go ahead as a gesture for him to lead since he wasn’t quite sure where he needed to go.

The steps creaked as they went up; Harry nodded to folks sitting on the porch. Just inside the door they walked up to the desk to check in.

They were given keys and a flyer showing the agenda for that evening and Harry and Louis made their way to the second floor to their rooms.

Harry turned to Louis at his door across from his. “I will come over in a few minutes neighbor.”

Shaking his head at Harry. “Ok neighbor.”

Harry set his bags down, text his mum to check on Addie and walked over to open the window. He had a view of the valley it was breath taking.

Louis pulled open the blinds, scanning the room full of knick knacks and quilts. Not quite his style but it was comfy.

There was a knock on his door, Louis walked over and opened it to find Harry standing on the other side holding the flyer. “Look they are going to do karaoke tonight! Louis you need to sing!” Pushing the flyer in his face.

Stepping back and letting Harry in he realized this was going to be a very interesting weekend.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry wandered to the back of the property, to the large full oak trees; he had already sat through two sessions and wanted to stretch his legs. After Louis and he had gotten settled they decided to part ways and visit sessions they were interested in.

Louis took off to a family counseling session which Harry wasn’t too interested in, he had sensed from Louis that there were some issues at home. He didn’t want to pry so he waved him off saying they would meet for lunch.

It was funny, when he was alone his thoughts always drifted back to Addie and what she would be doing with him if she was there. He could picture her trying to toddle around looking for leaves or watching a bird. He could picture her little face peering up at him arms outstretched to show him her latest find.

He might bring her back here just to visit, it was so beautiful and calm and he had noticed right before they turned into the entrance to the retreat house a sign for camp grounds. He always wanted to camp but Mark wasn’t interested so they never ventured out. There is something to be said about being around nature that always seemed to calm him.

Hearing a whistle behind him he turned to see Louis making his way across the grass. His hair was even more fluffed out and flopping over his left eye. The smile that reached his eyes was inviting.

“Hey there mate! How did it go?” Patting Harry on the shoulder then shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Fine really, the first one was mainly about making time for you, learning to be alone, which I have that pretty much covered now. The other was more about having a strong foundation of friends and family that sort of thing.”’ Harry leaned back on the big oak tree.

“You?”

Louis pushed out a breath. “Well see mine isn’t always so easy to really talk about. It's like I get there then I close up. Been happening for a few years.” Staring down at his feet.

Harry pushed away from the tree touching his arm softly. “Lou, if you want to talk I’m always here, people say I tend to listen most of the time pretty well.”

“Let’s get some lunch Harry.” Louis said turning to walk back to the house. Louis looked over his shoulder at him bringing his long fringe to touch his shoulder.

**

After lunch they decided to take in an art class. Louis was impressed the good doctor has broadened his horizons and took suggestions that they needed more fun classes mixed in.

Harry and Louis stood side by side donning frocks to cover their shirts from splattering paint with paintbrushes in hand.

“It’s like primary school all over again Harry!” Louis made long strokes of yellow to meet the orange he had already painted onto the paper sitting atop a large easel.

Harry looked over at his profile smiling. “Oh I think Addie could be doing better than me right now.” Attempting to shape a bird on the paper unsuccessfully.

“What is that? A crocodile?” Louis stepped behind him looking down at the paper.

“No! It’s a blue jay!” Harry looked incredulously at him.

“A bird! In what universe is that a bird?” Holding his side as he laughed out loud.

Harry tried really hard to look offended. “Well it is in mine good sir, now kindly fuck off back your painting!”

“Harry Styles did you just say fuck off? Tsk tsk we must wash your mouth out with soap later!” Louis dipped the brush into blue and made what might look like waves to meet the yellow and orange stripes.

When the art director walked around letting them know it was time for classes to end, they took off their smocks making sure to put their names on their papers.

“Oh yes Harry, we better put our names in case someone else drew a crocodile and a sunset.” Louis ripped off his paper to hang on a clothes line.

Smiling at him Harry stuck his tongue out. “It’s a bird!”

“So Harry will you be my date for dinner?” Louis spun around to grab Harry’s painting to hang up.

Harry felt his stomach fall to the floor ... Date ... Harry had to calm himself; Louis just meant for dinner it's nothing. “Sure, you have to pick me up though.”

Louis stopped every single thought that was ready to fly out of his mouth.

“I shall be on time at 7 o clock sharp good sir.” Bowing in a broad gesture to him.

 “Good, I hate tardiness.” Harry threw their smocks onto a table.

They parted at their rooms. Harry decided a nice long hot shower and a call home was in order.

Louis went out on the small balcony to grab a smoke and check in with Robert, the stage manager at the theatre, and his good friend.

At 7 o'clock sharp Harry heard two sharp knocks on his door.

Opening it to find Louis smiling with a small paper shaped into a flower in his hand, Harry couldn’t help but smile.

“Wow, for me?” Reaching for the flower and placing it in his shirt pocket so the tip was sticking out.

“I got just a wee bit bored over there for the past hour.” Louis felt his cheek warm a bit.

“Funny you can’t paint but you can make paper flowers? Do they have a class for that this weekend?”

Harry pulled the door shut gesturing to walk down the hall.

“Oh you’re the funny one this weekend aren’t you?” Louis noticed how wonderful Harry smelled. He was wearing black jeans with a smart button down black and white shirt. The flower fit into the pocket and made him look adorable.

Louis had showered and changed into khakis with a purple and blue striped shirt with the collar up with matching purple Toms.

Taking the stairs down, the smells of dinner wafted up.

“They must have hired a new chef. This food even smells too good to be true.” Louis pulled the menu out of the stand by the dining room. The dining room was first come first served. They had a few people ahead of them.

“Want a glass of wine?” Harry touched his hand.

“That would be great thanks. Harry, I will hold our place.” Louis stepped behind an older couple while Harry went over to the bar.

Walking back chatting with several folks along the way they were next to be seated. Handing the glass to Louis he noticed several people had started to gather around the back of the porch.

“Wonder what is going on over there?” Harry motioned towards the side door.

“Bet they will set up karaoke over in that area.” Louis looked over his glass while taking a sip. “Oh this tastes so good. Merlot is my favorite.”

“Mine too! Glad I picked it then. So are you going to sing later? You’re famous ya know since you have been onstage before.”

Nearly spitting out his wine Louis choked out. “Famous! Oh that’s a good one Harry.”

The dinning room was softly lit with lace tablecloths and candles flickering in the light breeze escaping in from open windows. Small bouquets of fresh flowers sitting next to the candles casting shadow over the table, Louis set down his glass and walked over pulling out Harry’s chair.

“Such a gentleman.” Harry touched his heart as he sat. Watching Louis sit down scanning the room. “Louis I haven’t been able to relax and laugh this much in quite a while. Thank you.” Taking a sip of the wine letting it warm his insides while looking at menu.

Louis picked up the menu scanning this list of choices. “They really changed everything. You could probably cook circles around anything on this.”

“I will have to have you over for my famous pasta primavera, I make my own sauce, it sits on the stove all day simmering, bellissimo. Mark didn’t like it much so I stopped making it about a year before.” Harry trailed off and watched Louis eyes change just a bit.

“I bet it was hard Harry, I have a feeling you did everything. Yes? Made him special food and took care of it all. Sometimes we all tend to take things for granted.” Placing his hand over Harry’s lightly grazing his fingertips over skin.

“I’m sorry, this is what I need to stop doing, I keep bringing him up. I’m sorry.” Harry felt his stomach clench.

“Hey listen, listen Harry this is why we are here, both of us, to work on the past, not try to forget by any means but to work to help us deal with what they were to us, right? He was a part of your life for eight years why would you instantly forget?” Louis ran his thumb down the back of Harry's hand.

“Your right Lou, I just need to stop comparing life now to then, that is my biggest issue. I want to step out of my head sometimes. I hope I can get new memories in and let them stay in. So ok what you going to order?” Pulling his hand back and patting the top of Louis hand.

“I’m going all out and getting a steak and salad. You?” Harry drank some more wine.

“I think this calls for two steaks and salads.” Louis drank also.

They spent the next hour drinking two more glasses of wine a piece and enjoying a really good steak.

Louis shared a few stories about his mum who he was still in touch with here and there; his dad always had issues with him. From the time he was young his dad was just plain mean to him would say he was a bit too girly. Or he stood funny and walked on his tip toes. He was only a bit proud when Louis decided to play football and he was damn good at it.

He cheered him on a few times, but despite his best efforts to try, he still found many ways to put him down.

When he came out to them they gave him three weeks to move. Louis had purposely waited till he was out of school and old enough to live out of the house as he had a feeling it would happen. So he had packed several bags and walked out the door with little to his name. His friend Jerome had allowed him to stay at his flat till he could get on his feet. Finding the job at the theatre saved his life, he was going down the wrong road of drinking and sleeping around a bit. He was able to work on the shows and behind the scenes and get paid. Then he found himself on the stage more and more. He secured enough to be able to get his own flat.

Harry listened intently and added a few of his own stories of college and university. His life was so vastly different than Louis' but yet they still shared quite a bit in common.

“Well there’s always more to the story but I want to drink some more and let’s go listen to some dreadful singing.” Louis pushed his chair back.

Moving out into the main hall they followed a few other folks heading out to the porch, tables had been set up with lights strung around the banisters. Another mini bar was set up outside. Harry headed over to get two more glasses of wine while Louis found a table by the small staging area.

Lenora waved to them to sit next to her and Charles.

“I’m up next Louis! I know I can’t sound anything like you young man. You better sing.” Patting his arm.

Louis watched Harry making his way back to the table. He had the most beautiful curly, hair not overbearing just soft. This fourth glass of wine will help his singing for sure.

“Lenora is next up, this should be interesting.” Louis had to lean over to Harry's ear so she wouldn’t hear.

“Everyone, give a warm welcome to Lenora! She is going to give us her best Patsy Cline with Crazy!’

Louis and Harry clapped the loudest of anyone sitting outside. Louis whistled and called her name. Lenora blew him a kiss.

Surprisingly she had a really nice voice. They both sat with smiles plastered on their faces till she sat down.

“Lenora! You must try out for the next show we do. That was fantastic!” Louis gave her a squeeze when she came back to the table.

The evening air was blowing around them more glasses of wine were brought to the table. Harry felt his head lighten with every glass, his vision was blurring a bit. He felt happy and silly. It had been a long time since he had drank this much.

They laughed and sang along to old and new songs. Lenora and Charles were laughing with them.

Louis leaned over the table "I will be right back.”

Harry watched him head to the back of the room, most likely to head to the restroom he was guessing. Leaning over to chat with Charles while Louis was gone he didn’t notice him take the microphone.

“Well it looks like we have another singer! This is Louis who has brought me his iPod to do a special song. Enjoy everyone!”

“Hello lovely people, I love this song it’s brought me peace over the years. I wanted to extend that to a good friend of mine.” Louis looked over into Harry's glassy eyes.

Harry felt his heart start to quicken, he wasn’t quite sure why, just watching Louis; he was so confident in what he was doing.

“This is from Les Miserable called Bring Him Home.” Louis closed his eyes as the music started.

Harry watched Louis close his eyes feeling the music it was soft and lovely. His voice was so clear and higher than he expected he breathed in the sound.

_God on high_   
_Hear my prayer_   
_In my need_   
_You have always been there_

_He is young_   
_He's afraid_   
_Let him rest_   
_Heaven blessed._   
_Bring him home_   
_Bring him home_

_Bring him home._

_He's like the son I might have known_   
_If God had granted me a son._   
_The summers die_   
_One by one_   
_How soon they fly_   
_On and on_   
_And I am old_   
_And will be gone._

_Bring him peace_   
_Bring him joy_   
_He is young_   
_He is only a boy_

_You can take_   
_You can give_   
_Let him be_   
_Let him live_   
_If I die, let me die_   
_Let him live_   
_Bring him home_   
_Bring him home_   
_Bring him home._

As Louis held the last note Harry eyes overflowed,tears falling down his face as Louis approached the table, quickly wiping them away with the back of his hand after clapping.

“Louis……”

“Harry, don’t ok its fine. Sorry mate I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Whispering into his ear he rubbed his arm. Louis felt Harry lean towards him.

“Your voice is amazing. Just amazing.”

“Why don’t we go take a walk?” Louis grabbed their glasses.

Saying goodnight to Charles and Lenora they wound their way beyond the crowd down the creaking steps to the front of the building, following the lit pathway. The music faded behind them as they walked slowly towards the front gate down the gravel pathway.

Louis was feeling high from singing and probably too much wine.

Harry was swaying a bit in his steps but he felt light and had a goofy grin on his face.

“Ah the moon is fantastic tonight, it’s just the right size and color casting shadows on everything.” Sucking in a breath and blowing it out. “I want to camp Louis. Always wanted but never got a chance you know that? I want so many things I haven’t done yet. Maybe now I can.” Harry stuck his right hand in his pocket taking a sip of the last of his wine with the other. Staring off past the fence to the dark woods.

“I’ve camped quite a few times actually, we did this little summer camp last year bringing in children for drama classes and overnights. At the end we put on a little show they came up with. It was quite fun. When Addie is older you can bring her, I bet she would love it.” Louis kicked the gravel as he walked.

“Addie would love it I’m sure, so would I. You can teach me all about camping.” Harry bumped his shoulder into Louis.

Louis stopped to lean against a big oak tree placing a foot up behind him. Harry stopped and faced him.

The music was still being pulled by the wind towards them. The silence between them was filling with anticipation.

Harry took another step forward towards Louis not taking his eyes off him. He reached up with his index finger and pushed Louis' hair away from his eye.

Louis could smell his cologne with every breeze across his face. He didn’t want to move.

“I haven’t been able to let anyone in. As much as I have tried to, it just wouldn’t happen.”

“It’s been so long since I have touched anyone.” Harry ran his finger down Louis' fringe, this time catching a bit of skin in its wake.

Sighing out at the touch Louis had to find his voice. “It feels nice Harry.”

“Would you believe I haven’t kissed anyone in a year or longer even.” Harry moved slightly forward his eyes tipped down to focus on Louis lips.

Louis heart was racing, he'd never felt like this before the world was turning slowly on its side while he watched Harry move closer his full lips parting ever so slightly.

His hand softly cupped Louis cheek as he caught his lips, breathing out softly pulling back and catching them again.

Louis sunk into the kiss, his mouth parted allowing his tongue to meet his. His lips were soft and warm, just as he knew they would be.

Harry felt every movement he was making. His lips fit up against Louis'. It was strange but not at the same time. They felt familiar but they were foreign.

Harry pulled back with a small smack of their lips, both his hands were now on either side of Louis head against the tree. He smiled down at him.

Louis reached up and touched his cheek, softly moving his hand into this curly hair. Harry closed his eyes at the touch. Pulling him back down to meet his lips again.

Once they pulled apart again, Louis kissed his nose. “Well I would say with no practice for over a year, you pass the test with flying colors.”

Harry chuckled. “Thanks. I think six glasses of wine might have played a part too.”

“We should go inside it's getting late amd we have a full day of sessions tomorrow. If you’re lucky we can take a hike.” Louis smiled up at him.

“I would like that a lot. I’m feeling very tired now, long day ya?” Harry pushed off the tree with Louis following along side him heading back to the house.

Walking back up the steps to the second floor, Louis stopped in front of Harry’s door. “Well I feel better I’m able to drop my date off in one piece I will sleep peacefully now.” Louis leaned up just a bit and kissed him on the cheek.

Harry smiled widely at this gesture. “This has been a wonderful day Louis. I will see you in the morning for breakfast? Should I pick you up this time?”

“Yes but maybe don’t knock too loudly I think I may have a headache in the morning. Good night Harry.” Grabbing his hand and holding it rubbing his thumb across the top. He went to his door smiling.

Harry watched him till he was behind the closed door. Opening his own door he walked into the dark room. The balloon that was in his chest had puffed so wide he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to sleep or not. He didn’t want to think too much about what happened. He wasn’t going to do what he did with his relationship with Mark, always analyzing. It was just a kiss or several; he wanted to feel this time. He knew there was more to it, there has to be.

Peeling off his clothes he got into bed and for the first time in a very long time he slept peacefully.


	7. Chapter 7

Louis found his tongue might have grown to two sizes bigger than his mouth when he woke that Saturday morning. The sun was peeking through the curtain of the balcony. 

Grabbing at his lips and rubbing his eyes he remembered the six glasses of wine and then the kiss. His stomach dipped low at the thought.

Harry had kissed him. Not the other way around, the other way around is always what happens with him. He is the one to make moves. But it just didn’t feel right to do so. After everything this kid has been through, heck IS going through.

Louis stretched and winced at slight pounding on his right temple. Throwing his legs over the side of the bed he went the bathroom to find relief in pill form and cold liquid.

Emerging surrounded by steam from the very hot shower, he felt better almost energized. He wrapped the towel around his waist to search in his bag for what he was going to wear.

A soft knock made him stare at the door. Harry. Should he cover up? Or answer the door as he is. Ah what the hell he thought so he sauntered over to the door.

“Who is it?” singing out question.

He could hear a chuckle on the other side. “It’s Harry.” A sing song came back with extra deep tones.

“Dear I’m not exactly dressed, should I open the door or not?” Louis stood waiting for answer.

Silence.

“Didn’t think it was that hard of a question.” Louis couldn’t keep his laughter from showing.

“Well if you want to open the door I can turn around.” Harry said slowly.

“Oh my god man.” As he flung open the door.

Harry gasped and covered his eyes.

Louis burst out laughing. “Did you think I was naked?”

“Well I didn’t know for sure.” Smiling as he pulled his fingers apart to look slowly.

“Get in here before they think you’re perverted.” Louis pulled on his arm practically throwing him into the room and shutting the door.

Harry walked around slowly. “You got a balcony?” Pulling back the curtain to show a couple of chairs and a table. Cigarette butts were on the table next to empty soda cans. Harry saw them but didn’t say anything. “Its nice, maybe we could sit out there later.”

Louis took his clothes into the bathroom shutting the door almost all the way. Yelling back through the crack. “Hey you feel ok today?”

Harry was walking around the room looking at items of Louis’s his room was full of stuff everywhere books, papers, clothes, his socks thrown on the floor, several pair of colored toms mismatched around this dresser.

“I do actually; better than I have in quite a while. Oh you’re reading To Kill a Mocking bird that is my favorite book. It’s so good. Not like I have that much time for reading anymore but I do like to.”

Louis stepped out of the bathroom shaking his wet hair out. Harry stared at his hair stuck a bit to his face.

“I feel like I’m rushing you, do you want me to come back?”

“Harry please your fine really, so no headache? That’s great I will admit I had one.” Grabbing his brush flipping his head over to brush out the long strands.

Harry stood and watched this process. Why was he so interested in his hair? It was just the way it was long and soft and ran down his face to hide his eyes.

“I guess I got lucky.” Harry said softly.

When Louis stood up he saw Harry watching him in the mirror. Turning around to face him. He took a step over to him he realized how tall Harry was. Looking up into his eyes. “Hi.” Pulling on his shirt Louis guided him down to his lips.

Just a small soft warm kiss.

Pulling back Louis smiled. “Ok that’s better. Breakfast?”

Harry opened his eyes. “Louis can I say something first?” Harry searched his eyes.

“I hope you didn’t think I was too forward last night. I told myself when I went in my room that I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of anything. But when sober that tends to not be my nature. I’m not even sure what came over me last night. I never act like that. I could blame the wine right? But then it makes it sound like I didn’t want to kiss you.” Harry stopped shoving his hands in his pockets searching for what to say.

“I want to get to know you. And I want to get to know me too if that makes sense? Just you may have to bear with me along the way. I still fight the urge to tell Mark everything. Does sound like I’m insane?”

Louis stepped back to grab his wallet and room key. “Harry I want to get to know you as well. Let’s just make a pact to take things slow and have some fun? Ya? And no babe you’re not insane.”

Harry pushed out the breath he was holding. “Ok good. Let’s get breakfast I need some good fry up.”

After having that conversation Harry felt better, breakfast was full of sausages and crepes with eggs and potatoes. Louis and Harry chatted throughout filling up on tea and juice.

“Well that was great; I still can’t believe the food. Well I’m going to head to my private session. Can I meet you before dinner so we can take that hike I have a feeling we will need it.”

“Sure why don’t you just text me when your done?”

Touching his shoulder." I will." 

Harry walked down the hall to the one session he knew he needed to go to but wasn’t totally mentally prepared to face it. He had to open up and discuss letting him go. But working on keeping the memory alive. 

The room was full; Harry wasn’t sure what he expected. The typical circle of chairs along with extra chairs outside the circle for space, he took his spot and folded his hands in his lap.

Since starting the sessions with the Doc he now was able to talk a lot more freely and was able to accept that his life needed to move on not just for him but for Addie also.

He spent the next three hours talking in the group, and in smaller breakout groups. He started to feel that he could let it go, move on. He came to a lot of realizations about his actual relationship he loved Mark with his very soul, but he may have made it out to be better than it really was. He turned into caregiver and but was almost robot like in what needed to be done. Mark loved him he knew that but when you are that ill you will let that person take care of you. But not always being happy. He didn’t want to think any less of his relationship with him of course. He couldn’t go back, but he would keep it tucked away and try to use what he’s learned.

Pulling himself together at the end of the session was hard. He was feeling a lot of emotion of knowing it was time. He had to move on.

Just know that there was even the slightest possibility he would have Louis to turn to made him feel pretty good. God he missed Addie he was so used to being dad all the time just being away these two days was eating away at his heart.

Pulling out his phone he decided to text Louis to let him know he was done and ready for that walk if he was.

After a half an hour with no word he decided to go up to the room and knock on his door. No answer.

He went back down to the main floor following the hallway glancing in to other sessions to see if he spotted him. He didn’t.

Louis had mentioned he was headed to a one on one session. Maybe that would take longer. But it was going on about four hours now.

Harry walked out on the porch starting to follow around the side when he caught a glimpse of a Louis walking in the distance down the gravel path. His hair was blowing in the breeze; he saw smoke billowing up around him.

Taking the steps down he headed towards the path keeping an eye on where he was headed.

Harry noticed he had his hand in his pocket head down, he stopped to light a cigarette even though he just put one out. Sucking in deeply and blowing out.

“Louis?” Harry decided to call finally when he was close enough for him to hear.

He flipped around and faced Harry his eyes were blazing with emotion he could tell they were red and puffy from crying. He was taking a drag on the cigarette blowing the smoke out fast.

“Harry I know I know nasty habit. But I needed it right now. Just need. Oh bad afternoon man I just need to keep walking. Can I do that please?” Louis turned away and started for the woods.

Harry was still getting to know Louis so he didn’t quite know what to make of this. But he followed him he wanted to help.

Following just a few feet behind him he finally started to slow down so Harry caught up to his side.

 

Harry kept to himself he figured if Louis wanted to talk he would.

Louis pace had slowed down considerably since he first caught up to him he was taking smaller strides.

Finally he turned his head towards Harry as they walked. “I am very sorry I ignored your text. That was rude of me, I just couldn’t respond.”

“Lou, really its fine I was just getting worried about you.”

Louis felt his chest tighten a bit. “Hey why don’t we sit for a few? I could use an ear.”

Blowing out a breath after they sat down Louis patted Harrys leg. “Let me tell ya it can be a roller coaster ride with me Harry.”

Harry let out a sound that may have been a snort. “Well then, we should make the perfect pair. Come to my house when its nap time and you’re trying to clean and cook for a party. One melt down after another and not just by Addie.”

They sat in silence watching the creek bubble and flow.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Of course Lou, anything.” Harry picked up a piece of bark and tossed it into the water watching it float downstream slowly.

The birds remained chirping, the breeze was blowing the sun was setting slowly in the distance casting shadows around them through the leaves.

Louis was having an internal struggle. He was so afraid to tell Harry this truth.

But if he didn’t at least share it then he’s a liar and why should he be his friend or anything more.

Funny though he hadn’t shared this with any of his friends, but felt the need to tell him.

“Do you mind if I smoke?” Louis stuck his hand in his jacket pocket.

“No not at all, go ahead.” Harry watched a bird flit around while he heard the sound of a lighter flicking. Seeing the smoke rise up into the air next to him, he saw Louis flip his hair back and take a drag.

“I told you about my parents making me leave. Of course I did. But my sisters, well they were younger and didn’t quite understand why mum and dad did this. So they called me all the time to keep in touch, tell me about school or their friends. I always was the one to take care of them when they were little. I was the permanent babysitter. My parents may not have liked me that much but they did.”

Stopping to take another drag and push his hair again.

“My youngest sister Danielle was the worst off when I left she called and texted all the time. I used to play tea party with her and dress up and hide and seek. And suddenly her play mate was gone.” Louis took a hitched breath, pulling another drag on his cigarette.

“So one day she called me. Louis come get me, mum and dad are gone I want to see the ponies. There was this farm we always would go to so see the miniature horses she would ride them. I told her I was worried about getting in trouble. But she was insistent so I told my mate I would borrow the car for a little while and go pick her up. He didn’t care so I went.”

Harry watched him a bit sideways. His face was getting flush and his eyes glassy.

“We went to see the ponies and had a great day Harry it was perfect, the weather was sunny, we even stopped for ice cream. But……” Pulling on the last of his cigarette he bowed his head.

“But on our way back for me to drop her off. We were singing in the car and laughing. I stopped at a light. Out…..out…. of….” His voice trailed off.

Harry scooted closer putting his arm over his shoulder rubbing circles down by his shoulder blade.

A tear escaped down his cheek. “Out of nowhere a delivery truck lost his brakes and slammed into her side of the car. I reached out but it was all happening so fast Harry so fast, there wasn’t anything I could do. I heard the crashing sound and then darkness, complete dark. I woke up in the hospital with my mum sat by my side sobbing. I was so scared I didn’t want to know. I didn’t, but they told me …. She…she was gone.”

Harry couldn’t stop his own tears from falling. He pulled Louis into a hug; he instantly buried his face into the crook of his neck. He could feel the wetness gathering at his collar bone.

“Shhhhh shhhhh Lou shhhhhh hey shhh.” Harry rubbed his back and hair while he cried.

“Harry they bla…blamed me. I killed her. I didn’t …. I just didn’t.” Louis sat up and wiped his hand on his nose.

Harry watched him still holding his shoulder. “No of course you didn’t.” Harry looked him in the eyes.

“Louis you’ve been carrying this around since you were eighteen. Accidents happen you didn’t do anything wrong but spend the day with your sister. I’m so sorry. And it’s completely unfair that they still blame you and they never should have made you leave your home.”

Harry wishes he could come face to face with the people that have done this to him. Families shouldn’t do that.

“Thanks Harry that means a lot. I hope you don’t hate me now.” Looking down still wiping his eyes and nose. 

“Are you kidding me right now? Why would you think I would hate you?” Harry was truly baffled by the question.

“Just didn’t know your reaction. I appreciate the kindness and hug, that was nice.” Louis smiled for the first time at him with watery red eyes.

Harry sat with his arm around Louis gently rubbing his thumb over his shoulder every now and then, till his breathing calmed.

“Come on look let’s go clean up for dinner. My treat to free food. Let’s have a drink and quiet evening on that balcony you scored. Ok? We can talk about anything in the world. We both could use a breather.” Harry stood up reaching for Louis hand.

Grabbing it he stood. “Oh how selfish of me I didn’t even ask how your session went.” Smacking himself on the head.

Harry smiled. “I’m good actually it was very eye opening. I feel better.”

“Well at least one of us isn’t breaking down, that’s a great start.” Louis started back towards the trail.

“Harry thanks.” Louis put his arm around his waist.

Putting his arm around Louis shoulder pulling him close to his side. “Your welcome.”

**

Harry leaned on the balcony railing watching folks mill about in the back yard. A candle flickered on the table casting shadows on both their faces. Tipping back the last of his beer he turned to set it with a clank on the metal table.

“You want another one I will get it for you.” Louis offered.

“No I should cut back all this good food and drinks I think I may have gained ten pounds.” Harry patted his flat belly but could still feel the Mexican fiesta they both dove into at the buffet tonight.

“How’s Addie doing? I heard you talking to your mum a bit ago.” Louis set his beer down.

Harry felt the smile form across his face. “Oh she said dada on the phone. I just love that and I really miss her. I may not put her down for a couple of days. But she is fine being spoiled rotten by her nana.”

“If this isn’t too forward of me I’ve wondered what made you two decide to have a baby?” Louis leaned up to stand next to Harry.

“Well to be very honest it was me. I just always wanted children. I will admit I really did push the issue quite a bit till Mark was ok with it.” Harry turned to face back to the yard with Louis.

“So then he took the route of being more involved in finding the right person and was all involved in the legal end and I was the one that kept secretly shopping in the baby aisles. I would pick up bottles and small toys and little tiny socks, just because.” Harry smiled.

Louis could picture Harry walking up and down the aisle admiring everything and tucking it away in a drawer after he bought it.

“Well just from what I’ve seem and heard you’re an amazing dad, she’s very lucky to have you.” Louis took a swig of his beer, there was a bit of bitterness in his voice he could hear and hoped Harry didn’t pick up on it. It was just hard to know other people could have good fathers, he doesn’t blame Harry for being a good one, just wished he had one he could have counted on.

“I try the best I can; single parenting is just not easy. I have a huge respect for everyone that was here before me. Lou, I almost feel like silly. But would you like to have dinner with me sometime? Like a proper date? I could even cook for you or we could do a movie night.” Harry voice seemed to go higher and he spoke quickly.

Louis smiled flipping his hair back and opened his blue eyes wide at him. Leaning over so their shoulders touched. “I would like that a lot Harry. But it will have to be in a few weeks.”

Harry furrowed his brow then realized why. “Oh the show of course!”

“Yep its what we call Hell Week this week, every night we rehearse the full show every night to work out the kinks then the will run now every Thursday Friday and Saturday night for four weeks.” Louis rubbed his face his eyes still felt puffy from crying earlier.

“I have your ticket for the last night. Remind me to drop it off to your house. Well I guess this weekend really did help you. I got a kiss and a date out of it.” Leaning over to nudge him.

Harry felt his face blush a bit. “Its time Louis and I well want to.”

“Good.” Leaning over he gently kissed Harry’s shoulder.

Harry blew out a breath he suddenly felt a rush of what he would describe as electricity flow, it hadn’t been there in a long time. Not entirely sure what to do with it he pushed off the railing taking his hand and running it down Louis spine slowly.

The air had changed to feel thick and hot, Louis shivered as his hand moved down his back. Dropping his head low he took in the touch.

Harry started running his hand back up to the back of his neck softly rubbing circles there.

“Oh you’re good. Has anyone told you this?” Louis was breathless.

His voice came out deep and dark. “Not in a very long time.”

Harry leaned down and caught Louis ear in his mouth sucking softly on the lobe. Louis turned into it allowing him to move past his ear to the back of neck.

Harry felt himself losing a bit of control. He wanted so badly to just let his mind turn off. But he knew he couldn’t, just not yet.

Pulling back he heard Louis whimper as he moved away.

“Im sorry. Wow I didn’t mean to, ok. Sorry.” Harry took a step back.

Louis caught his breath slowly. Smiled up at him turning to face him.

“Its ok love, really just let me do something first. Please.” Louis pressed himself up against Harry pulled his hand into his curls and attaching himself to his lips. They stood moving their mouths until they couldn’t breathe. Louis pulled back first.

“Ok that’s better.”

“For who?” Harry chuckled.

“For both of us, remember we are going to take it slow. Right?” Louis sauntered back to the railing leaning over.

Of course Louis is thinking if how he is feeling right now is any indication to future events he may never wipe the smile off his face.

Harry watched him walk back to the railing, he was very attracted to Louis but he did need to make sure he wasn’t just thinking sex right now. As wonderful as it would be probably not the best idea.

“I’m going to go to my room it’s late and we do need to get up early to head back.” Harry picked up the beer bottles and pushed back the curtain to the door. Louis followed behind him.

“Harry, you’re a really good guy.” Louis said to him at the door.

Looking down into his blue eyes he softened his face to realize that Louis knows too it’s the right thing to do too.

With his index finger under his chin he tipped his mouth to meet his. Pushing his lips solidly onto his, closing his eyes tight hoping to push his thanks onto him.

“Good night. I will be ready at eight? We can stop for coffee?” Harry said opening the door and stepping into the hallway.

“Fine with me, your treat this time.” Louis winked at him.

**

Their ride home was pretty uneventful Louis trying to find music to listen too on both their iPods while he was still bitching about the depressing mix on Harry’s.

Harry felt refreshed on their drive like they were driving into something new, both of them.

The closer they got to town they realized it only made sense for Louis to go with Harry to his mum’s to get Addie then drop him off he would just be backtracking otherwise.

“Well nothing like meeting the parents already.” Louis joked as they got out of the car.

“Oh they are harmless trust me if any thing she will hug you so be prepared.” Harry practically ran up the steps. He couldn’t wait to get his hands on his girl.

Knocking twice he opened the door to find his mum and step dad sitting in the living room with Addie sprawled on the floor on her back drinking the last of her morning bottle toys scattered all around her.

“Where’s my Addie! I see you!” Harry got down on his knees by her. She saw him and flung her bottle aside instantly putting her arms up to be held. Harry scooped her up peppering kisses to her cheek as she clung to his neck.

Louis stood by the door watching the scene unfold. It was a hallmark moment if he ever saw one.

“Mum Robin this is Louis, my friend from the group I gave him a ride.” Harry smiled at him then over to his mum.

“Well hello please come in, come in.” Anne jumped up and shook his hand, Robin set down his paper and followed suit.

“Nice to meet you both.” Walking over to Harry holding Addie. “Hi Addie, oh she’s grown since I saw her last.” Louis reached out tentatively and touched her back.

Addie looked at Louis with her big green eyes a little unsure she looked Harry then back at Louis. “Addie this is Louis remember we met him at the park?”

Louis smiled a big wide smile at her. She put her head on Harry’s shoulder but sneaked a little smile.

“Oh she’s getting into the shy stage.” Harry rubbed her curly head.

“Which shocks me cuz this one was always saying hi to everyone all the time.” Annie put her hand on Harry’s shoulder while looking at Louis.

“Mum,” Harry looked at her sideways.

“What! It’s true, couldn’t take him anywhere. But his curly hair got loads of attention all the time too.” Ruffling his hair as she said it.

Louis could see Harry turning shades of red. He couldn’t help but feel a pang in his chest at their closeness, it was a beautiful thing.

“I can imagine his hair and eyes got lots of attention.” Louis smirked at him.

Harry put Addie down on the blanket and grabbed her bottle. “Here butterfly finish your bottle and I will pack you up ok?”

Harry started grabbing bags and blankets and toys.

“Here let me help you. What all do you need?” Louis walked over past Addie on her blanket and picked up her giraffe. “Well I know little lady you will want this.” Shaking it at her gently.

Harry watched Louis grabbing things on the floor while chatting with Anne about what he does for work and how nice the retreat was. Harry knew he would have no problem chatting with them but he didn’t want him to feel weird about it either.

The last of everything was picked up and Louis took everything to the trunk of the car while Harry said good by and grabbed Addie.

Anne stood on the porch waving. “Louis it was very nice to meet you, hope to see you again!”

“Same to you Anne. ” Getting in the passenger side as Harry put Addie in her car seat.

Harry got in shut the door looking over at Louis. “Well that wasn’t too bad eh? I think you passed.” Waving one last time to his mum.

Louis blew out a breath. “Oh that was tough, right Addie? What do you think?”

Addie blew some bubbles out her mouth and yelled.

“Well ok then.” Louis made faces at her the whole way to his house. He had her smiling and laughing by the time they pulled up to his house. Leaning back touching her little foot. “Bye bye Addie see you soon.”

Harry popped the trunk and got out when Louis did. “Well we survived.” Harry stood with his hand on the open trunk while Louis grabbed his bag.

“We did. I’m going to hold you to that date invite ya know.” Taking a sliding step forward so he was slotted under Harrys outstretched arm.

His nose was close to Harrys bicep so he rubbed slowly along the exposed skin then kissed it gently.

Harry physically shuddered at the gesture. Wrapping both his arms around Louis shoulders pulling him into a tight hug, Louis sunk into his chest breathing in his smell.

“Lou, I promise we will.” Harry gently kissed his forehead then caught his lips softly.

“I need to get Addie home. But text me ok? And have a great week. Break a leg as they say right?” Harry pulled back slowly losing the warmth on his chest.

“Aww thanks Harry yes I will.” Walking backwards he waved into the car at Addie who waved her arms at him.

Harry walked to his car door. Mouthing bye he got in and started it.

Louis watched him drive away trying to tell his heart to slow down or he was going to be in trouble.


	8. Chapter 8

Harry knew the minute his feet hit the floor it was just going to be one of those days. He was tired and Addie was nursing a cold. The phone was ringing nonstop with orders, Liam needed him to help with a small party, and his mum had called to say his Nanny wasn’t feeling well and she was heading to visit her at the hospital but he didn’t need too yet.

The morning flew by with a hot kitchen and crabby baby. Nothing he did would pacify her, though finally after a small lunch she was rubbing her eyes, a true sign for nap time. Dosing her up with some baby medicine and flipping on the vaporizer, he hoped for a few hours of rest. Well for her anyway.

Liam and Niall had needed his help which threw more work into one day than normal. Niall had started working full time now with Liam, he’s thinking of making him a partner soon as much business he kept bringing with the local football teams he played on along with the teams of children he coached. His business is booming with all the football mums and their society galas and luncheons. Most likely due to Niall’s flirty ways. No one could resist that Irish accent accompanied with the blonde hair and bright blue eyes.

Liam is always happy to include Harry in on the fun to keep him busy.

The website had really been starting to pick up for him too, word was spreading that his cakes and cupcakes along with all the dinner menus had expanded. He was almost ready to hire help.

His phone buzzed on the counter though his hands were currently occupied past his wrists in bread dough. He scooted the phone over with his elbow to make the screen pop on. It was Louis, a warming sensation hit his stomach and he liked the feeling.

Since their weekend at the retreat he hadn’t seen him at all. The show consumed all his time. With Harry’s work schedule picking up, even on the days that Louis may have been available he was busy.

"Ok, this is probably forward of me. But I’m outside".

Harry laughed out loud. Looking down at his arms covered in flour and uncooked dough, he hadn’t showered so his hair was back in his typical headband when he cooked. He had just thrown on sweats and an old t-shirt since he was up several times with Addie and her stuffed up nose.

So of course Louis would decide to stop by today.

Harry couldn’t text back so he went to the front door and used his elbow to push down on the door handle kicking it with his right foot to open it wide.

Louis stood on the side walk with his one hand shoved into his pocket, his wispy long hair blew across his face and his eye cast down looking at his phone in his other hand.

“Oi!” Harry called.

Louis flipped his hair and head up to reveal he was wearing thick black glasses and a smile.

“Really? Today? You decide that today was the perfect day to surprise me with a visit?” Harry smiled at him with a very broad dimply smile.

Louis took a few steps forward squinting at Harry. “What in bloody hell is all over your hands?” Making his way up the steps pocketing his phone into his shorts.

“Making rolls!”

Harry loved Louis in glasses he looked even more attractive if that was possible.

“Here let me get the door then. I really hope you don’t mind I just was sitting at home. I needed to bring you the ticket for Saturday anyway. So here I am.”

Harry scooted off to the kitchen to wash his hands off. Calling back to him from the kitchen. “ Of course I don’t mind, just ignore the state of my house.”

Louis walked in admiring the beautiful home Harry had. The wood floors extended into the living room with beautiful long, colorful curtains hung over the tall windows, the tasteful wood antiques and beautiful paintings.

“Harry your home, it’s just so beautiful.” Louis was touching the mantel when he felt hands circling his waist as Harry pressed his chest to his back. His breath moved over his shoulder.

Harry slowly turned him around looking down into his eyes. “I probably smell, I haven’t showered but I did brush my teeth.” Smiling down at him he moved to press a lasting kiss to his lips. Louis ran his hands up both Harry’s arms to his shoulder lacing his hands behind his head.

Pulling away from his lips Harry moved his face into his shoulder encircling his waist again. “I’m glad you’ve come by, I missed you.” Closing his eyes he hugged him close.

Louis let out a breath into Harrys neck. “Me too. I was worried you might be mad if I just stopped over.”

Harry leaned back still holding him his face pressed into a question. “Louis you have to stop assuming I will be mad all the time over little things.”

“Yeah force of habit. Here come on let’s get you back into the kitchen. Where’s Addie?" Louis grabbed his hand pulling him.

“Wow look at this place. You are the master chef in here; yes you are making me dinner soon.” Walking around the counter touching everything he could get his hands on. Louis spun around clapping them together.

Harry couldn’t help but smile at him. “First,  Addie is sleeping she doesn’t feel well and second I will cook you anything your heart desires, that will be our first date then.”

Harry got the bowl of dough back out of the refrigerator, dusting the section of the island with flour and spreading it around. He then grabbed the rolling pin and started to spread out the dough. Working it out to large circle grabbing the cutter to form balls for the rolls.

Louis pulled up a stool on the other side and watched Harry, his hand tuck up under his chin eyeing his movements with an amazed look on his face. He watched his muscles flex with the all the movements. His hair was sticking up all over his head from the band, he never looked hotter.

“I normally don’t have an adult audience. Addie thinks I’m amazing at making cereal so I hope you like what I make.”

“Honestly Harry, you could make shit on a stick and I think I would love it.” Louis giggled and smiled.

Shaking his head Harry kept rolling out the dough, whipping around to adjust the temperature in the ovens.

“So tell me, has the show been doing well?” Harry pulled out chilled butter and a bottle of honey to make a whipped butter.

Louis couldn’t take his eyes off Harry; he was so skilled and quick with his hands.

“Yes actually the whole cast and crew is still talking about those cookies you made for us! Harry you’re a bit of celebrity now, they all want to meet the cookie guy. I can’t believe you made so many there was enough for everyone and then some.”

Harry felt his face flush. “I couldn’t let you have opening night without some sweets. I wanted to make sure you knew I was thinking about you, and the cast of course.”

Louis smiled at his hands. “It really did make for a wonderful opening night. I really can’t believe it’s almost over. Just this weekend then a break till the next show.”

“Well I for one can’t wait to see you in this. You have me wondering what you’re actually doing. I have Addie all set to stay over night at mums so I can just walk home after the cast party at your home. I could make some more cookies to bring over if you like?”

Louis eyes went wide. “Well if you do that I may be fighting Miranda off you. She already told me she’s in love with you and going to try and make you turn just for her. And all because of a snicker doodle.”

Harry cackled out and placed the back of his hand on his mouth.

Louis watched him laugh and smiled, it had really been four weeks since they spent anytime together but you wouldn’t know it, it was like he just dropped him off from the retreat.

Placing four trays of rolls into this double oven he flipped on the timer blowing out a breath. “You need a drink? Sorry I'm not being a very good host.” Grabbing out a water bottle for himself he stood with the door open so Louis could peer in.

“Oh Diet coke please and thank you. You don’t have to worry about me I’m the one that barged in on you.”

Placing the soda down with a glass of ice in front of him Harry leaned over wrapping his hand into the back of his hair crushing their lips together.

“Don’t apologize.”

Louis kept his eyes closed as Harry pulled away. He didn’t want to lose what he was feeling.

“Knock! Knock!” Liam followed by Niall came into the kitchen.

Louis watched the two men round the corner, both faces went from joyous to instant quizzical. Harry must not have mentioned him to his friends, which was fine it was all still very new.

“Hey mates, this is Louis, my friend from that group I told you I was going too.”

Louis stood to shake hands with the men. Both clean cut and good looking . One was very buff and looked almost military like. The other had a mop of blond hair and a big smile.

“Nice ta meet cha, I’m Niall. This here is Liam. Harry cookin for ya?” Smacking Harry on the back.

“Not yet but I’ve been watching him so now I can’t wait till he does.” Louis smiled what he hoped was just a normal smile that didn’t show his true attraction. He had a feeling these two men may worry about anyone that wanted to be with Harry. Friends are like that will want to protect him.

“Well boys the rolls are coming out in about 10 so let us get everything all packaged up and ready to go.”

Liam pulled out his menu and the three of them checked off items to go to the van.

“Can I help you boys load the van?” Louis got up from the stool.

“Thanks man that would be great.” Niall handed him a large tray to carry. Louis headed out to the van smiling at Harry who was holding the door.

“Just place it right on the shelf and it will lock into place on the rollers.” Harry called down to him.

Louis struggled a bit with the weight of the tray, but made it to the van in one piece then headed back in for more to add to it.

They had everything in the van in no time with the extra hands moving.

Liam and Niall shook his hand and exchanged that they hoped to see him again with winks to Harry that they didn’t think he saw.

“Well ok now you have met the folks and my two best mates. And we still haven’t had one date yet.”

Harry grabbed Louis' empty can and put it in the recycling, turning to the sink to rinse out his wash cloth to wipe off the counters.

Addie's screaming made them both jump; Louis watched Harry’s face change as he ran down the hall to her room.

Pushing open the door he found her standing with her arms outstretched crying hard. Harry reached in for her and felt the heat radiating off her face.

Louis stood at her door. He didn’t feel comfortable enough to go in.

“Oh Lou, she is just burning up. Feel her.” Harry was bouncing her softly rubbing her back she flopped her head deep into his shoulder.

Louis walked over in the dark room he could make out her flushed face barely touching her back he felt the heat.

“I should call the doctor right?” Harrys voice sounded panicked.

“How about this Harry, you have the thermometer? Lets take her temp and get her some fever reducer, I can draw her a bath, that will help cool her off and let’s get some liquid in her too. Cold water is best and no dairy it will just come right back up.” Softly rubbing her back as he softly spoke to Harry trying to soothe them both.

Harry didn’t question anything he said he took Addie with him to get her cup and filled it with cold water while Louis made his way down the hall to the bathroom to draw her warm bath.

Harry found the thermometer and took her temp; it was pretty high at 102.5. Kissing her little head he pushed back her chocolate brown curls.

Louis stepped into the room. “Harry I found the Tylenol and put it on the counter, her bath is ready too.”

Walking past him to the bathroom he placed a hand on his arm. “Thank you, I will be out shortly. Just make yourself at home.”

About a half an hour later Harry and Addie emerged out of the bathroom to find Louis tucked up on the couch watching some old back and white musical with Fred Astaire.

“Has she cooled off?” Louis unhinged his legs and made his way over to them.

“Yes she really is much cooler. I think the Tylenol kicked in too. Thank you. I tend to get a panicky when it comes to her. Sorry. How did you know all this?” Harry led the way into the kitchen to refill her water and grab a banana for her.

“Mum was a nurse, and I did take care of my sisters too that helped. Harry I bet she’s teething right now. Extra drool and fevers are very common so is a stuffy nose.” Louis rubbed her back with his hand.

“Here, would you mind holding her while cut her up some bananas and strawberries?.” Harry raised an eyebrow.

Louis instantly put his arms out. “If she will come to me. "Hi Addie, sweetie,  you feel better? Those little teeth trying to come in little lady.” Addie looked in his eyes as he took her into his arms. What happened next he didn’t expect, she laid her head down on his shoulder and tucked her arm in around her giraffe.

Harry smiled and nodded. “Ok you’ve passed every test with flying colors mate. I guess you’re in.”

Louis felt his heart warm as he held her placing his chin on her head rubbing her back softly. He walked back into the living room and sat down with her still on his chest, pulling up a blanket onto both of them.

Harry turned the corner into the living room to see Addie tucked up on Louis chest with her giraffe in her arms. He thinks he felt his heart burst open. At one point and time he would have broken down to think that it should be Mark that should be here to be in this moment. But he realized he is living for now. And it was Louis holding his baby and he was more than fine with that.

“Addie you want your bananas and strawberries?” Harry handed the plate to Louis. She stuck her small fingers out and pulled some off the plate, leaned up to eat then laid her head back down. Louis was patient he held plate while she took her time eating slowly.

Filling up her water one last time Harry handed it back to her still propped up on Louis.

“You want me to take her back?” Harry reached out.

“No I think we are good, sit or lay down even, get off your feet.” Louis motioned for him to rest.

The sun was setting as the TV played music while Harry dozed off and Louis scooted down on the couch and pulled Addie up a bit. She had fallen back to sleep, Louis eyes were also heavy . He took a look at Harry who had completely fallen asleep with his mouth wide open snoring. He was happy that he could feel so comfortable to do so. He was glad he talked himself into coming over.

Laying his head back he closed his eyes with his arm wrapped firmly around Addie.

**

Harry woke with a start rubbing his eyes to find himself in an awkward position on the couch with his head back  and one leg on the coffee table and one on the floor.

The couch was empty and he could hear Louis talking and Addie laughing.   Well that’s a big difference from earlier.

Stretching he walked quietly down the hall and reached the door.  Peering in he could see Louis had her on the changing table changing her diaper. He was singing something like “Shimmy shimmy". Addie was watching him with her big green eyes waiving her giraffe up every time he said it. The smile on her face told a story of a much happier baby.

Clearing his throat he stepped in. Louis looked over his shoulder smiling at him.

“Shimmy shimmy Dada Shimmy shimmy” Addie laughed even louder when she saw Harry. Louis was shaking his hair and shoulders at him.

Harry covered his mouth with the cackle that nearly came out. He looked so ridiculous and adorable at the same time.

“Well I see someone is feeling much better.” Harry walked over placing his hand on Addie’s forehead. “So much better.”

“Her fever broke all over me.” Louis touched his shirt. Harry followed suit - it was soaked.

“She woke up just soaked so we changed and I’m teaching her to be a chorus girl.” Louis shook his shoulders again.

Harry leaned down and kissed her forehead. Looking back up at Louis “Let me get you one of my T- shirts.”

Louis stood Addie up to face him. “I’m so glad your better little lady, can I see your mouth? You got some teeth coming in?” Addie leaned forward and open mouth kissed his nose. “Luuuu Luuu”

Louis leaned back. “Did you just say my name?”

“I think she sure is trying.” Harry entered with a shirt.

Taking Addie off the table he reached out for Louis' wet shirt,  watching him put on the dry one. He was quite small built with a bit of chest hair and soft belly but was still toned.

Louis knew Harry was watching but didn’t want to make a big deal out of it so he smiled.

“Let me wash it for you, least I can do since you took such good care of my butterfly.” Whisking her down the hall to the kitchen he spun around to face Louis. “Its only seven o clock I have a feeling Addie is going to stay up awhile. Would you like to order in and we can watch a film?” Raising an eyebrow at him.

“That sounds wonderful I’m quite hungry now. Sushi?” Louis saw the take away menu on the fridge.

“Yes that place is amazing I just had them the other night when my friend Zayn stopped over.” Harry placed Addie in her high chair putting a few toys on the tray while he walked to cabinet to get her own dinner.

“Zayn? Not Zayn Malik is it?” Louis set down the menu placing his hands on the counter.

Harry turned to look at him from pouring soup into a pot to warm it up. “Well yes it is. We went to Uni together for about a year. Great guy, he helped me paint when I first moved in.”

“Well isn’t that the shit, Zayn works for us as a free lance artist on the sets and he has been over to my home several times too.” Louis shook his head. “Small world my goodness.”

“Let’s order, my tummy is grummbly.” Louis said in a fake voice.

Harry pulled his phone out smiling at him. Louis walked over bumped his hip pushing him away from the stove and soup. “I got this.” He whispered making faces at Addie.

Pouring her soup into a bowl Harry set out he pulled up a chair to her high chair blowing on it and telling her to do the same.

Harry hung up. “Ugh they said about forty minutes. You do have this, well I’m going to shower then I feel nasty.”

“Yes please do! Addie tell your daddy he smells and needs to shower. Peeee yuuuuu.” Holding his nose at her.

Addie banged her high chair. “Da da da da”

“See she agrees with me.” Louis spooned in the chicken and veggies into her mouth.

“Well I see I am outnumbered! Here, the money is on the counter for the food” Harry dropped money down.

“Thanks babes now go on.” Louis smiled to say he was good.

Harry walked down the hall to his room and shut the door. Sighing and leaning against it, he was tired, not just physically tired but drained. So much had happened today he wasn’t even sure how to process it all.

Stripping off everything he stepped into the hot water letting is seep deep into his brain.

It was all so comfortable; he wasn’t quite sure why he wasn’t just embracing it. Louis wanted to take care of Addie and didn’t even hesitate to her hold her. Shaking his hair out he grabbed the shampoo and washed.

"Ok that’s enough Styles you have no reason to doubt it or make it complicated" he told himself. He toweled off and put on fresh sweats and t-shirt he figured why not just be comfortable.

Addie was crawling down the hall when he emerged and made a left into her room. Louis was down on all fours following her. “We are playing chase, Addies leading the way.”

“Oh and the food is on the counter I paid. You can keep your money sucka. Hey Addie lets get you some books and we will have a book party in the living room.” Louis was sitting on his knees Addie had pulled up and was standing next to him looking at the book shelf.

Louis came back sporting a stack of books in one arm, Addie in the other with her blanket from off the rocker.

Harry spread out dinner on the table and filling up their cups. Sitting cross legged on the floor next to Addie and all her books, Harry and Louis stuffed their faces with sushi and every now and then read bits of the book and pointed out pictures.

Addie was rubbing her eyes within an hour. The day was wearing on her too.

“I think its getting to be someone’s bed time. Ya?” Harry leaned down and kissed her cool forehead. “She is still cool. That’s good maybe I can get some sleep tonight too.”

Scooping her up grabbing her giraffe and sippy cup he bent her down by Louis so he could kiss her head.

Harry didn’t have to fight her at all, turning on her vaporizer just in case and he gave her a dose of Tylenol and kissed her forehead pulling up the covers.

Louis had picked up all the books and folded the blanket. Harry grabbed their dishes off the table setting them in the sink.

“Would you like to watch a film?” Harry stood by his collection of DVD’s.

“Let’s see what you have here.” Winding his arms around Harry’s waist looking at the collection. “How about a romantic comedy? I love Sandra Bullock lets watch her and Ryan "Beefcake" Reynolds.” Wagging his eyebrows up and down at Harry.

“You’re so cute, do you know that?” Harry smacked his cheek lightly.

Settling down on the couch Harry turned off the lamp and pulled up the blanket over them. Winding his arm around Louis he pulled him over to him.

“Thank you again for today, I think you have scored a little girls heart today.” Harry stroked his cheek. Staring into his eyes he wanted to live in the blueness.

“You really don’t even have to thank me, she’s the sweetest little thing. I want her to get used to me.” Louis looked a little unsure of the last sentence.

“I want her to know you too.” Harry pulled Louis close he set his head down as the movie started.

Both of them started dosing off half way through. Harry dipped his head down and back up it woke him.

Louis sat up and stretched. “I think I’m going to head home, I put your ticket on the fridge with a magnet. Now don’t lose it cookie man.”

Punching him in the shoulder as they stood up.

Harry walked him to the door. Louis took his hand. “I’m sorry for the way we had to meet all the reasons behind it. But I’m glad you walked into my life Harry Styles.”

Harry felt his chest tighten a bit. He pulled his brow together. Then he smiled down at him. “Life has a crazy way of doing things right? I think about it often. I’m just glad you let me in.”

Louis stood up on his toes and caught Harry's lips in a quick motion. His hand sliding up his back to warm skin. Harry felt his breath catch as Louis pressed his hips forward. “You smell so much better.” He said into Harrys mouth.

Groaning down into Louis he pushed him back slightly rougher than he intended into the door. Louis opened his mouth as Harry kissed down his neck.

Harry pulled up and looked at Louis, cupping his hands on his face.  He slowly moved them down his body sweeping his tongue into his mouth.

“Oh I should go. I really should. Trust me I’m going to walk funny home But we'd better. Oh that’s good. I better.” Louis was speaking quietly.

Harry pulled himself back. “Yes your right, ok. I will see you Saturday. I can’t wait.” Panting a bit.

Opening the door he hugged him tight letting him go he watched him walk down the steps to the sidewalk.

“Gives kisses to Addie when she wakes up please. Bye. ” Louis walked away.

Harry shut the door leaning his head on the cold door.Smiling to himself he locked the door, switched off lights and tucked himself up under the covers.


	9. Chapter 9

Harry decided Saturday mornings are his favorite days. He purposely left it free to just be with Addie to take walks, maybe head down to the local library for morning stories, or go antique shopping. 

Today they decided to take a walk in the warm breeze and play at the park. He decided not to take her over to his mums till late in the afternoon since the show wasn’t going to start till eight that evening.

Pulling her out of her stroller he let her down on the grass to crawl and try to pull up on his legs while he got out her blanket.

A few mums sat on benches watching him in the distance. He often got stares from a few of them, he didn’t quite understand why though. If they would just introduce themselves they would see he’s just a dad trying to do the best he can with his daughter.

Grabbing her cup and small bowl of toasted O’s he sat down to watch her pull grass and inspect it. Looking up into the sky and pointing at birds, crawling and pulling up on him smacking his head and pulling his hair turned into a game.

Harry was content to stay there all day he put her in the swing before they left to watch her face light up at the movement waving her hands and legs with every push.

“Luuuuuu luuuuuu luee lueee” She sang out. Harry smilled at her.

“You miss him Addie? Louis yes? I do too I get to see him tonight. Maybe we can have him over for dinner next week.” Addie clapped her hands as if to say yes and she understands.

She didn’t have that many people in her life right now. Just him, his mum and dad along with Auntie Gemma. Mark’s parents had passed away when he was young in a car accident so she didn’t have many other people to see. His mates always made over her when they stopped by. Maybe a new person is her life was needed also. She took to him so quickly but he was crawling around on the floor with her right away that may have helped.

Watching her eyes grow heavy he knew it was time to head home for nap he didn’t want to take a crabby baby to his mums.

The afternoon passed quickly while Addie napped Harry cleaned his house, chose what he would wear to the show and baked four batches of cookies for the cast party. He had a thought he would stop and get him flowers too for the last night.

His mum was full of questions when he got there to drop Addie off.

“So Harry when will we be seeing this Louis again? Will we see him? “ Eyeing her son.

Barely able to contain his smile. “I hope soon. Can I date him first please before you try too?”

“Harry! I would never try to do that.” Anne smacked him on the arm.

“You know bloody well that if I bring him round you will want to take him off and show him all my baby pictures and have tea and snicker together because Louis would eat that up.”

“So you do want to date him, good he’s adorable.” Pinching Harry’s dimple. Looking serious all of a sudden she pulled him into a fierce hug.

“That smile on your face makes me so happy love. I was afraid we may not see it again.” Anne pulled back touching his cheek, tears pooling in her eyes.

“Mum come on don’t get all upset. Its fine, ‘M good better than I have been in a really long time.” Harry hugged her tightly.

Wiping her eyes she smacked his cheek. “Ok now you go have fun!”

Kissing Addie he left to run by the flower shop on the way to the theatre, he hoped he could find a bouquet of spring flowers.

Walking around the aisles of flowers he stumbled upon a very unique bunch of lilies that were bright orange with specs of yellow on the inside in the shape of stars. They were perfect; he added a note and paid.

Harry never really minded going places alone. He had several interests his mates or family didn’t so from very young on he went to movies, art shows, theatre productions alone. He would let the lights turn down and just sink into the performance not worrying he wasn’t sharing it with anyone else.

Pulling up to the theatre he noticed the big sign saying final show for Cabaret tonight. He parked along the rows of cars he took a breath getting out with the flowers tucked up under his arm. Scanning the entrance he noticed to the left a door hidden a bit behind the bushes it read Stage Door, just what he needed.

Walking around a few couples standing outside smoking he made his way down the path that lead to the door. He figured knocking may do the trick. He just hoped Louis wasn’t the one to open the door.

After about four quick knocks a gray haired head appeared from behind the door, it was an older man wearing a headset and holding a black clipboard. “Well hello, can I help you?”

Harry held out he flowers gently. “Hello there, big favor my friend is in the show Louis Tomlinson would you please give him these for me?” Smiling as he handed the flowers over.

“You bet I will. Enjoy the show.” With that the door shut with a bang.

Harry felt better knowing that was done. He headed inside. At the door a woman was handing out programs and thanking people for coming. She was dressed in a long black dress with silver sparkles shining with her every movement.

The theatre had been around for about fifty years with several renovations along the way the ceilings were high filled with columns and beams holding long chains of lights. Floor to ceiling windows revealed the city off in the distance. Voices echoed around the room against the shiny stone floor. In the center of the room on display were wooden boxes held by long ropes that reached high into the depths of the ceiling, each box held pictures of the many productions. In front of each box were small parts of the set pieces. 

Large crushed velvet chairs and duvets were scattered around the vast opening.

Harry noticed a wine bar in the corner and headed over to find refreshments while he waited.

Grabbing a merlot he strolled casually looking at the pictures from earlier productions. Louis was in several, each made him smile. He was in various states of dress from very formal black tie in Hello Dolly to Shakespearian robe in Much Ado About Nothing and even dressed as nun in Nunsense.

Noticing the time he figured he better go find his seat. Turning in his ticket he found the theatre was set up in what they call Theatre in the round where the audience is very close to the stage, surrounding it. The seat Louis had gotten him was on the aisle in the center stage balcony he could see everything perfectly.

While the lights were still up he decided he better find out what it was about. Louis refused to let him know. The synopsis read Cabaret singer Sally Bowles performs at the decadent Kit Kat Klub as the Nazi Party quietly takes hold of 1939’s Berlin.

Skimming through the program he came to the cast Louis was playing The Master of Ceremonies or Emcee.

Underneath his picture was a short paragraph mentioning the shows he had been in over the years. Something struck Harry has he read the very last line “I want to thank someone that has been there for me over the past few months. Without him to bring the smile back to my voice this show for certain would have been doomed. Thank you Cookie Guy.”

Harry put his hand over his mouth before the cackle escaped to loudly. He felt his body warm and have goose bumps at the same time. With that the lights flickered meaning the show would starts soon. He could barely contain the smile on his face.

**

Louis sat in the dressing area squatting on his chair with his legged tucked under leaning forward looking in the big set of mirrors applying the eyeliner in a thick black line. When he did this his blue eyes popped even more than usual.

The white on his face was spread even enough he could get this eye liner on with out smudging it.

His hair was plastered down on this cheek as he liked it. Shiny and slick.

Miranda was doing her usual pacing preshow warm up singing behind him, he needed to do the same, and he would join her in a minute when it got a bit closer to time.

The breeze she was creating behind him felt good on his bare back. He normally wasn’t feeling hot, but tonight knowing that Harry was out in the audience made him actually feel a bit nervous.

He wondered if he had noticed what he said about him in the program. It was a last minute decision to have them add that, he really meant it though. Having Harry in his life made him realize how it’s changed, him for the better.

As he applied the thick line to the other eye he noticed Stan in the mirror coming towards him with what he thought was flowers?

“Louis you had an admirer at the stage door, told me to give these to you.” Stan set them down smiling.

Miranda swooped down on them instantly. “Babes! Who they from?” Reaching out to grab them.

Louis smacked her hand. “MINE!”

“Bitch ok then!” Smiling at him in the mirror. “I will go get a vase and some water.”

Louis noticed the card. Break a Leg! From your cookie guy!

“Miranda! They are from Harry! I just can’t for you to meet him tonight. Oh and he is bringing cookies. But watch your alcohol intake I don’t need you trying to snog him cuz he’s mine.” Peering over his shoulder at her blinking his eyes full of mascara.

“You’re so pretty when you put on the make-up. I have a hard time controlling myself.” Miranda sat down next to him to put on her wig to cover the shocking purple hair she had just dyed.

“Ok enough craziness we have a big show!”

**

Harry watched the lights dim. He adjusted in his seat leaning forward just a bit. The big red curtain was in place the stage dark. Above the curtain one letter at a time blinked and revealed a letter. Kit Kat Klub appeared, the music started to sway a slow jazzy tune.

A single spot light popped on the stage to show a white hand poking through. Slowly the curtain moved over a few inches a leg covered in black leather pants stuck through Louis poked his head out full white face and dark red lips with outlined back eyes he was wearing a long black coat.

Harry felt his insides jump at the sight of him. He started the song in German. He watched in awe of his movements and voice. His hair was down on his face in curls on this cheeks it was quite becoming.

Louis took off this coat and tossed it while dancing seductively with the chorus women on the stage revealing his almost bare chest with just straps covering small bits.

Harry had to adjust the way he was sitting while he sunk into the story.

**

Time passed so quickly before he knew it, it was intermission.

Harry stood clapping furiously. It was so good, Louis was phenomenal his voice his moves along with the story.

Taking a quick break in the loo and grabbing a drink he mingled around with other folks in the audience. The lights were blinking again meaning act two was almost up.

The second half took a dark turn the songs Louis sang showed his range of emotion Harry found himself unable to take his eyes off him.

When they came out to take their final bows Harry was on his feet along with the rest of the crowd cheering. He could see Louis was searching the crowd after they bowed he clapped the loudest for him. They locked eyes and Harry couldn’t help it but whistle for him. Louis laughed nodding his head.

The curtain closed and Harry went out with the rest of the crowd, he saw a side door another man with a headset had gone through next to the bar he figured Louis would come out that door eventually.

With in a few minutes he popped his head out the door. Harry had his back to the door when he came out. “Hey.” He held the door open to him. “Come on back I’m going to be a few I have to get this make up off.”

Harry walked through the door but once on the other side he pulled him into a hug. “Lou, you were amazing. Just amazing.”

Hugging him back Louis sank into his smell and warmth. “Thanks Harry I’m so glad you came.”

“I’d kiss you but I’m wearing red…”Harry pressed his lips on him pushing open his mouth slightly with his tongue just enough to touch the tip of his. He pulled back smiling.

“Well ok then.” Louis grabbed his hand and led him down the hallway backstage.

Harry saw the woman that played Sally pulling off her wig revealing shocking purple hair. He wasn’t expecting that.

“Miranda babe, I want you to meet Harry also known as our cookie guy!” Louis let go of his hand to grab the wipes to get his make up off.

Miranda jumped up out of her chair throwing her arms around Harry. Surprised by the quick movement he fumbled to awkwardly put his arms half way around her. “Harry! Baby so happy to meet you Louis has been talking nonstop about you. You must show me pictures of your baby! Oh my god those cookies were so good, you coming to the party? Did you bring more I hope?” She bounced back to her chair to brush out her hair.

Louis rolled his eyes in the mirror at Miranda and smiled.

Harry wasn’t exactly sure which question to answer first so he started with a compliment to her. “Hi Miranda first you were fantastic as Sally. Let’s see I have pictures on my phone I can show you. Yes I am and yes I did.”

“Just a few more minutes Harry and we can leave. I need a drink! We have loads of refreshments and snackies at my house. We all need to let loose. Shimmy shimmy. Right Harry?”

Miranda raised an eyebrow at Louis. “I was teaching Addie to shimmy shimmy the other day. I’m training her for a chorus line.”

Miranda laughed out. “Sweet thing you’re going to let him corrupt your little sweet baby. Good luck.” Sticking her thumb out in Louis direction.

“Well maybe I want to be a chorus girl too Louis, did you ever think you might want to teach me the shimmy shimmy.” Harry attempted to shake his shoulders failing miserably.

Louis eyes popped wide he looked over at Miranda and let out a laugh. Miranda picked up her bag. “Oh Louis he’s a keeper. See you soon Harry.” She left out the side door grabbing some bags along the way.

Harry stood there trying to shake his shoulders while looking in the mirror.

“Oh my god stop Hazza. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Louis got up to pinch his cheek. “Come on lets get out of here, there is drinking to be done.”

Lacing his fingers through Harry’s they walked out to their cars.

**

Harry followed Louis home pulling into his driveway jumping out he left the door open. “Lou, this ok to leave my car here? I figure I can just stumble home and get it later.”

“Of course that’s fine hon. I’m going to run in and start turning lights on and lighting candles people will be here soon. You got the cookies, or you want help?” Louis walked up his step stopping and turning.

“No you go I will be fine.” Popping the trunk grabbing two of the trays.

Louis left the door open for him he stepped in taking in the room he was in. There was something to look at in every direction. Paintings and sculptures with a large ornate rug on the floor. Off to the left he could see the kitchen so he headed over to the large table shoved in the corner and set down the two trays.

Peering through the kitchen window he could see Louis out back lighting tiki torches and he flipped on lights that were wrapped around the tree.

Harry went back out to his trunk and met a few men coming up the steps.

Sticking out his hand he recognized the one man who played the lead Cliff.

“Hi! I’m Harry, Louis is out back. I need to grab the rest of the cookies I brought.”

“Hey Harry! Oh you’re the cookie guy so glad you could make it. You enjoy the show?”

“Yes you were fantastic, everyone was very powerful show. I loved every minute.” Harry bounded down the steps watching more cars show up.

He was full of energy and happy to be out. Addie was fine with mum he had sent her a text during the intermission she had fallen asleep early.

Shutting the trunk he heard Miranda talking a mile a minute to her another cast member. “And here we have Harry! Harry this is Lacey she was in the chorus. Show her your shimmy shimmy Harry!”

Since his hands were full he couldn’t shake her hand so he nodded. “Hi Lacey, well Miranda I think I will save those shimmies for after a few drinks they might improve then.”

Miranda grabbed one tray from Harry. “Well come on then love lets get you those drinks.”

Harry knew he was going to enjoy this evening.

Louis was bartender at one point making everyone something called the twister. Harry wasn’t quite sure what was in it, but it was good. He really thinks he may have made it up actually but he wasn’t complaining. His head was light and he was happily sitting in the back yard under the stars and flickering tiki torches.

These people had nose rings, tattoos, purple and blue hair,but where the most down to earth and nice folks he had ever met and they all loved Louis. Everyone shook his hand and asked about Addie and what he did. They talked about art shows, even possible choices for the next show, Miranda shared recipes and many laughs with him. He may have a few new booking too he gave out his number to quite a few people.

It was somewhere around 2am when someone started a sing along to Grease.

Louis came bounding down the steps dancing around with Miranda reenacting a dance when they played Danny and Sandy.

Harry sat with his knee up to his chin sipping on the latest concoction watching.

About 4am they said goodbye to the last few guests Harry was helping Louis pick up the left over cups and plates from the back yard. It was starting to mist and he didn’t want a bigger mess.

Harry had a large trash bag in his hand dropping in everything he could find. Walking back up the steps he swayed just a bit once he stepped in the back door and shut and locked it.

“What did you put in those drinks?” Harry asked.

“Bloody hell if I know. I always seem to have friends give me bottles of whiskey. Do they think I’m an alcoholic?” Louis words slurred just a bit. 

Leaning up against the counter Harry looked around at the mess. “Ah leave it I will get it in the morning.” Louis walked over to him.

Harry pulled him closer. “This was the best night Lou.”

“Yes it was Harry, I had a wonderful time.” Louis placed his index finger on Harrys chest tracing it from the center of his chest slowly down to his belly button. “Your not leaving yet are you?”

His voice barely above a whisper. “No. I don’t want to leave yet.” Leaning over placing his lips on Louis neck softly sucking at the skin.

Louis trailed his palms up his chest to shoulders and around his neck up into soft curls.

“Harry thanks for the flowers and coming to the show.” Louis said breathlessly into his hair.

Harry wound his arms around his waist pulling him flush to his body. Every muscle was aware of his presence. He felt his breath on his neck as he kissed down his shoulder. Licking a path back up to catch the soft lobe of his ear sticking his tongue inside.

Trailing soft kisses across his cheek he caught his lips pushing his tongue past open lips.

Harry hands wound into Louis hair holding his neck gently pulling him closer if that was possible.

Louis pulled back to breathe. “I want to you stay. But I don’t want to rush you. We could just sleep.” Smiling up at him.

Harry looked into his eyes, a smile parted his lips. “Is that all you want?”

“Not really.” Louis caught his lips sucking his bottom lip in.

Harry felt his knees give out, pushing himself onto Louis thigh. A small squeak escaped his mouth.

“Then why are we still standing here?

A moan escaped Louis mouth as he pulled Harry down the hall way to his bedroom.

The bedroom was dark they were bumping into each other pulling on shirts, undoing belt buckles, kicking off socks, pulling at each others pants.

Harry stopped for a moment when Louis reached to pull down his boxers. Harry caught his hands pulled them up to his chest kissing his fingers looking down into his eyes. Running his hands down his arms stroking up his chest to cup his face. The candle in Louis room was casting shadows on them. Harry stared into his blue eyes.

“I never do anything casually, you mean a lot to me Louis.” Gently backing him up to the bed and pushing Louis to lay back Harry crawled up on top of him catching skin on his neck and chest into a kiss before sinking down into his mouth.

Louis looked up at this beautiful man before him he wanted to feel every inch of his warm skin. Rubbing his hands down his back and cupping his ass made moans escape into his mouth as their tongues wound around each other.

“I want to make you feel good; it’s been too long since that has happened. Lay back.” Louis gently pushed Harry off him to his back on the bed. Softly sucking on his neck he made his way to his chest pulling his nipples into his mouth. Harry had his hands wound into his hair.

He could feel the muscles of his tight stomach contract as he kissed a trail. Looking up at him, the sinful look on his face was almost too much for Louis to take in as he moved to pull off his boxers revealing his hard cock pressing up onto his stomach.

Stroking him gently Harry was bucking up into his hand. Pressing a hand to his hip he took him in his mouth in one long swallow.

Harry felt the warm mouth around him it had been so long closing his eyes he felt him start to move. His hands felt Louis hair and he gently pushed his head down it was overwhelming and fantastic.

Louis knew it wasn’t going to be long as Harry was panting and calling out he felt him grow harder and harder the warm liquid hit the back of his throat as he sucked several long smooth strokes.

Harry was shuddering at the touch of his mouth. It was good, so good.

“C’mere.” Harry pulled him up to his mouth capturing it sucking in the taste.

Louis pulled back look at the smile on his face. He was content to know he made him feel good.

Harry opened his eyes and looked at him with lust still there. Stroking his side he wound his hand to palm at his boxers. “Let’s get these off.”

Pushing up he laid Louis back on the bed sitting up on his knees he pulled down to reveal he was rock hard.

Grabbing him in his hand he was stroking him and leaned down to kiss his chest trailing up to his ready mouth.

“Mhfh Harry so good.” Louis rubbing his shoulders and chest.

Sucking his way back down to his cock he took Louis down deep inside his mouth pressing his thigh apart with his shoulders.

Popping up off his dick in one long stroke. “Lou, you have any lube?”

Louis looked at him he chest swelling he was hoping Harry would want too but wasn’t going to push it.

Practically jumping over to the side drawer he found a bottle and pulled out a condom and handed it to Harry smiling.

Taking Louis back in his mouth he slicked up his fingers pressing gently down at his hole inserting one finger.

He could feel Louis tense but relax quickly. Keeping an eye on his face he saw his mouth was open and eye pop with a pleasured look.

Harry smiled and inserted another finger. He was hard already.

Moving back up to catch his mouth while he worked his fingers into him.

“Feels so good Harry.” Splaying his hands down his back they kissed deep and wet.

Grabbing for the condom Harry put it on grabbing the bottle to slick himself up.

He hovered over Louis for a moment just looking into his eyes.

Louis reached up behind Harry’s head and pulled him down into a kiss as Harry pressed himself inside. They moved slowly at first gently inserting till he was almost all the way in. 

Harry began to move he placed his arms around Louis head kissing him as he thrusted into him. They both felt it; their lives had met, joined. Heat rose between them as Louis held on and Harry was kissing his cheek and neck and mouth.

Moans escaped them both Harry pushed forward; he leaned up grabbing Louis in his hand and stroked him as he got closer. Wanting to come at the same time he hitched feeling the sensation move down his stomach pushing deeper he stroked harder. Louis cried out spilling over his stomach as Harry came.

Sweat ran down his back has he panted next to Louis ear trying to gain his breath. His hands feeling for Louis cheek he faced him flush and happy.

“So how about that date then?” Laughing into his ear.

Louis shifted slightly running his finger down his cheek to his mouth. “Baby I think we just had dessert first.”

He discarded the condom sitting up. Louis sat up breathing hard pressing his chest to his back winding his arms around him.

“How about we get some sleep? Look the sun is coming up.” Resting his chin on Harrys shoulder.

“I think that’s a great idea.” Harry went to the bathroom grabbing a wash cloth for Louis.

He laid down on his back feeling his body relax and sink into the bed. Pulling the covers up next to him Louis tucked himself under his arm with his head on Harrys chest and rested a leg over him. “Is this ok?”

“Louis, it’s more than ok.” Wrapping his arms around him and closing his eyes feeling his heartbeat and steady breathing and their naked bodies pressed together. Harry felt himself falling asleep with a smile on his face.

**

His phone was buzzing with a text at what he thinks said 9am. His mum.

Hey love I was thinking of taking Addie to visit Gemma today and have tea with her and Liam. That ok? I can bring her home tonight or tomorrow morning.

Harry ran a hand over his bleary eyes; Louis was lying on his chest. He typed out she could keep her till Monday with a few smiley faces.

Hope you had a nice night, and now a good Sunday love you see you in the morning. Love xx

Harry set the phone down and looked his Louis sound asleep his mouth open slightly his eyelashes were sinfully long and lush resting on his cheeks.

Kissing his forehead gently he wrapped his arm over his back closing his eyes.

Several hours and changed positions later when Louis split his eyes open from the sun shining on his face he was lying on his left side now with a big hand wrapped over his forearm feeling Harrys weight on his back and breath on his shoulder.

Clearing his throat and stretching slightly he noticed it was noon on his clock.

Harry stirred pulling him close their bodies warm from being under covers. Sighing into Louis shoulder he kissed it gently. Louis looked back at him.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Smiling sleepily back Harry ran his hand down his side and back up. “Sleep well?”

“Better than I have in a while. You?” Louis grabbed his hand lacing their fingers.

“Oh yes, I’m great. Mum sent a text she is going to keep Addie till tomorrow. Want to spend the day together?” Harry searched his eyes.

His response was to turn on his back and kiss Harry deeply pulling him back to his chest running his hands down his sides.

About a half out later of panting and grasping at each other after Louis smiled at Harry. “I’m starving! You need to cook for me.”

“Oh I see how it is! Just use me for my amazing cooking skills.” Harry kissed his mouth.

“Ha! You have skills alright.” Louis kissed him back.

Slowly they got up to get dressed and made their way to the kitchen. Louis groaned he forgot the mess he had in there.

“I can help you it won’t take long and scrounge around for something to make.” Harry swatted him on the ass.

Yelping Louis scooted away and grabbed the trash can to throw away cups and plates.

Harry wound his way around the kitchen opening cabinet while Louis yelled hot and cold to him if he was close to finding food.

He eventually settled with pasta and a salad.

While the pasta water bubbled they lazily leaned up against the counter lost in each other mouths till the timer went off.

Lunch was nice sitting on the couch, Louis flipped on the TV while they ate.

However once they were done their stomach was settled the TV was soon forgotten along with their clothes.

The afternoon fell into evening Louis suggested they watch a film. Harry was so comfortable on the couch in his arms they stayed like that for a few hours.

“I can’t even tell you the last time I had a day like this.” Louis was running his hand slowly through Harrys hair. He was lying on his belly on top of him; his head was down facing the TV. His arms wound around his waist up to his shoulders.

“Me either, usually have a baby crawling on top of me all day.” Harry said into Louis side.

“I will take a day like this, any day. Come to bed with me. Stay over again.”

Harry raised his head. “I would love too.” Popping up he grabbed his hand leading him down the hallway.

Once inside the room Harry pulled him tight. Losing himself again in his blue eye and soft lips for the second night in a row.


	10. Chapter 10

Louis alarm went off at 6am; this was the earliest he had been up since college he thinks. Rolling to throw his legs over the side he wipes the hair out of eyes.

Butterflies started flying around in his stomach as he gets up to shower, its not so much that he’s unsure of watching Addie just what if something goes wrong Harry would never forgive him. He was the most trusting person he had met in a long time. Addie was his world; Louis was falling in love with his baby and very possibly her father.

Shaking his head he decided that was last thing he was going to think about right now. His day will consist of diapers and fun and that was that.

Stepping out of the shower he can hear his text going off he sets out grab it.

Morning Sunshine! There is a little girl who can’t wait to spend the day with LuLu. ;)

Can’t wait to spend the day with her too!!! Xx See you shortly!

Louis smiles at his phone Addie has really started talking up a storm and LuLu has become his name. He likes it. She points to everything and says what over and over. They will go out to dinner or for a walk or even a ride to the store they both spend equal amount of time just telling her what everything is.

Since Harry spent the night after his show everything had changed. He couldn’t go any time without going over for dinner or catching a movie. They had been taking Addie on long walks in many different parks around town. Both just sinking into each other and enjoying the company.

Louis hadn’t really realized how lonely he was before meeting Harry, sure he had his friends. But there was something that gave him a feeling of home with Harry; he now wondered when he had been surviving.

But most of these deep thoughts ran around his head and not out of his mouth. He didn’t want to scare him off everything was just too good.

Checking the time he realized he better get going Harry had to meet Liam by 7:30 to get on the road for their two hour long drive to the venue they had to set up for.

Grabbing his sunglasses and keys he practically ran out the door.

The walk to Harry’s house took the time he needed to calm his stomach.

Knocking on the door he was greeted by a smiling Harry and crawling Addie.

She pulled herself up on Harry’s leg stretching out an arm to him.

Louis breath caught in his throat leaning over he pulled her up to him quickly.

“Lulu! Lulu!” Grabbing at his glasses pulling them right off his face.

“See I told you. She’s been asking for you since she opened her eyes.” Harry kissed his cheek as Louis walked by holding Addie.

“Aww is that right little lady you wanted your lulu. What are we going to do today?” Spinning her around she cackled like her father.

“I think we should play and play and play, how’s that?” Louis kissed her cheek walking over to her playpen.

He set Addie down turning to face Harry. “Hey come here, and give me a proper hello.”

Harry was more than happy to oblige. Wrapping his arms around his waist pulling him close they caught each others lips in a deep wet hello kiss.

Louis extracted his mouth back feeling flush. “Well hello to you too. That was nice.”

“Missed you a bit.” Harry ran his thumb over Louis lower lip.

Louis felt his body shudder at the touch. “I saw you last night.” Smirking up at him he stepped back to Addie.

“I know, well I guess I better get going. Here let me show you a few things.” Pulling him into the kitchen by the hand.

“I made her lunch you just need to warm it up. Breakfast you can give her some cereal and a banana. The stroller well you know where that is if you want to take a walk. Her juice and milk are full. If you can get a nap in that would be lovely. If not I’m not worried. But knowing you two she will get so tired from playing she will fall asleep.” Harry ran a hand down Louis face brushing the hair back. Louis leaned into the touch, it was something Harry did all the time, and he loved it.

Cupping his face Harry kissed him again. “Thanks for doing this.” He whispered onto his lips.

“You don’t even have to thank me Harry I love that little girl.” Louis looked up into his eyes.

“You need to go Harry. We will be fine I will text you throughout the day.” Louis pushed him gently to the door.

“Ok ok, I get the hint you want me out of here.” Smiling he walked over and picked up Addie kissing her cheeks. “Young lady you keep lulu out of trouble ok? Love you butterfly.” Handing her over to Louis he snuck one more kiss to his lips.

“I should be home by maybe six or seven and I will pick up Chinese? Sound good?” Raising an eyebrow walking down the steps.

“Yes extra egg rolls I will need them I’m sure, oh and a bottle of wine!” Louis waved to him getting in the car.

Addie waved too and smacked Louis in the face laughing. They watched Harry pull out of the driveway and waved till they couldn’t see him anymore.

Grabbing Addie’s hand and kissing it. “Well I say lets get some breakfast and find out what we want to do.” Walking back in the house shutting the door.

It was an interesting feeling to be inside Harrys house without Harry, it felt weird but not completely. He always felt very comfortable here and knew his way around but now he was in charge of this life in his hands and it became a bit daunting.

“Lulu what?” Addie pointed at his arm noticing the long scratch Louis had stupidly given himself. He dropped the remote under the couch and he thought he could retrieve it but his arm got stuck on a nail that must have been sticking out.

“Boy your observant I just have a boo boo. Silly me.” Addie puckered her lips. “Do you want to kiss it?” Louis felt his face get warm with love. He raised his arm and she put her little lips close to the scratch. “Lulu” Smiling up at him.

Setting her down in the highchair and locking her in and set to getting her breakfast.

“Smile Addie!” Louis held his phone up. She had cheerios and banana stuck in her hair and on her face. “Yep sending that one to your daddy.” Quickly typing a text to Harry and hitting send.

He knew Harry trusted him but he wasn’t too keen on leaving Addie in general. But this job was too important to pass up. He had the opportunity to meet a possible backer for his website so he could have a proper amount of real advertising.

Liam had found a trade show about two hours from here that buyers and catering companies alike would show off their best food and marketing ideas. Harry was working so hard to be successful on his own but still be a full time dad too. Louis noticed the dark circles forming under his eyes, his dozing off during their movie nights and stifling yawns behind his hand.

He didn’t want to disappoint Louis if he might be too tired to hang out, but what Harry didn’t realize was Louis would come over and sit and watch him sleep and be happy. He knew down deep the man was overworked but his pride and just all around goodness he wouldn’t let himself ask for help.

“Well Addie I think you got some of that in your mouth. You ready to play?” He grabbed a washcloth to wipe off her hands and face while she fought his every move to clean her up with curls flying back and forth.

His phone buzzed on the counter as he pulled Addie out of the highchair.

“Well let’s see what daddy had to say. Oh great he’s hoping you got some of it actually into your mouth. Funny daddy.” Tickling her tummy he set he down on the floor as she took off crawling into the living room headed for the playroom sun porch.

Typing quickly he responded. Yep just a bit made it, she’s on the move. Have a good day!! 

Laying the phone down he headed out to the sun porch getting down on the floor with her pull out blocks and books.

They spent the morning watching the sun move across the room while they spread out every single toy she had. Louis lay on his back on the floor with Addie tucked next to him after reading books.

“Let’s take a selfie!” Louis had his phone outstretched above them snaking his arm around her little shoulders so her head was resting on his bicep.

“Ok let’s smile!” Addie did as she was told and even stretched her arm out towards the phone.

Louis took the picture it was everything he had hoped. She was smiling her four teeth showing and eyes bright and green.

Addie sat up and climbed on top of him laying her head down on his chest. “Lulu” she said quietly.

He felt the sting of tears before they appeared. She was as sweet as her daddy and just took to him so quickly he didn’t know completely what to do with all the feelings he had. So much had changed in his life since Harry walked through the door to his meeting. Here he was with a boyfriend and a baby. It reminded him of all the time he spent with his sisters caring for them. He wished he could go back and do it all again, not the pain but just be with them.

Rubbing her back he lifted his head as her eyes started to close and open with the movement of his chest going up and down.

Reaching up with his phone he took another picture of them.

“Come on love you need a nap then we will go to the park ok? Take a nice walk?” Louis gently gathered her up in his arms. He changed her diaper while she yawned a few times with her eyes heavy he kissed her cheek putting her in the crib flipping on the CD of classical music and shut the door half way.

Stretching and walking back into the kitchen to get some tea he noticed a stack of papers on Harrys desk had fallen on the floor from the breeze blowing in the window. Louis knew if he left that there it would drive Harry crazy. They were very different in their aspects of cleaning.

Leaning over to grab up the bills and papers he noticed a picture sticking out behind the desk wedged down along the back. Stacking the papers he reached under to retrieve it.

His breath hitched a bit at the sight of a much younger curlier haired Harry. He was bundled up in a large jumper with the hood up and puffy jacket over the top. His eye sparkled and cheeks red from mostly likely too much beer from the bonfire party going on behind him and the other boy in the picture. They had their arms wrapped tightly around each other their smiles were almost as wide as the picture.

Louis figured the other boy had to be Mark; he was as tall as Harry with blonde hair and a nice smile. His features were more round and puffy but had kind brown eyes.

He set the picture back on the desk grabbing the tea he initially went in for and took it to the back porch, he now really needed that smoke he had been thinking about all morning.

Stepping out onto the back patio into the green backyard, Harry had gotten him a small table and chair set and a cigarette butt container to throw them into, but you wouldn’t know it was since it was covered in butterflies and the top opened up and closed to hide the butts. Some days Louis wondered what he had now done to deserve him. He was really a special person that never gave him a hard time about smoking too much.

Stepping back inside he found gum and washed his hands. He stood in front of the desk looking down at the picture of Harry. He was drawn back to it. There was a drawer on the desk. It was an invasion of privacy but just wondered if there were more pictures.

Looking over his shoulder, but then laughing thinking who would see him, he gently slid the desk draw open to uncover a stack of pictures to the left and two albums tucked away on the right.

For a fleeting second he hesitated but then his curiosity got the best of him. He pulled the stack and albums to the living room flopping down on the couch and propping his feet up on the coffee table.

Louis spent the next hour smiling to himself at all the pictures of Harry, Mark, his mum, Robin and Gemma and Addie.

There were photos of Harry in school with several mates at football matches, drinking in a pub. His arms wrapped around the same boy, flipping back he found one that he stared at for a while. It looked like a mate had snuck a picture of Harry and Mark tangled up in a passionate kiss behind a tree. It was hard to take his eyes off.

Setting it down he found them at Christmas dinner at his mums, Harry trying to get the camera from someone his arms outstretched wearing a Santa hat.

Raising glasses in a toast sitting at several different tables eating big meals, pictures of a cat and dogs running around a large backyard.

Harry dressed in a dark gray suit standing by a tree, and then followed by Mark in the same suit. Louis thinks they must have had a commitment ceremony.

But then the pictures took a turn. The same blonde man lost his roundness, his eyes were sunk in more and the weight fell off him as Louis scanned back further.

Harry had taken a picture of him propped up in a chair attached to cords with a drip, he had balloons sitting next too a small cake and candles with what looked like an attempt at a smile.

He noticed the pictures of Harry changed too, his eyes lost that spark. He was tired but still smiling. His throat was closing as he found the next set of Christmas pictures and Mark was tucked up under blankets in a chair. His hair was either gone or tucked up under a baseball cap.

Louis suddenly felt like he was intruding. But after few more flips of pictures he ran across Addie swaddled so tightly in the hospital. Harry was in a gown holding her so carefully to his chest his eyes were up to the camera glistening with tears and that smile was back. Louis felt a tear fall down his cheek. He knew it was time to put the pictures away.

Stacking everything up he decided he would tell Harry what he did, even if it wasn’t a big deal to him he wanted him to know.

He went outside for one more smoke before going to check on Addie.

**

After Addie woke up he warmed up the lunch Harry made and cleaned up the best he could from the pasta she decided to throw around.

He took Addie down to the park and spent another hour walking her through the long pathway that led back to a creek. She was trying to say bird and Louis was working with her to say tree, squirrel grass everything that they were surrounded by.

The day had turned out to be one of the best; he was relaxed Addie had been a gem.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

Hey there Lou! Well today has been a smashing success I can’t wait to tell you all about it. Everything good? Xx

Yes! We are at the park strolling about. 

We left about an hour ago. I should be home now by 5p. I will get you that wine you asked for ;) I feel like celebrating……..

Oh really?? So I should start stretching huh Styles?

Stop! You’re making me blush! 

HA! Good one Harry you’re more of an animal in the bedroom than I am. 

PFFT! Oh ok Lou you keep telling yourself that one. I had trouble walking last weekend. …ha

Oh now you made me blush. Didn’t think that was possible. X

Ha ok Niall is gagging from looking over my shoulder! I will see you soon. 

We will be waiting for you. Be safe.

Of course Lou…..

Louis looked at his phone it was about 4 o clock they still had time to enjoy the beautiful day. He put Addie in the swing and sang to her as she floated back and forth. He could tell she was going to have a nice voice she would look at him very intently as he sang trying to find the note and holding it with him. He was having so much fun with her he didn’t notice Harry pull up in the parking lot.

“Dada dada dada!” Addie was clapping as he walked over. Louis turned to see him walking up.

“Oh I must have lost track of time.” Pulling Harry close and kissing him.

“That’s ok I love watching you with her. She loves you Louis.” Harry smiled looking down at him. He could help but see something flash over Harrys eyes as he said it. Oh he needed to stop that. Just go with it remember he told himself.

“You want to go with me to get dinner? Or I can come back to the house and you walk up?” Harry walked over slowing Addie down to kiss her forehead and pick her out of the swing.

“Let’s just go together. I like that idea.” Louis grabbed the stroller pushing it over towards the car. Harry popped the trunk and Louis put it in while he put Addie in her seat.

Settling back behind the wheel he looked over and leaned to give Louis another kiss.

“What was that for?” Louis brushed his long hair back.

“You just don’t get it do you?” Harry looked amazed.

“What? What?” Pulling down the visor to look at his face thinking there was something on his face he smirked over at him.

Harry chuckled hooking his finger under Louis chin pulling him back over to him.

“Its you Louis, I just see you. Don’t play dumb with me.” He kissed his forehead.

“We have become very sappy haven’t we?” Louis held Harrys hand as he backed up.

“Ya, the boys pretty much told me to shut up today. I guess I was talking a bit too much about you.” Harry shook his head looking at the road.

“Awe really? Well Addie and I had a wonderful day. Remind me to show you the pictures I took.” Even saying that made his stomach turn he needed to tell Harry he looked at the albums.

Louis squeezed his hand. Looking down at his lap. “Harry I really need to tell you something.”

Harry looked over at him. His face frowned. “What is it Lou? You ok?” Squeezing his hand even tighter.

“I found a picture on the floor under your desk I guess it fell? And then well Addie was napping and I well have a bad habit of snooping. I hope you don’t get mad. But I found a couple of albums and stacks of you and well Mark.” Louis couldn’t meet his eyes so he looked out the window waiting.

“Louis, is that all?” Harry blew out a breath.

“Well yes but that was me invading your privacy, I really didn’t have any right to do that. I saw well some very lovely pictures. But then I did see, well Mark sick. I just felt like I shouldn’t see them? So I put them back. Harry I am sorry for what happened to him. That really had to be hard to watch him change like that.” Louis ran a thumb over Harrys hand.

Harry wasn’t angry at all he was actually relieved. “Lou, please don’t think it was wrong, I have nothing to hide. You can go through all the drawers and cabinets in my house if you want. Actually what I should have done is share those with you anyway. I’m actually relieved you saw them, now I don’t have to show you. If that makes sense, it’s well still hard but not for the same reasons as it was even a few months ago. 

Before it was more about my loss, but now it’s about healing. And moving on, and that has become my past, it was a great past. But that’s what it is. Past.”

Harry lifted up Louis hand and kissed the back of it looking over at him, his eyes were soft and watery but not sad.

Louis felt his chest tighten and swell with that feeling that keeps coming back to him.

“You are an amazing man. I mean that Harry I’m not trying to just be sappy or whatever, I just really don’t know if I deserve you.” His eyes moved out the window.

“Lou look at me please. Don’t say that. We all deserve happiness right? You may think you’re less than me for unknown crazy reason but that is farthest thing from the truth. You still need to let yourself feel, it’s ok to be happy.” Harry pulled into a parking spot in front of the restaurant turning to face him.

“I sure as hell don’t know everything. Ok. But I know one thing. I walked into that meeting not expecting my life to completely change. What I found in that room was piece of mind. And you. I am thankful for my choice to go that night.”

Louis leaned forward smiling into Harrys lips pulling on them so softly.

Addie was getting impatient with not moving and started kicking their chairs and clapping.

“Ok little lady! Ok. I guess she is our cue to get a move on. I’m sure she is hungry too.” Louis jumped out of the car. “My treat! You still need to tell me about your day.”

Harry watched him go in he had to tell his heart to slow down. “Hi baby you have a good day?” Leaning over the seat to his daughter. “Lulu Lulu!” Birrrr birrrrr d”

“Did you just say bird? That’s good Addie. Bird.” Harry tickled her feet to get giggles out till Louis came back.

The car door opened the smell of greasy Chinese food wafted in. “Louis! I think she said bird! Did you teach her that?”

“Yes Addie good sweet girl.” Louis couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face.

“Ok I may have to make you full time babysitter you can teach her everything.” Harry turned the car onto the road.

“Harry I really wouldn’t mind one bit.”

**

Sitting on the floor around the coffee table they discussed Harry’s day and he will be expecting a call soon about getting backing and maybe actually hiring help.

Addie ate her chicken and rice but lost interest pretty quick and decided to pull up and make her way around the coffee table stepping over them to make her way around again.

Harry was mid sentence when he looked over across the table dropping his fork onto his plate Louis followed his eyes as they watched her take her hands off the table and step towards the rocking chair. She had her hands outstretched towards it as she took cautious steps. Harry put his hand over his mouth to squelch the scream he wanted to make.

Louis clasped his hands and held his breath.

She walked at least four steps before winding up on her bottom. Harry got up on all four and crawled over to her around the table to whisk her up into his arms.

“That’s my girl! Louis did you see that!”

Lou crawled over next to Harry and hugged them both.

“Oh I’m so glad you were here to see it. I love being able to share this with you, oh no she’s going to be all over this house even more. I’m going to have to put up locks and cabinet stoppers and gates.” Harry was having a bit of a melt down.

“Shh sweetie its fine I will help you. We know people, lets get Zayn over I bet he could make you some gates.”

Kissing Addie on the forehead he let her down. Snaking his hand around Louis waist he laid his head into the crook of his neck.

She wore herself out pretty quick taking steps all over the living room, Harry managed to get most of it recorded on his phone.

Flipping off her light he kissed her curls and held her extra tight. “Only a few more weeks and you will be one my butterfly. I’m so happy to have you.” He whispered into her ear. “I think we are lucky to have lulu too aren’t we? Should we keep him?” He looked down into her eyes. She smiled up at him.

“Sleep well, I love you sweetie.” Harry handed her the giraffe and pulled the blanket up.

**

Louis propped himself up on pillows flipping through Broadway magazine while Harry put Addie to bed. He had always wanted to visit New York to take in the new shows, the shows usually made it to London theatres but still there was something about saying you had been to Broadway.

Harry came in flipping off the hall light and shutting the bedroom door. Tossing the magazine aside Louis opened his arms to him.

“Oh Lou what a day!” Snuggling into his shoulder laying his head on his chest.

Louis ran his hand through his hair as Harry closed his eyes. “I’m so happy for you Harry when this guy calls you soon everything is going to happen I can just feel it. I know your tired why don’t we just go to sleep.”

Harry opened his eyes looking up at him. “I like your ideas. Addie wore you out a bit didn’t she?” Blinking and yawing.

Louis pulled the pillows down and fluffed them as Harry took off his shirt and flipped off the bedside lamp.

“She was amazing Harry really, I enjoyed the day. I’m sure she won’t be an angel every time I watch her but that’s ok too. I can still spoil her.” Louis turned on his side facing Harry letting his eyes adjust to the darkness.

“You want to be her babysitter now?” Harry reached out and pushed the hair off his face.

“If she would have me, but sadly I do have that job in the way of an everyday thing. But of course love anytime you need me I will be here. Now turn over so I can cuddle up to your warm sexy body.” Louis scooted towards Harry.

Smiling at him he leaned over to kiss his lips. Pulling back he looked him in the eye. Kissing him again then flipping over to feel his arm wrap around his waist pulling him close.

“There see that’s the way to do it. You’re so nice and warm.” Louis kissed his shoulder.

Silence filled the room as Louis listened to Harrys breathing deepen.

“Harry.”

“Yeah.”

“I… well I … I’m falling in love with you.” Louis closed his eyes and held his breath.

Harry leaned back onto Louis chest, turning his head to look back at him. “Louis open your eyes. Look at me.” Lou popped one eye open to look at him.

“I’ve already fallen.” Harry smiled at him.

Louis blew out a breath. Leaning forward he kissed Harry pulling him even closer closing his eyes with a smile plastered on his face.


	11. Chapter 11

Harry woke up before Louis facing him in the dark his profile was just stunning. His cheek bones were so structured and his eye lashes shouldn’t be allowed on anyone. They way his hair fell over his face in wisps just made him want to touch. But he didn’t want to wake him.

He wanted to say it several weeks back but knowing how Louis is about relationships he wasn’t sure if he would go running for the hills and never come back. But instead they snuggled up and went to sleep.

Harry felt his stomach drop a bit; he couldn’t go through loss again. And he had Addie to think of. But he had him right in front of him now. They only knew each other for a few months but its there.

He had not told Louis this but he went to the cemetery and talked to Mark. It had been a few weeks since he had gone, this time was different. He sat with his legs tucked up to his chest telling him about Louis. It felt like he needed too. He still had a connection with the man he had spent years growing up with. Even though he wasn’t physically there he had to verbalize what he was feeling. Once the words fell on his lips that there was love he just kept smiling hoping Louis would feel it too. He just wished he could help him with his insecurities. He thinks too much of it stemmed from his family issues. But they had time.

Louis stirred and Harry reached out laying his hand on his shoulder softly.

An eye of blue opened and looked at him. A smile spread across his face.

“Have you been watching me sleep?” A gruff voice came.

“Maybe.” Harry hid his face.

“Ok good then I don’t feel so bad for doing it.” Louis smirked at him.

“Oh really? You watch me sleep?” Harry pushes back his hair from his eyes.

“Well on occasion but also you snore so bad I might be thinking about using the pillow over your face too.” Louis turned to face Harry with his body stretching out.

“Addie still sleeping?”

“Yep I got up and checked she was snoring a bit herself.” Harry splayed a hand across Louis chest feeling goosebumps pop up.

Looking down at the sheet he could see it was raised, looking Louis in the eye and smiling he pushed up off his pillow lifting the sheet ducking under.

Louis felt him move his boxers off and he latched onto his hard cock in one swift movement. He left out a cry and instantly covered his mouth so as not to wake up Addie.

Harry worked over him with a warm and wet mouth pulsing up and down with purpose.

Louis bucked up into his mouth pushing his hand through his hair.

“Oh Harry oh my god your so good.” Louis clenched his eyes shut.

Smiling around his dick Harry quickened the pace. Licking base popping off and swallowing down.

Louis felt that familiar pull in his stomach stars exploded behind his eyes.

Harry pulled off and sucked on the tip licking away the excess, slowly kissing his way back up Louis torso to his open mouth licking in. 

Louis grabbed onto the back of his head as he licked the salty taste into his mouth. There was something insanely sexy about sharing with each other.

Panting still in recovery Louis ran his hands down Harrys broad back. “Oh your good that’s’ probably the fastest I have ever came. But I’m not complaining.”

Sucking his bottom lip into his mouth Harry rutted against Louis thigh. “Oh I’m not done I’m just gonna let you recover just a bit.”

“Recovering is for wimps, fuck me.” Louis caught Harrys eyes blow wide.

Pulling Louis down off the pillows and spreading his legs Harry all but attacked his mouth, with his thighs splaying his legs apart his fingers found his hole teasing the outer edge sending waves of sensation through Louis body.

Reaching into the night stand he grabbed a bottle and slicked up his fingers quickly. “What do you want Louis tell me.”

“I want you inside me..now.” Shaking as Harrys fingers worked into him.

“God you’re so beautiful.” Harry stared down at Louis eyes shut against his cheeks.

Smiling up at Harry he pulled his lips down sucking in roughly.

Shuddering at the movement Harry placed his dick at Louis opening teasing around the side and back down jutting up against him. Every little movement moans escaped Louis mouth his eye slit watching Harry.

Louis reached back into the nightstand and pulled out a condom, ripping the paper with his teeth he grabbed Harry in his hands pulling up so the length was rubbing against his belly. Extending his arms he rolled it down to the base. Grabbing the lube he slicked him up never taking his eyes off Harry.

“Please.” Louis said lifting his legs wrapping them around Harrys waist.

Bending over slightly Harry pushed against him slowly allowing Louis to take him in. “Yeah that’s good Lou, oh pull me in.” Leaning over his lips inches from Louis’s as he moved all the way in. 

“Harry oh my god you feel so good. ‘S good.” Louis rubbed his hand down back grabbing his ass his in hands pushing him forward.

Wrapping his arm behind Louis head Harry caught his lips licking into his mouth as he started to move. The pace was slow with languid rolling of his hips into him. Almost like a dance sucking on his lips while pushing deeper.

Taking the full length of him Louis moved his legs up higher onto his waist as he quickened his movements.

Harry searched for his eyes till they met.

Louis felt him move slowly taking his cock all the way out and moving back into him looking into his eyes their mouths just inches apart.

“I love you Louis.” Harry caught his mouth closing his eyes feeling every bit of the love in him.

His rhythm quickened as he placed long wet stripes along his neck, licking into his ear and back to his mouth. Sweat was starting to form on his forehead as he felt Louis clench and release around him. It was almost overwhelming.

Shock waves of orgasm sent through his body as he wrapped Louis into him pushing deeper and deeper as he came.

Panting holding each other trying to breathe, Louis pulled Harrys ear to his mouth.

“I love you too Harry.” Pulling him as close as he could.

Stroking his back Louis held onto Harry as he came down from his high.

Harry gently moved over to lie next to him, right at that moment Addie started crying. Louis placed his hand on Harrys chest. “How about I go get her?” Smiling he pushed off the bed jumping around putting on his boxers.

Opening the door he scooted into her room on bare feet.

The crying stopped and was replaced by “Lulu! Lulu! Up up up.” Addie was excited to see him come into her room.

“Well good morning little lady! What’s all the fuss about? What’s the buzz tell me what’s happening!” Louis started singing to her, Harry pulled the covers over his chest listening. He had envisioned having a family again. It was nice to feel like one.

“Wow Addie I don’t think this is even normal what did you create here? Oh my goodness what did we feed you last night?” Harry cackled out loud, poor Louis was really getting a full idea of being a dad.

Harry called out from the bed. “Better you than me babe!”

He could hear Louis going on and on about the smell and tickling her to make her laugh while he changed her. The sun was starting to show in the window, he figured they were all up and it was his favorite day Saturday. Now maybe he could get Louis to join them today to go look for new furniture for Addie’s room since she would be out of her crib soon.

Searching for his shorts Harry walked into the bathroom flipping on the light to see his hair going every which way.

Grabbing the t-shirt hanging over the bed post he pulled it on walking out into the hallway.

“Who’s up for some breakfast.” He called into Addie’s room.

“I think your daughter has eaten enough for two armies.” Louis was changing her out of her pj’s into a t-shirt and pant set his mum had bought. “This outfit ok Harry?” Louis looked at him hoping for approval.

Chuckling at him. “Of course Louis that’s fine it matches good job mate.” Smacking him on the ass.

Louis stuck his tongue out and Addie laughed doing the same to him. “Oh great your going to learn from him now and gang up on me aren’t you two.” Harry leaned over and kissed her cheek. Pulling back for a moment he looked at Louis and Addie then pulled them both into a big hug.

“Well how about I make a big breakfast and if you want too Louis I was going to hit up some antique mall I found online about an hour away in the country today. You can join us and we can have lunch and shop.”

Harry headed to the kitchen with Louis trailing behind carrying Addie.

“Oh that sounds wonderfully domestic. But I do need to run home and change.” Louis got out her sippy cup and filled it with milk and setting her down in the play room.

“You can just look in my closet and find something love, if you want of course.” Harry pulled out beans and sausages along with some eggs and tomatoes.

“Oh you weren’t kidding about the proper fry up.” Wrapping his arms around Harrys waist as he cut the sausages out of the package.

“Gotta get some energy to shop, you want to go by one of those tea places too? I know you were getting low last time I made you some tea.” Harry kissed his cheek.

“Harry that would be lovely.” Resting his head on his shoulder.

“Um Louis as much as I love this, I really kinda need to make breakfast and can’t exactly do that with you like a koala on my back.” Harry reached around to tickle his sides.

“Sorry feeling extremely sentimental right now, and that’s just so not me I don’t know what to do with myself.” Louis pulled away and looked down at his feet.

Setting down the can opener for the beans Harry pulled him into a hug. “Oh love I didn’t mean anything by that. You can be sappy and sentimental all day and we will make everyone around us sick to their stomachs ok?”

Kissing his forehead they felt hands on their legs. Addie had crawled in and was pulling up on both of them.

She stretched her arms way up. Louis picked her up. “Come on lets go play while daddy makes a feast.” Addie puckered up her lips and Harry gave her a kiss.

Louis pretended to do the Tango around the kitchen with her into the living room while she screamed with laughter.

**

After filling their bellies they showered and packed up snacks for Addie and juice cups for their road trip. Louis found a t shirt and shorts that fit and they smelled like Harry so he was content to leave them on all day.

Since they were up so early it was only eight thirty when they left the house for their hour drive into the country.

Harry was telling Louis about all the furniture he had been so lucky to find in these small out of the way towns. Great prices and good quality, he figured Louis would appreciate all the eclectic art pieces he finds too.

Addie had dozed off just about ten minutes out of town. Louis plugged in his iPod to show tunes and proceeded to sing to Harry which he joined in on quite a few.

The clouds had stayed away it was a sunny warm day. The countryside was a lush green speckled with wildflowers and cows.

Harry pulled down the directions and handed to Louis so he could guide them around the town after they turned onto a dirt road.

“If we don’t make it back to home I’m blaming you Harry.” Louis was watching the road and the map.

“Lulu!” Addie shouted.

“See she’s on her daddy’s side. I guess you woke up huh my sweet.” Harry looked back at her messed up curls and sleepy eyes.

“She’s yelling for me because she is on my side thank you very much. Right Addie?” Louis leaned back and tickled her toes and handed her the water bottle they brought. “Oh she needs a diaper change too.”

“I see the market just up head I’m sure we can duck into a store.” Harry pulled the car up to the curb of the quaint town. There were three long rows of buildings that had a sign for the market. They noticed a local farmers market in front under large white tents and men and women milling about checking out the fruits and vegetables they had to offer.

At the end of the rows looked like sandwich and soup shop with an outdoor vine covered patio.

Harry liked the looks of the town already. Addie was itching to get out of the car. Louis pulled her out and set her down on the curb holding her fingers so she could walk around down the side walk. 

“Here let me take her in here to this shop see if I can change her before we go down to the market.” Harry grabbed her fingers and walked her to the door of the candle shop.

Louis stood outside and decided to grab a quick smoke while Harry was inside.

He scanned around the signs and noticed a tea shop next to the sandwich place.

Noticing Harry coming back he stubbed out the cigarette and threw it in a nearby bin.

“All better.” Addie was clapping her hands; Harry set her in the stroller and buckled her in grabbing a few toys and her giraffe.

“Ok I think we are finally all set.” Louis pushed Addie down the side walk.

**

Strolling down aisle after aisle keeping Addie occupied and admiring art pieces Louis watched Harry haggling with the local owner over a junior size bed. It was friendly banter but fascinating all the same to watch him negotiating. 

Weaving his way back over towards the wall of paintings he had been admiring. Harry came up behind him. “I did it! Got her the bed, dresser and side table for way under what he was asking. And he is going to get someone to bring it to the house.” Harry was almost jumping up and down. Louis smiled at him.

“Oh my god you’re so cute.” Louis kissed his cheek.

“Hungry?” Harry grabbed his hand.

“I like this art piece on the wall right there.” Louis pointed up. It showed a little girl walking inside a flower bed with butterflies all around her.

“I’m buying that for you, and don’t you get all no you’re not because it’s happening.”

Louis strode away to find a sales person.

Harry stood smiling handing Addie crackers while Louis did his negotiating.

They walked to the front counter and Louis paid and had them wrap up the painting. “Can I get your keys I will go run this to the car so we can go grab lunch, I’m fancying some soup?” Harry tossed him the keys with a wink.

“We will go grab an outside table Lou, see you over there.” Harry pushed Addie out the door.

The café was quaint with vines all around the iron railings small covered tables with fresh flowers. A waitress appeared and handed Harry a menu and talked to Addie admiring her curly hair. Ordering them both tea he could see Louis making his way back across the courtyard.

“Oh this is nice let’s see I want the curry chicken soup that sounds amazing, maybe a salad too. What about you?” Louis smiled over at him and handed Addie another cracker and gave her the water bottle.

Harry watched him with her it was just so nice he didn’t even have to remind him of anything he just did it.

“I think I will do the corn chowder and ham sandwich. Addie can have the vegetable soup. What you’re staring at me?” Harry looked over his menu.

Louis set his eyes back on his tea and handed a small piece of cracker to Addie.

“It’s just this…….this is a very nice day. I haven’t felt a part of anything in years. This kind of day we have had Harry it just doesn’t exist for me.”

Harry reached over and grabbed his hand.

“You have us Lou, me and Addie.”

The waitress walked over to take their order.

The soups were decadent and filling. They decided that the hour drive was worth it for the soup alone. They dipped their spoons in each others bowls enjoying every bite.

Sitting back rubbing his belly Louis leaned over to hold Addie’s hand. She sat watching people walk by and held his hand drinking from her cup. 

The warm breeze pushed across their faces as they packed up to walk over to the tea room to buy Louis some exotic teas.

The rest of the afternoon flew by; they stopped into a few clothes shops and searched bargain bins. Harry stocked up on fresh fruit and vegetables at the market.

They both decided it was time to make their trek home when neither one of them had enough hands to even push the stroller and laughed at each other when they realized it.

Addie zapped out almost as soon as they pulled away from the town. The sun was starting to set in the distance hues of pink and purple cascaded across the sky in streaks.

Louis noticed his phone lighting up in the cup holder reaching over his mouth dropped open as he blanched looking at the screen.

Harry noticed Louis’s reaction to the call. “What is it? Lou?”

“It’s…it’s my mum.” Louis looked at Harry and back at the phone then back to Harry searching his face for what to do. The ringing stopped as he stared.

Harry knew he wanted him to tell him to answer but he just couldn’t there was no telling what was needed at the other end of the phone line.

“I can’t tell you what do Louis; I mean it could be important. When was last time you actually spoke to her?” Harry set his hand on Louis thigh.

“Harry it has been so long I really don’t know. I talk to my sisters still but they don’t tell me about her or dad. They know how hard it is for me, well for all of us.” Louis scrubbed his hand down his face.

“Why did she have to call right now! This was such a lovely day.” Louis peered out the window he could feel his ears start to burn red.

“Harry can I smoke please? I know its not good but please?” Louis eyes were pleading with him.

“Of course Louis just put your hand out a bit I will open another window. Addie is ok.” Harry patted his leg as Louis clicked his lighter blowing the smoke out the top of the window.

“Here’s an idea, we are about half way home. Its still early lets get back to the house and I will open a bottle of merlot and you can call? That is of course if you want too.”

“She didn’t even leave a message Harry. It could be nothing. But then again she could be afraid to say what she needs too. Oh I just don’t know.” Louis took a long drag on his cigarette.

“But that is a good idea, I need to calm down first and then yes I will call. I have too.” Louis grabbed Harrys hand and squeezed. “Thanks mate, I mean here I am having a melt down and it really could be nothing.” Louis tried to smile.

The rest of the car ride Harry tried to fill the silence with anything he could think of to take Louis mind off the call. He could tell the smile and interest he was getting was not really Louis, he was trying so hard to not lose it.

Pulling into the drive way they both grabbed as much as they could and set it on the porch while Harry pulled Addie out of her seat.

Louis took the rest inside to sort out later what was his and what was Harrys.

As promised Harry pulled out the merlot and two glasses, handing a full glass to Louis as he came into the kitchen pulling him into a tight hug rubbing his back softly and kissing under his ear.

“I’m going to go sit outside and call.”

Pulling him close Harry kissed him. “Ok love, I’m going to give Addie a bath and feed her then we can decide how the rest of our evening will go if we will be opening another bottle or not.” Harry tried to smile to bring a smile to his lips.

Louis pulled out of the embrace grabbing his phone he set out to the back yard wine and cigarettes in hand.

Blowing out a large ring of smoke he opened up his phone hitting his mum’s number.

He held his breath as one ring turned into five; suddenly he heard a breathy hello.

His voice was stuck in his throat. “Mum?”

“Louis yes it’s me. Hi.” Jay replied very quietly. “I wasn’t sure if I had the right number when I called earlier.”

“It’s mine was traveling didn’t hear the phone.” He lied.

“Oh ……so you ok?” Her voice was so quiet.

“I am actually. I have a boyfriend and I’m happy. He has a daughter too she’s one and wonderful.” Louis found himself wanting it to be a dig to her but it was just the truth.

He paced back to the table lighting another cigarette taking a drag and lifting the glass to his lips.

“That…..that is good Louis.”

Silence was all he heard.

“Mum why did you call me?” Louis blew out smoke.

He heard a sigh on the other end followed by a cough. “I had too, it well I you have to forgive me Louis.” Her voice was shaking.

“Forgive.” He said back to her.

“Yes I am a weak woman. I never meant to hurt you. Your father oh that man, he had such control I never wanted things to be this way.” Jay sniffed and quietly blew her nose.

Louis closed his eyes sucking in a breath. “So now after all these years you want to tell me this? Mum I’ve been gone for so long. After……after what well what happened. You never even tried to call me or see me.”

Tears started to flood his eyes picking up the wine glass he took a swig. He walked along the back fence.

“Yes your right. It was horrible thing to do, how I could allow it my own son.” Sobs escaped her mouth into the phone.

Louis quieted his voice. “Mum please, please don’t ok? It’s just so hard for me to hear this now.”

“But Louis there’s not much time you…have….have to hear this.” Jay sniffed into the phone.

Louis felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.

“What is it mum?” Louis whispered.

“Your father is dying. He needs to see you.” 

Louis pulled the phone back and looked at it, then brought it back to his ear.

“Mum I what is wrong? How long?

“They say just a few weeks. The disease has spread so fast. It’s bad Lou.” Jay was choking back the tears.

“But mum how do you expect me to just come back? Does he even know you called me? Did he ask for me?” Louis felt his hysteria starting to rise.

“He…he asked me to call, its hard for him to speak. Can you please do this?”

He felt his feet numbing for some reason there was a feeling like he was going to jump out of his own skin.

“So I am supposed to just swallow down the fact that I was sent away? Put out on my own? Made to feel like shit mum for being gay! Then the car accident! To now come back to a dying mans bed so he can feel better?” Louis voice was rising with every sentence.

Louis could hear Jay crying it was muffled but it was there.

He stalked back across the yard to light another smoke. Taking a long drag he finally said. “Mum look you can’t just walk back into my life and expect me to jump and run. I need time.”

“Louis! There is no time.” Jay almost shouted into the phone.

“Well you had nothing but time all these years. Why now? Does he have to clear his conscience, but then where does this leave me! I’ve been in therapy for years to try and deal with my life mum! The life I was made to live. There were days I went with out food, barely had any money to survive on. It was madness. I thought about giving up over and over. And I now have finally found someone……someone to build a new happy life with. Until now I didn’t even think it was possible.” Louis looked up to the sky trying not allow the tears to fall.

“Don’t you realize how fucked up I am!”

A sob escaped his throat he bent over and it took over. Placing the back of his hand on his mouth he tried to keep them from escaping. It was fruitless attempt because they rocked his body.

Suddenly he felt two large hands pulling him in wrapping him up they grabbed his shoulders and enveloped his body burying his face into a warm chest. Completely covered with heat he allowed his tears to flow freely. He pulled Harry so close he almost couldn’t breathe. Louis could barely keep his body still as it shook.

Harry pulled the phone out of his hand. “Mrs. Tomlinson this is Harry, Louis boyfriend he is going to have to call you back.”

Jay heard the sobs and deep voice. “Ok Harry.” There was a click and the line went dead.

Setting the phone on the table while still holding Louis he snaked his arms back around him, rocking slowly stroking his head while the sobs slowed down.

“Shhh love….Shhh calm down Louis your ok. I’m here I got you. I’m not letting go either.” Harry kissed the top of his head. He felt Louis pull even tighter.

“Where’s …..where’s Addie?” Louis managed to get out as he tried to breathe.

“I put her in the playpen right inside I can see her she’s looking at books.”

“Ok I … I just didn’t want her to see me like this. I don’t want to scare her.” Louis said into Harrys chest.

“Lou, I heard everything the windows are open. I wasn’t eves dropping but it was pretty easy to hear.” Harry stroked his neck massaging in small circles with his finger tips.

“Oh Harry it’s so fucked up.” Louis leaned back off his chest. “Oh you’re all wet now.”

“I don’t care; I only care about you Louis. Come here let’s go inside, wipe off your face and we can talk.” Harry guided him back up the steps.

Louis passed by Addie laying down looking at her books luckily she was too engrossed to look at him.

He went into the bathroom turning on the cold water splashing his face. Holding the sides of the counter he closed his eyes trying to make the world stop spinning.

How fucked up is this for me to have to make this kind of decision he thought.

There was a light tap at the door. “Louis you want some dinner love?”

Opening the door smiling at Harry. “I guess I should eat, you’re quite the charmer aren’t you.” Moving into his open arms.

Harry set to pulling together a quick meal for them. Louis wasn’t really that hungry but wanted to distract himself by playing with Addie while Harry was busy in the kitchen.

“I’m going to put her to bed ok Harry?” Louis came in the kitchen with a half asleep Addie.

Harry kissed his daughter and kissed his boyfriend.

**

With their knees tucked up on the couch and plates of pasta empty. Louis leaned his head back listening to the music Harry put on. Quiet classical, the lit candles flickered on the coffee table.

Louis had explained the entire conversation.

“What do you want to do Lou? When do we leave if you want to go?” Harry quirked and eyebrow up.

“We?” Louis looked over at him.

“Of course we, you really think I would let you drive to Doncaster and do this alone?” Harry looked offended.

Moving his legs so they stretched out rubbing up against Harrys long legs.

“ I love you Harry Styles. Thank you for today, tonight, everything.” Louis grabbed his ankle rubbing the soft skin.

“I’m tired Lou, let’s go to bed get some sleep and decide what we are going to do in the morning.” Harry stood up off the couch blowing out the candles.

Stripping off their clothes climbing under the cool covers they found each other. Harry pulled Louis close and hummed into his hair a soft goodnight.

Louis lay there holding Harrys hand wondering what will lie ahead but as long as he has him it may not be so bad. He let his eyes close, quickly visions of his family popped into his closed eyes


	12. Chapter 12

Louis couldn’t sleep it just wasn’t happening. After several attempts to keep his eyes closed and not have nightmares he gently pushed back the covers extracting himself from Harrys limbs.

Pulling on his boxers and Harrys tshirt he grabbed his cigarettes out of his jeans pocket on the chair.

The clear night allowed the moonlight to stream into the room guiding his way through the hallway.

Standing by Addie’s door for a moment he listened for her breathing, he walked quietly into the room. The night light cast a shadow over her little face.

He felt that familiar pull of his heart as he looked at her. She was now permanently a part of him. Gently laying his hand on her back then pushing the curls out of her eyes he sighed and moved away.

Softly padding his way through the dark house he opened the sliding door letting the rush of cooler air hit his face as he stepped out.

Flicking his lighter the flame lit his face as he took a drag flipping his hair out of his eyes. Blowing out the smoke with a forced breath he ran a hand down his face.

Pulling his legs to his chest in the chair wrapping his arms around his knees he watched the birds that were awake flittering back and forth in the bushes behind the house.

He hadn’t even thought about it but he had spent the weekend at Harry’s it was the first time they did this. Normally he goes home but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself too and well Harry probably wouldn’t have let him anyway.

Taking a long pull on the cigarette he stared at the end and watched the smoke billow up to the sky.

God he was too good to him. His stomach did a strange flip as he thought about how he had taken care of him last night.

It was almost embarrassing having a break down. He had Harry right there to pick him up. No one did that, well Miranda would have of course but then it would have turned into something about her instead it always did.

The sliding door moved behind him turning up to see a worried expression descending the steps to him. Louis turned and put out the cigarette shutting the lid.

“Lou.” Harry cleared his throat.

His hair was sticking up all over with puffy eyes and furrowed brow he pulled another chair over plopping down resting his arm over on Louis back softly caressing.

They sat in silence.

“You know, my nan always had a smart phrase when I was younger. She said it all the time. I never really gave it much thought well till I had to deal with death on my own. She said the more difficulties one has to encounter, within and without, the more significant and the higher in inspiration his life will be.” Harry ran his hand slowly up to the back of Louis neck rubbing slow circles into his hair.

“I really truly believe Louis that if I hadn’t had to deal with everything, and I mean everything, Mark sick, Addie being born becoming a father in the most difficult of times and eventually saying good bye to my love. I wouldn’t be where I am today.” His voice coming out in a whisper he stared at the back of Louis head.

Louis looked over his shoulder at Harry. “Of course Harry you have been through this I’m sorry. You know way more than I do, ugh I’m just so fucking confused.”

“Well babe I don’t look at it that way. I’m here to support you and really I haven’t been through what you are at all.” Louis leaned back into his touch. Resting his head on Harrys shoulder.

“I knew what was wrong with Mark I was there, we went through it together. You, well you are being forced to deal. What your mom did, and if I may speak bluntly was really fucked up. Calling out of the blue and expecting you to swallow all these years and act like everything is ok to come back home. I don’t get it either.”

Harry twisted his arm so it was looped under Louis’s and locked their fingers together rubbing slowly with his thumb over his hand.

“Harry I’m so happy I have you.” Louis sniffed and turned his head more into the crook of his neck he could feel the tears coming. Harry unhooked their hands and put his arm around him pulling him closer.

Louis stood with his tear stained face pulling Harry up to him and set his head on his chest. Harry wrapped his arms around him, as they stood and swayed in the moonlight.

It was what he needed most, a hug. And Harry gave him the best. He never in his life felt this close to anyone.

Rubbing his hand up into Louis hair he felt him shuddering against him, his tshirt was pooling with tears. It was killing him inside to see him like this. How could he help him figure out what to do when he was so angry at this faceless family? First they push him away for being different then the most horrible thing happens they blame him and now this? But he knew he had to swallow his anger down and try and help him come to grips. He knew the perfect person to put things into perspective.

“Lou, I have an idea. And you can tell me no, tell me to go to hell but I may have someone that could help well both of us work through this. I would like to ask my mum over for dinner tonight?” Harry felt him stop.

Sniffling and muffled. “Anne? You think she could understand.”

“Yes I do a fresh perspective and she doesn’t know any of the story but let me tell you what she will lay it out, tell you how it is. You can do whatever you want with it. Well we because you’re not getting rid of me on this.” Harry pulled him back to look at his red eyes.

“Ok Harry.” Louis laid he head back down pulling him closer around the waist to him.

“Ok love.” Rubbing his back and pulling him toward the door. “Let’s get some sleep there is curly haired little lady that will want my attention in a few hours.

Walking back arm and arm down the hallway to the bedroom Harry tucked him in on his side and pulled him as close as he could kissing his shoulder trying to keep the nightmares away so he could get some sleep. Closing his eyes hoping he could do the same.

**

Harry had the roast in the oven loaded with carrots and potatoes. He was currently making the batter for the Yorkshire pudding when Addie walked around the corner with a wide eyed Louis walking crouched down with his arms out to steady her if she would tumble in either direction.

Harry couldn’t help but laugh the look on Louis face was priceless every time she stumbled just a bit he was ready to dive underneath her he thinks to cushion her fall.

“What am I going to do when you go home tonight I won’t have the human shield here to protect her anymore?” Harry stirred the batter and pulled the muffin tin closer.

“Shhhush she’s doing so well you don’t want to scare her!” Louis winked at Harry.

“My mum is going to just fall over she hasn’t seen her walking yet.” Harry took a deep breath; he wasn’t entirely ready for her to be a big girl.

They made the circle out of the kitchen back into the foyer leading back into the living room when the door bell rang.

“We will get it!” Louis softly spun Addie around heading her for the door. “Nana’s here! Let’s go get her!

Addie put out her hands clapping as she drunkenly made her way to the door. Louis was ahead of her and opened the door to a shocked Anne and Robin.

Anne nearly dropped the pudding she had brought. Robin grabbed it out her hands before it was lost.

“Oh my! Look at my baby girl!” Crouching down she let Addie take the last three steps into her arms.

“Harry Styles! You didn’t tell your own mum that her Granddaughter was walking!” Her smile taking up her whole face as she kissed Addie on her cheeks.

Addie was pushing to get down. Anne set her down in amazement as she took off again on wobbly legs.

Harry sheepishly met them in the foyer flashing his irresistible dimpled smile. He kissed her cheek. “Surprise.”

Taking the pudding out of Robin’s hands and shaking one.

Louis hugged Anne and shook Robin’s hand. “So good to see you both.”

“Same here Louis I brought libations!” Anne pulled open her hand bag and grabbed out two bottles of Merlot. “Harry said you love Merlot.”

Lois felt his chest tighten and his eye water for a moment. “Yes I do thank you. I think we will need this.” Taking the bottles he head into the kitchen to put them in wine cooler Harry had recently found.

“Yes but that will be later now we visit and play with Addie and catch up.” Anne took off her blazer and stopped looking at the far wall of the kitchen.

“Is that new?” Pointing at the picture.

Harry smiled at it then looked at Anne. “Yes Louis bought that for me when we went to the antique market. Isn’t it lovely?”

“I thought it was just a perfect representation of Harry and Addie.” Louis walked over to it admiring it again.

“It really is the butterflies, even the little girl reminds me of Addie.” Ann pulled out four wine glasses.

Louis pulled one of the bottles out of the cooler getting the cork screw.

“Here let me pour Louis. Robin you want a glass hon?” Calling into the other room.

Robin rounded the corner with a giggly Addie in his arm.

“Thank you love.” Robin kissed her cheek as she handed him his glass.

Harry snuck a look at Louis who was looking at him and he smiled.

“Toast!” Anne began. “To the future, as you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!”

Louis busted out laughing as Harry shook his head; he’s heard this one so many times. Robin just kissed Addie and took his glass into the living room.

“Mum you know we aren’t even Irish but you insist on giving Irish blessings!” Harry took a swig and filled the muffin tins.

Louis smiled at them. He was in love not only with Harry but his family.

Walking over he put his arm around Anne. “Well I loved it Anne tell me more!” Louis stuck his tongue out at Harry and guided his mum into the living room.

**

Tea was almost ready Harry was making the finishing touches on the table setting out the silverware and getting Addie’s drink and high chair ready at the table.

He heard laughter coming from the backyard he snuck a look out the bay window. Louis had bought Addie bubbles when he ran to the store for Harry that afternoon; while they waited for tea he wanted to see how she liked them. She was screaming trying to catch the bubbles as he blew them out. Anne and Robin were chasing them also. It was quite a site.

Harry almost didn’t want to tell them it was time. He quickly grabbed out his phone and hit record. He needed to start documenting things again. It had gotten away from him after Mark. But now it was good.

Walking over to the sliding glass door he pulled it back. “Well family I hate to tell you but tea is ready.” 

“Good I’m starving!” Louis scopped up Addie kissing her cheek and tickling her tummy. “Let’s wash those little fingers miss and I will get you all situated.”

Anne smiled at Harry a knowing look of approval. Harry knows she been watching Louis with a smile but still wondering how he is with Addie, it’s her grandchild of course she would be concerned but had no reason to be. She rubbed Harrys back as they walked inside with Louis out of earshot. “I like him Harry.”

Harry put his arm around his mum leaning down into her ear. “I love him mum.” Kissing her forehead she pulled him close by the waist.

**

Louis had never laughed so much during a meal. The stories they had. Anne was a professional story teller and he may have her convinced to try out for the next show.

She had climbed a mountain and advised to never ever ask her where they marked the trail that day.

Robin felt it necessary to add to the conversation saying she even took pictures thinking it would be funny for me to see. Me? Really why would I want to see! So proud she was of that accomplishment.

Louis was crying with laughter as they told it. Then it was Harry’s turn to share stories of the past growing up. Anne added all kinds of bits about Harry thinking it was adorable to raid his sister’s closet to play dress up. And run around with her bras on.

Harry was flush pink and hiding his eyes. But Louis feet found his under the table.

“Gemma has some of the best stories too but we will have to wait for her to share.” Harry stood to clear the dishes. Louis stood also telling Anne and Robin to have another glass of wine and he pulled Addie out of her chair. Her eyes were getting droopy. He handed her off to Anne.

“Nana is gonna put her baby girl to bed. She get a drink Harry?”

“Yes mum, here and oh Louis has a book he’s been reading to her if you want to keep going it’s in her room.” Harry threw a towel over his shoulder filling the sink with bubbles.

Louis smiled at Anne as she brought Addie around for kisses.

Working together Harry and Louis cleaned up the table and kitchen. Louis leaned over in the middle of handing Harry a platter and caught his lips.

“This has been just amazing I couldn’t ask for a better time Harry. I love your family.” Kissing his shoulder as he pulled away.

“I think they have fallen in love you with you too.” Harry put the platter into the dish rack.

Louis felt his face fall a bit. “I almost hate to ruin it Harry by talking about all the serious stuff I’m afraid they might not like me as much after.” Turning away from Harry.

Grabbing him by the shoulders spinning him back. “Lou, please don’t ever think that anyone will treat you the same way. I wouldn’t let them first of all, but second I know them they will understand.” Harry got level with Louis eyes. “I promise.” Searching his eyes for understanding.

Louis gave him a weak smile. “Ok you know better than me. Is it ok if I go out and smoke before we chat?”

“You don’t have to ask permission babe. Robin might join you if you ask he likes a cigar every now and then.” Harry swatted him on the ass as he walked away.

Louis found Robin outside already enjoying a cigar. Sliding the door open he stepped out breathing in the smell.

“Oh I hope you don’t mind, Anne hates it, but well I like it.” Robin blew out a ring of smoke.

“I actually came out to my nasty habit that Harry doesn’t seem to mind too much.” Pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

“Here look at this.” He flipped open the ashcan. “Even with butterflies of course.” Louis smiled at Robin.

He liked the portly man he had kind eyes and a big belly laugh. He was Harry’s step dad but you would almost think they were related as much as they are alike and share the love for Anne. Robin and Anne seemed to have one of those relationships that other couples would kill to have. So in tune with each other and the love in their eyes. Harry said it was so much better the second time around for Anne and he loved Robin he was a good man.

“Louis I hope you don’t mind me saying this. But Harry did fill Anne in a bit what has been going on in your life. And well Anne and I share everything. I just wanted to let you know I do think it was quite shit what you have been through. No one on this planet deserves it.” Robin rocked back on his heels looking up at the darkening sky blowing smoke rings.

Louis stood still taking a drag of his own. He wasn’t even sure what he should say. “That means a lot to me; in fact it makes things easier to talk about. Just wish I could have had a father that well accepted me ya know? Why was it so hard?”

“Oh I wish there was a way to get into people’s brains right. I’m not always sure we want to sit in there for too long either. I tend to believe people act out, because they refuse to believe that someone might be different than them. How dare anyone try or want to be different. What makes them right? And the other wrong?

I guess this topic could go back to the beginning of time really. Who has the exact right way to be or live their lives? And why should anyone judge?

For instance when I met Anne she introduced me to Harry and Gemma. That night we went out and she told me at dinner about Harry being gay. Looked at me eye level waiting to see if I was going to flee the table. I just simply said ok. She let out a breath and said good she really liked me and didn’t want to have to punch me on the first date.” Robin smiled and took another drag of his cigar.

“Well I can actually see Anne punching someone for not accepting her Harry.” Louis took the last drag of his cigarette and put it out.

“Oh she’s the mamma bear Louis, just wait you will be in the pack soon enough.”

The door opened behind them to find Anne coming down the steps with a full glass of wine and Harry following close behind carrying two more.

Handing one off to Louis he slipped his arm around his waist giving a quick squeeze.

“Addie asleep?” Louis asked.

“Yes she dozed right off I got only about a page of the book Louis. I think you probably hold her attention better than I do.” Anne patted his arm.

They settled into nice conversation, Harry pulled out chairs and everyone sat down enjoying their wine.

Anne leaned over and placed her hand on Louis arm asking if he wanted to share more.

He took a deep breath and held Harry’s hand throughout the full long story.

He had to get up and light another cigarette when he got the part about his sister and having to deal with the aftermath.

Robin got up and joined him with another cigar. Harry filled them in on the last part about the phone call while Louis finishes his wine and puffed out the last a smoke.

“Oh this is just more than I realized Louis!” Anne got up and gave him a fierce hug.

Pulling back she looked into his eyes. “But you know what you need to do. And you may not want to hear this Louis but you have to face it head on right into the mouth of the hypothetical beast. Right now it’s got a grip on you. But you have to show yourself first you are in charge. This is not going to be easy in fact this may wind up being harder than everything else you have had to deal with until now. But you have support I know Harry will be there for you. And so will we, whatever you may need.” Grabbing his hands in hers.

Louis felt himself tear up he couldn’t help it he pulled her into a hug. Harry stood up and wrapped his arms around both of them followed by Robin.

Pulling himself together he realized she was right. If he didn’t face this head on, he would wind up regretting it.

They enjoyed the wonderful truffle Anne made along with the exotic tea Louis found at the market. 

Robin stood yawing and telling Anne it was going to be an early morning they had a tee time with other couples.

Walking them to the door felt more domestic and right with every step. Harry couldn’t believe how much things had changed in such a short amount of time.

“Love you!” Waving as their car pulled away. Harry pulled Louis into a tight embrace snaking his hands up into his hair pushing him up against the wall till their bodies were pressed completely together catching his lips licking open his mouth. Pulling back and diving in again he couldn’t get enough.

Louis breath shuddered against his lips. “Take me to bed Harry.....”


	13. Chapter 13

Harry pulled up to Liam’s quaint restaurant early popping open his trunk to grab the bags of produce he needed for the days event. The smell of magnolias was strong from the trees he built the outdoor patio around. They were to have six tables of food ready for the hungry spectators at the polo match by mid day.

The sun was just beginning to show signs of life behind the trees, the light from the back of the kitchen were casting shadows on the bins outside.

Harry could hear Niall retelling a story of the latest bird he met and Liam already scolding him about it.

“Oy mates bit of a hand out in the car.” Harry yelled up the small flight of steps as he found them leaning against the work tables.

Liam clapped a hand on Harrys shoulder scooting past him down the steps.

“Mate! Wait till I tell you about Sheila.” Niall stuck his tongue out and smiled rounding the corner to help Liam.

Harry smiled shaking his head at his friend. He wondered if Niall would ever settle down. Setting down the three bags he was carrying he surveyed the kitchen.

Liam had set up stations with boards displaying what needed to go where and ingredients.

The kitchen was massive rows of stoves and ovens, pots already set to boil for the pasta. Pans lined the back wall and utensils stuck in holders at every table.

Nicholas and Charles were already down at the far end cutting fruit and preparing skewers for the shrimp and chicken satay they planned on making.

Nodding his head in their direction and making his way back out the small corridor and down the steps to grab the rest of the bags.

“So she says that she’s this back up singer right? Well wouldn’t you know it I show up at the pub and boom there she was. I didn’t think it was the truth so I sat and watched. She was just amazing. Voice like an angel this one has.” Niall was pulling a tray for the salad.

Liam held the knife out in his direction. “You better watch those angels Nialler you just never know if they really have a halo or not.”

Harry barked with laughter. “Really Liam and since when have you had any interaction with any angels?” smirking in his friends direction.

“Oh my boy you really have no idea.” Liam raised and eyebrow up and down at him.

“So enough about these birds, how’s your man Harry?” Niall asked as he dropped a large bag of croutons over the lettuce.

Smiling Harry felt his cheeks flush. “My man, as you so nicely put it. He’s fine. Home with Addie today actually while we do this event, we have a road trip we need to take this weekend. Hopefully it will be ok; he has a sick relative so it could be a bit dodgy.” Harry didn’t want to fill them in on everything they didn’t know the full story, it wasn’t his to tell.

“Ah sorry ta hear about the relative Harry but I’m very happy for you, we need to get him around us and have some drinks one night.” Niall covered the salad started working on another.

“I will have you both over for dinner when things calm down. Liam what’s next?”

Harry clapped his hands together thankful for the distraction of work, the impending weekend had his stomach in knots.

They worked till late morning peeling, chopping and prepping.

Loading the two vans with all the pans of prepared food and grills they headed out of the city to the country club.

Harry watched the city flow into the country with rolling hills and scattered clouds in the vast blue sky. 

He scrolled down through the pictures of Addie Louis had been sending all morning. Leaning over every now and then to show Niall. Her newest obsession was climbing up onto furniture. Louis being part child that he was he thought it was cute when he found her standing on the coffee table in the living room and documented it with a photo and saying of course he scolded her. Which Harry figures his scolding consisted of telling her to at least wait till he was in the room to document it?

They had come to the decision together that Addie’s birthday was to come first before anything was to happen with his family.

Her birthday had been a huge success the past weekend. They put together a party for family; Harry made a cake and a nice dinner with way too many presents. He introduced Louis his sister, a few of his aunts and uncles and cousins. He fit right in talking with the family of stories of Addie. He made over her the whole day. Singing Happy Birthday at least ten times from the moment her eyes opened.

Addie was a perfect angel and had the best time smashing her cake into her face.

After all the party guests extra hugs and kisses to the birthday girl, they spent the next hour trying to settle down a very tired one year old that refused to accept her party was over.

It was the first major melt down Louis had witnessed and Harry took it all in with a smirk on his face. Louis did everything he could think of to get her to stop crying and kept looking at Harry with a help me. He kept to cleaning the kitchen. She finally gave in and fell asleep on the floor in the middle of kicking and screaming. They debated on moving her, each standing with hands on their hips staring down at her angelic face. 

“Wow that was something.” Louis ran his hands through his hair.

“I hate to say I told you so, but I told you so.” Harry snaked an around his waist.

Once Addie was tucked in her bed and everything was cleaned up and they both flopped into bed exhausted with Louis laying his head on Harrys chest.

He finally decided that he couldn’t hide from it anymore. He made the call to his mum the next day and spent almost two hours on the phone. It wasn’t the worst call he felt a little better about going.

The decision was made they would come on Saturday and stay in a hotel till Monday.

Harry held his hand and kissed it when he asked him to come with him.

“Earth to Harry we’re here.” Niall was snapping his fingers in his face.

Shaking out his curls he smiled. “Sorry Niall been quiet just a lot on my mind. Let’s get this show on the road.” Jumping out of the van to gather everything he pulled the doors open and grabbed a cart.

**

Every inch of his body hurt; they worked for almost fourteen hours on their feet. Niall dropped him off at his car and he barely remembers getting out and getting in his own car to drive home.

Harry had sent a message to Louis on his way back telling him to please feed Addie and bath her; he had zero energy to even think about it.

Awwww does my baby need a massage???? Insert up and down eyebrows here.

Harry couldn’t help but smile.

A massage sounds fantastic. See you soon… love you.

Stepping in the door he instantly noticed a smell he wasn’t familiar with was there food being cooked for him? The lights were off on the living room candles lit and scattered casting shadows on the wall.

Louis was busy in the kitchen; Harry’s kiss the cook apron tied around his waist and towel over his shoulder his back was to Harry.

Walking up behind Louis he snaked his arms around his waist snuggling into his neck placing his lips softly kissing the spot behind his ear.

“Well look who is being all domestic.” Smiling kissing the lobe.

Louis shuddered at the warm breath on his neck. “Hey I’m trying at least I can’t guarantee that dinner will be edible. Addie helped me make the pudding in the fridge did you know she likes the mixer? I found a recipe and with Addie’s help, she talked me through it ya know and well I just went for it.”

Louis pulled Harry’s arms closer and leaned back into his warmth.

“Lou, this all looks wonderful.” Harry eyes scanned the island, there was a salad and rolls laid out a pot of pasta simmering on the stove with what looked like alfredo sauce simmering in another.

Louis pulled out of his embrace grabbing a glass and filling it with wine and handing it to Harry. Picking up his glass smiling over the rim.

Lifting the glass up they clinked glasses. “To us.”

Harry clinked back. “Yes to us. C ‘mere.” Linking his arm around his shoulders pulling him forward to find his lips.

Harry felt all the tension in his body escape once his lips touched Louis’s he could just melt into him. He felt like home.

Pulling back cupping his face softly he looked into his eyes. “I love coming home to you.”

Louis felt his body start to tingle as he stared up into green eyes. “I love being here for you to come home too.” His eyes cast down as he said it. His heart fluttered a bit faster.

“Why don’t you go shower, I will get the last of this put together. I put chicken in the oven to go with our pasta.” Louis set his hand on Harrys broad chest.

“Louis I’m sorry did I make you uncomfortable. I have a habit of being a bit gushy. It’s been a long day.” Setting down his glass grabbing his hand in his.

“Oh no love, just I’m still getting used to feeling so domestic I guess. Having Addie all day was wonderful and then she sat in the kitchen and helped me it just well felt so natural. I don’t, well I don’t want to mess this up it’s so nice.” Louis squeezed his hand back looking at his feet.

Harry tipped his chin up with a finger. “I love you Louis and we won’t mess this up.” Leaning down catching his lips in a ghost of a kiss.

“I can’t wait to eat I will be out shortly.” Running a finger down the long hair over Louis cheek he kissed his forehead.

Grabbing his glass and filing it back up he made his way to the bedroom.

Tiptoeing into Addie’s room he admired his daughter; Louis had tucked her under the soft blanket and her little arm was wrapped around the giraffe’s neck.

He missed seeing her for the whole day since she was still asleep when he left. But he knew that Louis had spoiled her rotten all day. It was nice knowing he could leave and not worry.

The warm water ran down his back as he stood holding the wall allowing it to wash off the day of cooking and serving and cleaning. It was such a success he managed to secure three more jobs with Liam.

His website traffic had started to pick up also mostly with bakery items for parties and luncheons which Harry loved making party cupcakes and pastries. It had allowed him to do them on his own time and give him the time at home he needed.

Stepping out shaking out his curly hair he threw on some fresh shorts and a tshirt. He really was hungry. They only got a few minutes between setting the tables up and serving he only grabbed a banana and tea.

Padding barefoot down the wood floor he spied Louis putting the finishing touches on the table, fresh roses.

“Did you go home and cut some flowers?” Harry smiled at him.

“You caught me! Addie and I took a walk today before lunch and we decided to cut them, she pointed out which ones are for her daddy.” Pulling out the chair for Harry he motioned for him to sit.

“Thank you, oh I could get used to this. It looks wonderful.” Harry watched the steam wafting up into the air from the chicken alfredo. He grabbed the spoon to scoop out the pasta.

Louis placed himself across from Harry. “Well wait till you taste it first then decide if you want a repeat performance.” Filling up his wine glass and Harry’s.

Harry handed the ladle to Louis who scooped up the pasta and grabbed the salad and filled his plate.

“Ya know Harry I would never do this for anyone else but you. Everyone would just make fun of me.” 

Harry stuck out his lip and took a bite. He looked up at Louis who was watching him closely. “Louis! This is really good. I mean really good.” Harry smiled at him scooping up another fork full.

“You’re not just saying that?” Louis stuck his fork in and spun the fettuccine noodles around on his fork and taking a bite. His eyebrows instantly lifted. “Well what do you know? I did a pretty bang up job.”

Harry raised his glass. “To your first home cooked meal. Cheers!”

Louis couldn’t help but smile back at Harry and raise his glass. “Well hopefully we will wake up tomorrow.”

Harry nearly spit his wine. “Here’s to waking up tomorrow!” Reaching across the table he grabbed Louis hand. “Thank you babe. Oh I wanted to tell you I was able to snag three more jobs with Liam. And I checked my inbox I have about four orders for next week.”

“That’s fantastic Harry, Josh called they decided on a show so now we start the process of looking over the script and getting a cast list ready. This one I may sit out and let someone else take the stage. This way too if you need more help during the day with Addie I can be here and work from home.” Louis looked over his glass at Harry.

Harry smiled at him. “Just admit it Louis you want to be my manny! Oh but wait I’m already sleeping with the manny then. Hmmm maybe I need to get another one.” Harry winked back at him.

“Well I can’t say I would be totally opposed to a threesome.” Louis grinned wickedly at Harry who almost choked on his pasta.

“Louis! Are you trying to kill me?” Harry set his fork down rubbing his hand down his face to hide the redness creeping up his neck.

“Just to see the look on your face is the best part of this!” Louis ran his foot up Harry’s leg under the table.

“You’re the only one I want. Always.” Louis stopped and looked at Harry in the eye. Pushing back his chair he moved to the other side of the table touching his face leaning down to kiss him. Harry pulled back looking up at him smiling.

“Such the romantic.” Just as he went to pull him down into his lap Addie started crying from the other room.

“You want to me to go?” Louis pulled him up from the table by the hand. “I have a feeling she would like her daddy though.”

Harry kissed his cheek and jogged down the hall to her room. Addie had pulled her blanket up with her and was holding her giraffe with big tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes lit up when she saw Harry push the door open to greet her.

“Aww my sweetie what’s wrong?” Picking her up out of the bed, he instantly could tell she was soaked through. “Ah I see the issue here. Let’s get you changed up.”

Addie sunk her head down on his shoulder after he changed her. He knew he should lay her back on the fresh sheets but he just didn’t want to let her go yet.

Rubbing her back he walked back into the kitchen. Louis was wiping off the counter. Another feat he had managed to get him to cook and clean in one day. It was quite something.

Walking over Louis gently kissed her cheek. She smiled at him. Harry felt his chest opening up in ways he didn’t think were actually possible. The connection these two had was beautiful. Louis leaned and kissed his lips softly.

“I’m going to head home. I really need to open the house back up and do laundry and pack for the weekend. Oh and maybe pay a few bills.” Smiling at him.

Harry felt a tug at his heart again. He didn’t like sending him home. They spent so much time together it was just natural now.

“Ok I…I.. thanks again for dinner and Addie and well everything Louis.” Harry wrapped his arm out around his shoulder pulling him close.

“What Harry ….you ok?” Louis looked in his eye sensing him feeling conflicted.

“I just don’t want to send you home.” His voice barely above a whisper.

“Harry you’re not sending me away, don’t even think that. Get some rest ok you’re tired we have a long weekend ahead of us.”

Louis looked him in the eye he had so much he wanted to say but right now was just not the time. Everything was moving really fast. It was fantastic, but he still needed to sort his life. It’s just not entirely fair. It was bad enough they even had to deal with his family like this.

Slipping on his toms and grabbing his keys he gave one more kiss to his boyfriend and rubbed Addie’s back before heading out into the night air. As he turned to make his way to his house he looked up at Harry standing at the door holding a sleeping baby. The love in his eyes was evident.

Harry shut the door with a soft click Addie’s even breathes ghosted along his neck.

Settling into the rocking chair in the dark living room lit with flickering candles he pulled Addie even closer kissing her soft hair. She let out a small sigh as he started rocking listening to the creaking echoing in the silent house that had put them both to sleep so many nights when she was first born.

It’s amazing how the presence of someone can be missed in an instant. He felt it so much with Mark after his passing. But Louis, he left an impression of electricity on him and his home.

Louis walked up his steps turning the key he felt the warmth of his house hit him in the face it had a bit of a musty smell from being closed up for almost three days.

Flicking on the hall light the variety of collections in his living room sprang to life. His home was such a hodge podge of things just strewn everywhere, Harrys home was so different more organized. He loved his house always had but now for some reason everything was just staring at him.

Chucking off his toms by the door he threw his keys in the dish on the table made his way to start pulling open windows.

The cool night air filtered in as he made his way back to his bedroom. He really needed to work on his cleaning skills. He had piles of clothes as if a teenager lived there. He didn’t remember what was clean and what might possibly be dirty.

He instantly thought of how Harry would click his tongue with his fingers itching to straighten everything. He smiled at the thought of how vastly different they were but yet seemed to fit.

Throwing all the piles on his unmade bed he decided to just start washing. Once the water was filling and detergent added he stood in front of his closet.

What does one wear to see the family that kicked you out? Oh how cynical he was feeling. He shuddered a bit at the daunting task in front of him.

Shaking his head he tried to just think of comfort and all he really needed was to survive this trip clothes are secondary.

His phone light had popped on showing he had a text. Miranda.

Babes! It’s been ages you’ve been hold up with that man of yours playing house?? I need a drink! 

Louis smiled at the phone typing back. Well then! Where are you right now?

Response came back quickly. Well let’s just say I pretty much am outside your house right now. 

Smiling he turned and walked back to the front door opening to spy her waving furiously at him through her car window.

Motioning her to coming inside she pulled her car into the drive.

Leaning against the door he watched a shocking orange headed woman make her way to him.

“Orange this week?” Pulling her into a tight hug.

“It was actually about the shade of your house last.” Dropping her large bag onto the table pulling out a bottle of wine. “Refreshment?”

“When do you know me to ever turn down a glass?” Louis shut the door grabbing the bottle from her.

“So! Tell me Louis what kind of candy is he giving you to stay at his house all the time? You’re not one to spend the night.” Miranda pulled down glasses out of the cabinet.

“Candy? Oh dear you make it sound so sordid. He is my boyfriend after all.” Tossing his hair back and smiling at her.

“Ha well there has to be something. He is very fit so I can understand fully.” Miranda accepted the full glass Louis had poured.

“Fit he is. We are in a good place right now but its funny you ask I was rolling the same thoughts around in my head when I got home today.”

“This is why you need me in your life Louis!” Miranda kicked off her shoes. “Smoke?” She headed back to the door leading to the back yard.

Louis followed along, he had been trying to cut back but stress was not allowing it to happen.

Flipping on the lights to the tree they sank into the chairs on the patio.

“So have you been stalking me? Driving by my house waiting to pounce or something?” Louis lit his cigarette and shifted in his chair tucking his leg up taking a drag.

“I miss you love! I drove by a few times and it’s always dark. I was happy to see a light on today.” Lighting her cigarette pushing out the smoke quickly.

Touching his heart. “Thank you love, it’s just been a bit crazy Harry’s been working a lot and I watch Addie for him then lately I’ve run in the evenings to help with paperwork at the theatre, then I crash at his place.”

“How is that little love bug. I want to see her soon, you should call me when you have her we can do lunch.” Miranda took a long pull on her wine.

She made it all sounds so simple and easy, he would have Addie and just go do lunch like he isn’t just playing dad, the thought made his heart warm.

He whipped out his phone and scanned to the most recent photos he had taken of her at the park.

“Oh Louis, she’s just adorable.” Looking up at him quizzically. “So when do you start picking china patterns babes. You’re so far gone there is no getting you back now.”

Louis felt his cheeks warm as he took back his phone and set it on the table. “We are taking it one day at a time. He would probably want to kick me out as soon as I start being a slob.” Smiling down at his feet, knowing full well Harry would do no such thing.

They started on their second bottle and opened his second pack of cigarettes when Louis realized he couldn’t read the time on his phone there were too many numbers.

“Babes you’re not driving anywhere, hit the couch lady I’m going to bed.” Louis threw a blanket over Miranda and kissed one of her two foreheads. Wobbling his way down the hall he flopped onto his bed still full of piles of possibly dirty or clean clothes. Dammed Miranda messed his system of actually getting something done. Face smashed and his nose bent slightly he smiled to himself in the dark of how nice it was to have such a good friend.

He had his phone still in his hand. Harry. He wanted to tell him things, all kinds of things so of course now is a good time as any.

The light shown on his face squinting as he started to type.

Hrry

U rthe bestest est prson I evr net

Luv luv lov u

Dobnt ever evr chnge an tanks 4 bening my best bst frend

Louis hit send and shut his eyes.


	14. Chapter 14

Harry pulled back the covers and stretched looking out the window the sun wasn’t even up. He had a hard time getting comfortable the night before. Addie had dropped back to sleep as he held her for an hour till his arms were stiff. Puttering around the house he decided to make some tea and go to bed.

Flipping and lowering his legs over the bed he noticed the light on his phone flashing a message that Louis sent at 4am.

Hrry

U rthe bestest est prson I evr net

Luv luv lov u

Dobnt ever evr chnge an tanks 4 bening my best bst frend

Oh my! Harry smiled and shook his head at the phone. Someone had a bit of fun after he went home.

His heart did swell at the message; he was his best friend too. They got on almost too well. It made him feel flush how well they fit.

Louis! I hope your feeling ok this morning? I love you too. Let me know your alive ok?

Harry set the phone on the kitchen island grabbing the tea pot he flicked on his laptop watching the screen light up the dark corner of the kitchen.

They planned on leaving early the next morning to head to Doncaster. 

All they needed to do was get through this together; he doesn’t blame Louis for being nervous and on edge. Harry has found himself just as on edge. He almost wished he could tie one on too, but not the best idea with a one year old waking up in the morning.

While the pot heated up he set to cutting up some fresh strawberries and bananas for when Addie got up. Waiting to see what time he would get a response back from Louis. It may be a while.

**

The sun was poking him with evil hot fingers on his cheek as if daring him to crack open an eye. There was a splitting pain down the right side of his face as he tried to move his neck he thinks it may be stuck.

Oh shit what the hell was he thinking? Flipping over at a snails pace pushing up onto his elbows his hair falling over his eyes as he swatted them away.

His throat was on fire from too many cigarettes his tongue felt twice its size.

Scooting his bum to the edge of the bed he stood on wobbly legs. Shuffling down the hall he saw a mass of orange hair sprawled out over a pillow. Her mouth was tipped wide open inhaling a large amount of air.

Louis heard her blow out the air similar to a car horn.

Oh dear this is hell I have literally woken up in hell. Passing her by on the couch he managed to pull the tea pot off the stove and fill it.

Leaning his head on the cabinets with his hip on the counter, realizing he had his phone in his hand still. 

Harry left him a message. Of course I’m alive what….Oh lovely I’ve been a right twat.

He noticed it was sent quite early. Wonder why he was up so early. Addie maybe, hopefully she is ok.

Hi love, yes I am holding up the cabinets as we speak. I’m alive. Feeling like utter shit. I blame Miranda.

A response was almost instantaneous. Louis flinched at the tone, why had he chosen that!

Cute message by the way. 

Louis smiled down through watery eyes.

You like that? There are so many more I have banked away for later.

Good keep em coming; listen if you need any help today just let me know I will come over. Love you.

Louis really wasn’t sure what he has done to deserve this man. Lately he had spent more time than he cared to admit on the phone with his therapist. He wasn’t ashamed but he needed to be prepared for this trip.

So many nights just recently Harry and he had spent laying awake talking about his family. Just sharing stories and trying hard to remember good times.

Thank you Harry. Love you. 

Miranda surfaced shortly after he was standing holding up the cabinets waiting for the tea pot. She stood wrapped in the blanket holding up the opposite cabinet.

“Louis what did you do to me? I used to be so pure and honorable.” Her voice deep and cracked from their night of laughing and smoking way too much.

“Ha! In whose book my friend. Let’s take this tea outside to blow the stink off of us.” Louis shuffled slowly to the door.

Hugging their mugs and trying to keep the night of debauchery down they sat in silence.

“Louis can I say something?” Miranda tried to flatten her bright orange hair down with her free hand.

Peering over his cup with his shaded blue eyes. “Of course.”

“I may have been out of line last night saying those things about Harry, I’m actually quite jealous of you right now. He is a wonderful man and if I had him I wouldn’t leave his side either. I wish I could find someone that actually appreciated me like he does you. You haven’t been different in any way with him. And you know what you deserve to be happy.” Miranda reached out picking up a cigarette and tucking it into her puckered lips.

“Honestly that is the nicest thing you may have ever said to me.” Smirking at her reaching for his own cigarette. “He is so easy to be myself around. I’m not just saying that I know what you mean though. It’s just been easy, almost too easy.” Blowing smoke up to the overcast sky.

“Good, now you must find me a man!” Miranda scooted her chair over and placed her head on his shoulder pouting.

“I will see what I can do.” Patting her head gently.

Waving Miranda off he shut the door holding his forehead on the cool wood. Vowing to never drink again he made his way to the shower.

The evening crept up on him he managed to get his laundry done and bag packed with many stops to flip through channels on the tv.

Harry text him an adorable video of Addie dancing in the kitchen while he was making her tea. 

That’s my girl! I will have her on stage in no time! Babe I’m going to bed. I will see you in the morning. Xx

Good get some sleep I will be at your house at 8.

Louis turned the TV off and lights and threw himself under the covers pulling all the way up to his nose. He felt the world falling away quickly into unsure dreams of home.

**

Harry strapped Addie in handing her the new car seat he had just purchased that gave her loads more room with attachments on the tray to keep her occupied. Ruffling her pretty curls and kissing her button nose he slid into his seat.

“Daddy daddy birds birds!” Addie yelled at him pointing out her window. Harry snuck a look out his side of the car.

“Yes my love there is birds. Louis really has you interested in them now doesn’t he?”

Louis was waiting on his porch bag in hand as Harry pulled up and popped the trunk.

Harry smiled at his tense face. “Ready?” he asked when he jumped in and gave him a quick kiss.

“As ready as I will ever be. I called Lottie we will meet her at this small ice cream shop down the road from the house. I just needed to see her first.” Louis squeezed Harrys hand before turning around and crawling through the seats to kiss Addie who was waiting with puckered lips.

“I was pretty vague with her; she just kept asking me why I was coming now. It seemed strange to me. I have to get to the bottom of it all before I see mum.” Louis flipped his hair back watching the streets.

The drive out of London to Doncaster was quiet, Louis kept switching songs and bouncing his knee till Harry placed a hand on it.

Pulling into the petrol station to stretch their legs and get drinks. Louis pulled Addie out of her seat allowing her to walk inside holding her hands.

He felt his body tensing up the closer they got.

“We always stopped here when I was kid.” He nodded his head toward the door. “It was the closest stop on the way to the camp site we spent every summer going too.”

“You’re taking me camping Louis.” Harry grabbed a bag of pretzels. “Just wanted to let you know.”

“Well ok then. Addie I guess we are going camping soon.” Tickling her tummy as he picked her up.

Leaning over to Harry’s ear he whispered. “I will tuck that away on my list of things to do with Harry. Along side of trying that new Thai restaurant oh ya and somehow managing to get your legs above your head someday.” He licked his ear.

Harry physically shivered and looked over his shoulder into deep blue eyes. “Well now. Can we move that to the top of the list please?” His voice low and deep he kissed the tip of his nose.

Remembering where they were Harry adjusted his pants and walked over to the counter to pay.

Louis smiled and hugged Addie close taking her back to the car.

One familiar street after another after an hour passed. He sent a message to Lottie letting her know they were close.

Louis stared out the window at the small shops he used to stop by on his walk from primary school, the bakery with the low hanging sign they used to be able to jump and hit.

The narrow streets where still outlined with the rickety darkened logs that separated them from the green hills. His neighborhood backed up to a farm house and creek with a small stone bridge.

The ice cream shop sat in between the Mahoney Pub with their greasy fish and soggy chips and the bridal shop that had seen better days in the sixties. 

Pulling to the curb he could see his sister sitting by herself on a stool peering through the worn writing on the partially glazed window. Sweets had been there as long as he could remember, it was a treat to walk there after church on Sunday’s and get the double scoop cone if they had been good.

Louis felt his stomach squeeze into a tight knot. Harry reached over grabbing his hand it was cool and tight on his sweaty palm. The look in his hazel eyes trying desperately to look positive and send strength he could feel the words.

Addie waved at Lottie when she stepped out onto the concrete sidewalk.

“Oh Louis look at you, your hair I love it.” Lottie took a tentative step forward her long blonde hair blowing behind her.

“Lottie.” Louis took two steps and pulled her close into his arms.

Harry tried not to watch he wanted Louis to have this moment but he couldn’t help but see and feel the love. Gathering Addie into his arms then flinging her diaper bag over his shoulder he walked around the car.

Louis kissed her cheek and pulled away to introduce Harry. “Lottie my boyfriend Harry I told you about.” Smiling Harry stuck out his hand and Lottie smiled and took it.

“Nice to meet you Harry and you must be Addie? Aren’t you just a sweet thing.” Addie reached out and grabbed a few strands of hair.

“Ok that’s enough hands to ourselves little lady. How about we get you some sweets, but first a new diaper is in order.” Harry smiled and walked towards the glass door opening it to a bell ringing and letting the fresh smell of homemade cones waft out.

Louis stopped and looked at Lottie. “It’s just so good to see you.” Her sweet blues eye looked back at him.

Touching his face they walked into the shop arm in arm.

Louis felt his body relax a bit once they were seated with Addie to his left and Harry to his right. Louis busied himself spoon feeding Addie the strawberry cup he had purchased. It was already running down her chin and all over her little fingers as she grabbed for the spoon.

Harry was busy in conversation with Lottie about school and her intern job at the local hospital, Louis was trying to figure out how to bring their dad into the conversation. Curiously she hadn’t brought it up and seemed to be pretty ok considering he was so gravely ill.

Harry kissed Louis on the forehead as he pulled Addie out of the high chair with the claim to clean her up.

Louis took this as a good time as any. “Lottie, how are you so ok? I know you and dad always managed to have a pretty close relationship. Isn’t this breaking you down inside? I mean I know I can’t really say too much just yet but I felt like if I didn’t come back well then I would regret it. It’s been a tough decision.” Louis watched her face change as he spoke from trying to understand to pure confusion.

“Louis pardon me for saying it like this but what are you on about? You’re not making any sense.” Placing her hand on his.

“Lottie look this has to be hard and I can understand if you don’t want to talk about it I would have just figured you would be more upset about his condition.” Louis flipped his hand on top of hers.

“Again Lou, really I don’t even know what, what is this all about? Mum said you had called her and decided to come back to visit. So when you sent me that text about meeting here I did just that. Who’s condition are we speaking of here?”

Louis could feel his feet turn ice cold and the sensation ran up his legs and sat icily in the pit of his stomach. He had been duped. Plain and fucking simple.

Harry turned the corner from restrooms in the back of the ice cream parlor just as he saw the back of Louis going out the door with the little bell furiously ringing. His hair was flying back as he shoved open the door with so much force he thought it may come off the hinges.

Harry felt his feet moving but didn’t quite remember making them move, he was very conscience of holding Addie and not upsetting her.

“Lottie what just happened?” He leaned over in hushed tone to her stunned face.

“Harry I think we have a very big problem.”

**

Louis didn’t think he just walked in the direction of his childhood home. The anger that was building in him was taking over with each hard step on the concrete sidewalk. Mr. Langdon’s house looked the same still over grown with weeds he tried to help him with one summer. The small park at the end of their common street sat with just the one swing and broken slide after all these years.

Stopping long enough to send Harry an apologetic text he trudged forward. He knew it was rude to just leave but he really didn’t want Addie to see him like that he was afraid he would scare her.

He spied the familiar red brick home he had come to love and loath. The bushes all in a neat row, rose bushes scatter amongst the wooden fence his father had let him help build when he was just up to his waist.

Pulling out a cigarette he lit it only a few more blocks till the full house came into view. He knew the twins wouldn’t be home they had been sent away to summer camp according to Lottie.

Stomping out the cigarette at the fence he opened the gate with a click and slammed it shut. Reminding himself to breathe he made his feet move towards the door, knocking on its thick oak until his knuckles ached from the force.

His heart beat in his ears he could feel his body start to tingle, pulsing out a cold chill to his warm skin. 

The door creaked open and he found the light blue eyes of a tired old man.

Troy wasn’t a large man he was actually quite short but his presence had always intimidated Louis the gruffness of his face made held a bad mood all the time. His mum would try to make him smile, it never happened. Louis thinks he actually enjoyed being sour.

Every word that had been sitting on his tongue disappeared.

“Louis?” his voice was just as gruff as he remembered his eyes not as disapproving as he remembered.

“Can I come in? Is mum home?” Louis looked up from the lower step. Troy hadn’t really changed much. He still had the usual button down plaid shirt with pens in his pocket smart cardigan over the top, crisp trousers of blue. His wisps of hair atop his head were gray lying haphazardly over his long forehead.

“I ….I…she …out…back.” Troy stumbled to make a sentence as Louis brushed past him.

He felt a sting of wetness in his eyes. He wanted so badly to lash out right there. But first he had to deal with his mum.

The house was surprisingly clean now covered in flowers and lace doilies, it had been hard for his mum to keep up the house when all the children were home, she worked long hours at the hospital and he was left to fend off his fathers temper and the girls running a muck throughout the house on any given day.

The garden had become her solace as they grew up he would find her sitting on the bench drinking her wine staring into space, always wondering I guess what had come of her life.

Not much had changed as he pushed open the French door and stepping out into the familiar sweet smelling garden full of flowers and flower pots and stone figures.

Jay was sitting with her back to him facing the sun, flicking through a magazine her glass of crimson wine sparkling in the sunshine in her out stretched hand.

Louis fought the tears threatening to spill over. He was resisting the urge to run and pull her into a hug, the feel of his mother’s arms around him. He hadn’t felt it for so long.

“Mum.” His voice barely audible.

He saw her back stiffen. She had to know he would find out. She just had to know her little plan might back fire.

Shutting the magazine slowly and setting down her glass on the small marble table she pushed off the bench. Her long brown hair had now been taken over with long strands of gray mixed in. Her brown eyes met his hesitantly.

“You know mum on my way over I worked out this whole speech in my head of what to say to you.” Louis started pacing over to the vine covered trellis that lined the back of the house. Pulling out a cigarette he lit it running his hand nervously into his long hair.

“I even walked away from Harry! I can’t believe I did that. You have me so fucked up!”

Jay watched him for a moment he could tell she was internally picking her words carefully.

He could almost make out her trying to form them.

“Louis I just wanted to see you.” 

Taking two steps forward leaning towards her pointing the cigarette his voice came out seething with all the hurt and anger he had built up.

“Mum you told me he was dying! Could you not have just said you wanted to see me?” His arms flailing up in the air spinning back on his heel to walk away from her.

“I didn’t really think it would be enough. You’re here now aren’t you?” Jay was twisting her hands.

Troy opened the back door stepping down surveying them.

“Mind telling me what is going on.” Crossing his arms over his chest he puffed put a breath.

“Why don’t you ask mum she made this all happen.” Louis knew he sounded like a bratty child, but he felt like being bratty at the moment.

“Jay?” Troy walked over to her slowly placing a hand on her arm his eyes softened a little. 

In the years he lived at home Louis can’t like of a time his father touched his mum, they just didn’t have that kind of relationship. No affection ever, a kiss would maybe happen on a birthday even though it was so small.

He felt his chest tightening a bit.

Turning his back on the scene he had to take another breath. He spun around pointing a finger at them.

“Look mum brought me here saying you were dying. But dad let me tell you something you’ve been dead to me for a while now. Apparently I wasn’t good enough to live here. And you know what it has taken me years to get to a point in my life that I can get up everyday and want to keep going. I want you both to know I have never forgotten her, I can’t and wont. She was my sister. You were my parents. I wasn’t good enough I guess to keep around. You put me out like trash. But for some crazy reason when mum called me? I decided that you were important enough I just had to be here for you and it wasn’t even true. So here I am and I feel like an utter fool!” Louis sucked in a breath and bracing himself on a small chair.

Jay turned into Troy her eyes pleading with him to understand.

Troy placed his arm around her. “Louis please let’s sit ok?”

Louis pulled out the chair he was holding and plunked down in it his piercing blue yes cautiously watching Jay and Troy pull out the other two chairs to face him.

Jay placed a hand in the middle of the table. “I was wrong to bring you here the way I did. I am truly sorry for that. In fact I am so very sorry. When I called you that day your father had mentioned you. We were talking about so many things lately. Our lives, our children. Louis we have actually connected after all these years.” Placing her hand now on Troy’s arm.

“It just made me realize after I talked to you what I did was horrible. We never should have….

“Mum don’t! Don’t speak for him. Don’t say we it was him! You stood there and let me get kicked out of the only home I knew. But he pushed the door shut in my face.”

Troy reached out and grabbed Louis hand.

Louis breath caught in his throat.

“Louis….. There aren’t enough words to express what I want to say to you.” He watched his father holding his hand.

“I have made so many mistakes in my life. This what I did to us, being the biggest one of all, your life was your own to live. I didn’t know what to make of you. Your theatre thing and all your friends that were boys and that was just something I couldn’t even wrap my mind around, I didn’t even try. I know.”

Louis had envisioned having this conversation with his parent at some point. But actually having it was almost too much.

He felt his pocket buzzing. Looking pointedly up at his father.

“Excuse me.” He pushed the chair back and headed for the door into the house.

Harry had called and sent a few texts. He needed to talk to him.

Pulling up the screen as soon as he shut the door behind him he pushed call. Answering on a half ring he heard Harry’s concerned voice. “Louis! Please baby tell me your ok.”

Louis choked down the large lump that blocked his airway. “Har…Har..rry. If I tell you how to g…get here please.”

“I’m getting Addie in the car now, please take a breath ok and tell me.” Louis sputtered out the directions.

“Harry I’m so sorry I walked away.” Louis sucked in a breath and wiped at his eyes.

“Lou, its fine. Why don’t you go to the front of the house and look for me ok? Lottie had to leave but she said she would come by later.” Harry pulled out into traffic smiling back at Addie to keep her calm.

“Ok I will. Harry , I love you.”

“You too see you very soon.”

Louis walked out to the front step just about the time Harry pulled into the driveway.

He smiled but it didn’t hit his eyes. He made his way down the walk to the side to open Addie was waving at him.

Harry got out quickly and stopped Louis before he reached in for her and pulled him as close as he could putting his head down on his shoulder he felt him give way to his emotions and slump down pulling him back flush to his chest. Sniffling into his neck he felt wetness starting to fall.

Rubbing his back and neck he pulled back to look into his eyes. “Do we stay? Or should we go. If this is too much I want you to tell me.”

Wiping under his eyes blowing out a breath. “No we have to stay this is it. I need to tell them how I feel and see if this can be fixed. And Harry I want to show them who I am, what I have become. And you’re the most important part. You and Addie.

Harry grabbed his hands kissing them then kissing his mouth softly. He let him go to grab Addie. Walking hand in hand they made their way back to the front door.

**

The afternoon passed with Harry entertaining Addie as much as possible while Jay fussed over her and him. Harry was so proud of Louis while he was inside talking to Jay helping her make tea while Addie played with some old toys she had stuffed in a closet he watched him and his dad at the small table.

He kept a concerned eye on the door to the garden watching them talk. Louis hands were constantly moving and smoke was billowing up from him but he thinks he may have seen a small smile fun across both their faces.

Troy was welcoming not overly but enough to make Harry feel better about being there.

Sitting down around the small table they managed to have a nice tea. Talking about work and Addie mostly. Louis kept his leg pressed up to Harrys underneath the table the whole time.

“Troy, Jay can I speak frankly.” Harry cleared his throat and smiled at Louis. “First thank you for a lovely tea and allowing myself and Addie to join you. But I feel I must just get this off my chest.” Grabbing Louis hand he continued. “I love your son; love him with everything I have. He has been an amazing addition to my life. We met when we both were in the darkest of places. It’s amazing how such tragedy could create a story all its own. Sadly you both missed out on very important part of his life. I’ve watched this man come back into a brighter place. With his help he has made me see how important every little part of my life is. He is a wonderful to Addie she is lucky to have him in her life. He makes a great dad.

I say all this because I feel that what you did was something I couldn’t even imagine doing. It’s not my place to judge, if there is even a chance we could all figure out how to make this work I hope you would be willing too.” Harry cast his eyes down at his hands trying to fight off the feeling welling up inside him.

Louis squeezed his hand. “Thank you.”

Troy smiled for the first time. “Louis you have found yourself a good man here. I plan on not letting go that’s for sure. I hope I can maybe make up for it too.”

Louis pulled his hand from Harry and touched his dad’s arm. “I would like that.”

Harry let Addie down as they stood up to clean up. Troy grabbed up the dishes and he and Jay headed inside.

“Harry I need a drink.” Louis leaned over to Harry’s ear. “Let’s head to the hotel ya?”

Meeting in the kitchen they said their goodbyes hugging his mum and shaking his dad’s hand they made their way quickly out to the car.

Once inside the car he felt he could breath. Leaning over the gear shift he sucked softly on Harry’s ear. “Wine and you ok?”

Harry shivered and nodded at him smiling. “Tell me where I’m going so we can!”


	15. Chapter 15

Harry pushed back onto Louis as the warm water rushed over their bodies, Louis hand was holding on to his hip as he reached around stroking him with the other. Louis ran his tongue across his shoulder and up the back of his neck, hot breath pushed out his mouth as he pushed into Harry harder and harder.

Harry had his hands braced on the cool marble wall steadying himself as he was being thrust into. His nerve endings were on fire his head a bit foggy from the wine they drank as soon as they got back to the room.

Throwing his head back with a groan he turned his head to meet Louis slick lips he bit down on his lower lip and suck in as he pressed and pressed.

Feeling himself nearing the edge he pushed back and met his rhythm till they both were moaning back into each others mouth tongues wrapping around the other.

Louis popped his mouth off placing both hands on Harry wet shoulders to gain a momentum he needed. Shifting his feet he pushed up higher hitting that spot that sent Harry into a howl of pleasure feeling him clench up and come in long spurts he slumped his forehead on the tile. Louis pushed till his knees went weak he felt himself come hard. Wrapping his arms around Harry’s chest he pulled him back to lay his head down, slowly turning him he pulled out and slotted in between Harrys legs pushing his back up against the wall he caught his lips in a deep wet kiss holding the back of his head.

Harry kissed into Louis mouth snaking his arm all the way around him. They smiled into each others mouths panting. They both needed that. As soon as Addie had dozed off in the crib they tore each others clothes off in the bathroom with the door slightly ajar in case she woke up.

Louis laid his head on Harry chest as he rubbed small circles into his shoulders.

“Wow now that was amazing. I hope we didn’t wake up the old lady that gave us this room. She might be calling the police at this point.” Harry chuckled at the thought.

Louis kissed up his chest to his neck to his chin. “Fuck em if she did. I needed you.”

“Well you got me. I hope I can walk tomorrow.” Harry ran his hand through Louis wet hair.

Drying each other off they flipped off the lights fore-going clothes they got under the covers tangled up in each other.

Louis fell asleep with his head on Harry’s chest feeling his hand softly caressing the back of his neck.

**

“Lu Lu! Lu Lu!” Addie was bouncing on his chest. She leaned over kissing his check with slimmy lips. 

“ Up! Eat Lu Lu..Eat!” Laying down her head right in front of his face. He could feel her breath on his nose.

Cracking open his eye he was met with a pair of hazel and a pair green looking at him. Harry was tucked behind Addie. “I think someone is hungry?” Harry tickled Louis side.

Addie cackled and tried to tickle him too. Louis swooped her up into the air. “Oh you think you’re so cute don’t you! I want to eat too Addie!! But I wanna eat a baby.” Pulling her back down to him pretending to bite her shoulders and belly.

Harry got off the bed to get dressed while Louis and Addie played around.

It was a beautiful sunny day. They hadn’t really talked at all about how yesterday had gone down. They just wanted to get lost in each other the night before. Addie made their wake up schedule most days. But Harry will admit he was hungry.

“Want to just head down to the hotel breakfast? Or do you know of something better?” Harry pulled on his jeans.

“What time is it even; this one here needs to learn to sleep!” Louis stood up throwing the covers over her head. “Oy it’s only half past seven!” Setting his phone down pulling on his jeans.

“Let’s just head downstairs. Addie might start rebelling if we wait too long.” Louis pulled Harry into a tight embrace.

“Agreed, then …..Should we go see your folks?” Harry stroked his face.

“Let’s eat then I will call them. Thanks for doing this with me. I really need to work on forgiveness I guess. It’s still not exactly easy to just look at my mum and dad and know what they did. But he seems so different now. They actually seem to like each other. It really is blowing my mind. God I wish she would have called me sooner ya know? Louis kissed his lips.

Harry rubbed his back. “Ok and no need to thank me Louis I wouldn’t be anywhere else right now.”

**

Settling on sitting outside to eat Addie made a point of telling them all about the birds and rabbits as she ate the muffin Louis had broke apart for her.

Lottie sent a text that she would join them for tea at his parents house in the afternoon and he and Harry were expected to join. Louis found out they attend church together now so that freed up their morning to explore Doncaster to see what if anything had changed.

Harry pushed Addie in the stroller down Langley Way past the market and his primary school.

“See Addie I went to school there, did my last show on that stage. Before moving up to the big time I am now. Kissed my first boy up against that tree right there after rehearsals late one night. Broke my arm falling off that ledge right there too. Same boy.” Louis flicked his hair back smiling.

Harry watched Louis closely his eyes were starting to show signs of being more clear. He couldn’t imagine all the hell that had really gone on behind those blue eyes. It took everything in him not to really let his parents have all the emotions he wanted to shove in their face the day before.

Thinking of his family they never fought and probably to outsiders seemed completely put together. It took a long time though after his dad left to make sense of what actually happened but his mum worked extra hard to be there for him and Gemma. He loved Robin but it took time to allow him in too.

It hit Harry like a ton of bricks as Louis was talking and handing Addie sticks and flowers talking about his childhood. He wanted him as his family. There was no question in his mind he was his end game. Addie needed Louis as much as he did, she loved him from the word go.

Louis must have noticed his face change. “What? You’re staring at me I know I’m just talking away here. Sorry nervous energy I guess. You know how I get I just keep talking with….” Harry grabbed his hand and pulled him close kissing him full on the lips in the middle of the sidewalk.

Blinking his eyes at Harry. “Ok thanks for that.”

“Move in with us. Louis I don’t want you to be alone anymore. Be with us, with me.” Harry was just an inch from his face looking down.

“I ….what..wait Harry that’s a big step .. You sure? I mean I am a big slob.” Louis blinked up at him.

“Laundry is over rated. I will clean up after you if just love me and Addie. Try to cook if you want that’s fine. Or not. Whatever I just want you with me.” Kissing him softly again.

Louis’s heart was racing. He wanted to be with Harry more than anything. He had started thinking lately how much he didn’t like going home. It made sense he felt like this was where he needed to be.

Wrapping his arms around him attempting to lift him up. “Yes! Ok I will. But first! You must promise me something.” Louis pulled him close.

“What?” Harry looked concerned.

“Always we must be honest with each other. Ok? No secrets even if the other person may not want to hear it.”

Harry nodded at him. “Always.”

**

The rest of the afternoon was better than they could have imagined. Jay made a traditional roast with everything for their tea that afternoon.

Lottie joined with her boyfriend Jason. Addie was thrilled to have new people to entertain with her new found dancing moves.

Troy and Louis took a long walk to the park while Harry stayed back with the women and Jason. They pulled out old scrap books of pictures that Jay had saved from all the kids growing up. Louis had a flair for the stage and art from early on, Harry could tell in everything he touched.

The front door swung open revealing a laughing Troy and Louis to everyone’s surprise.

“Jay this boy of yours has quite the sense of humor.” Clapping his hand on Louis back.

Jay moved her way over to pull Louis into a hug.

Wiping her eyes she pulled back “Come on everyone the roast is ready.”

Louis hung back to pick up a piece of paper that had fallen on the floor from one of the scrap books. Harry watched him as he folded it and stuck it in his pocket.

“What was that love?” Harry asked.

“Danielle. She made this it’s a picture of us. Had forgotten about it.”

Harry put on arm around his shoulders kissing his temple. “How about we frame it? First thing we will put on the wall when you move in.”

After tea Louis made a point of asking his mum and dad to meet him outside, he wanted to make a few things clear to them. 

Jay and Troy sat across from him as they did the day before, this time it felt easier this time.

Louis could see the concern in Harry’s eye through the window he nodded to him. He knew Harry wouldn’t keep his eyes off him.

“Mum, dad. I think we need to get a few things straight before I leave tonight. Even under the circumstances I am happy we reconnected really I am. But after years of therapy I have gone through for loss it has taught me its not healthy to just forget or should I say try to bury down what happened and pretend everything is ok.” Louis had to stand and stretch his legs reaching in his pants pocket to retrieve a cigarette.

“If I stood here and said I was fine with everything I would be lying to you and myself. Dad do you completely accept the fact that I’m gay? Mum do you?”

Troy spoke first. “Son I do believe in time we will. We have been working to understand better. I want too.”

Jay followed. “Louis I will try also. I really do like Harry he is a good man and I know you love him and he loves you so does Addie.”

Louis nodded. “Good this is a start. But we aren’t finished yet. The hardest part of this is Danielle. Tell me you don’t blame me. Ok?” Staring at his feet he took a long drag.

“We never did blame you Louis, you thought we did but really we didn’t. It was just so much at once. I promise you we don’t.” Jay’s voice was quiet.

“Ok good that’s been the hardest part of my life.” Jay pushed back her chair and pulled him into a hug.

“This is a start son. It’s a start.”

**

The weeks passed by in a flash after they decided to make the big move. Harry found himself in Louis living room surrounded by boxes marking them as Louis brought more into the room to decide what was staying and going.

He knew right away this was going to be an interesting task at hand but his organizational skills helped him out. They had their first fight over dish towels and utensils. Louis had actually left and went for a drive. He wasn’t gone long and came back with wild flowers and fantastic blow job to make up for it.

A young couple had bought Louis house in a few short days after it had gone on the market, They fell in love with the purple. They danced around the yard after receiving the call.

No turning back now Styles! He had told him after they hung up the phone. He was stuck with him. Not that Harry wanted it any other way.

Moving day had turned into a party after Harry invited Liam and Niall over to help tempting them with beer and pizza. Anne and Robin stopped over with desserts and wine. Louis invited Miranda and Josh from his clique of theatre friends.

Harry pulled Louis in close by kitchen as they watched Niall chatting up the blue haired Miranda, her head was thrown back in a laugh as Niall attempted to show her an Irish jig he had learned when he was younger. Liam and Josh had found seats on the couch watching football. Gemma stopped by with plants for the back yard.

Addie clapped from her seat on the floor trying to build blocks with Anne and

Robin as they would knock them over for her to set back up again.

Louis stood watching the room as Harry kissed his neck. “We have a nice family here Louis.”

“Now you’re stuck with me too. But in all honesty I really don’t think I could be anywhere else right now Harry. I’m happy to be right here.” Louis pulled his arms tight around him.

Resting his chin on Louis shoulder. “Good because I’m not letting go.”

Anne popped up from her spot on the floor. "So Louis when are you two leaving?"

Harry spun around looking at Louis then Anne. "What are you two up too?"

Louis gave him a small smile. "Why don't you please go pack and bag and don't worry your Mum and Robin are staying here for a few days with Addie."

Harry furrowed his brown and smiled at them doing as he was told.

Saying there goodbyes Harry and Louis climbed into the car heading into the setting sun throwing hues of orange and pink into the sky. Harry rolled the window down letting the breeze hit his face.

Louis wound the car down windy roads leading them to a small gravel road that lead to a campground. Harry grabbed his hand when he noticed the sign.

Setting up the camp in record time Harry set off to find sticks and wood for their fire.

Sitting arm and arm by the softly crackling fire casting shadows on their faces. Harry laid his head back on his chair looking up at the vast black sky twinkling with more stars than anyone could count. He wondered if Mark was looking down smiling, he sure hoped so.

Twisting his neck he looked into the blue eyes he had fallen in love with. "You manage to surprise me on a daily basis Louis Tomlinson." 

"Good, because I don't plan on stopping anytime soon." Leaning over he caught Harry's lips as he wished on the last star he saw.


End file.
